So the BIL of one of my co-worker's died 2 weeks ago. I'm friendly with her but we really only talk in the office, we don't go out to lunch and we'll never hang out outside of work. Anyway, her closer friends asked everyone if they wanted to chip in some $$ to get a basket for her family. I decided not to contribute because I feel that a BIL is a little distant of a relationship to do a collection for the office. If it was (god forbid) an immediate family member of course I would (and have) contribute(d). Another co-worker lost her MIL a few weeks before that and they did a collection too. Is it every time any family member of any co-worker dies they're going to take a collection. I think it's getting a little ridiculous. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of sympathy and feel terrible but can't I express my sympathy in words and not in a fruit basket? What are your opinions?
Kimbalina
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
I think a card would have been just fine. I too would not put money in for a collection for that. Especially if it is not some one in your office that you are close with.
ant n tilde
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
I would have felt the same way as you BUT I would have contributed. It is just the nature of working in an office. . .honestly, people will talk about who didn't buy girl scout cookies MONTHS later. I don't feel like dealing with it so I just contribute.
When I first got to my office, there was a baby shower the NEXT day. I didn't contribute and almost got black listed. I don't agree with it but I just want to do my work and go home so I suck it up and contribute. boo.
futuremrsfab
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
Our office sends something to the family when it is an immediate family member- which they define as mother/ father, brother/sister, spouse, kids- this includes ils in those roles- however the office pays for it- not us. Our HR department handles it.
I could see how it could get to be a little much having a collection each time
kirstenjk
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
We don't have office collections for sympathy baskets. The organization usually sends something from everyone. If I am close to the person, I will send a sympathy card. Why don't you do that instead of contributing? Just tell whomever that you prefer to do something on your own but appreciate the offer.
msabla1
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
I hear what your saying and I agree with you.
I always contributed in all my office collections (no matter the occassion) because it was generally frowned upon by coworkers if you didn't. But feel it out, & see what everyone else is doing.
Toucan311
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
Jess, you totally HATE dead people.
CD516
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
My company usually sends something but i might have contributed depending on how much they were asking for. I guess it depends on the situation. My coworkers wife just passed. I consider him and i to be good friends ( not that we really hang out outside of work, but we are still close). I contributed as much money as i could to a fund for his daughters becuase i really wanted to help. Heres what im saying i guess, it all depends on how you feel. If you feel you dont want to contribute , then dont. There are plenty of times that i have passed on a contribution - its ok to do so.
TheFutureMrsM
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
Our secretary's mom passed last week. My DH is the owner of the company and he would never ask everyone to chip in, We sent a large edible arrangement around 100 dollars and signed the card from the entire staff
In this economy i don't think its right to keep having collections, if the owner wants to do something i think that would be best then hitting everyone up for money
MikeandJess
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
Posted by Mimacat
Jess, you totally HATE dead people.
you caught me. It's totally gross how they're all decaying and stuff
MikeandJess
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
thanks girls. I might be slightly blacklisted but it's a group of people I wasn't friendly with anyway so there's no way to tell for sure and I don't really care. Thanks for the feedback!
Mici n KC
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
Posted by futuremrsfab
Our office sends something to the family when it is an immediate family member- which they define as mother/ father, brother/sister, spouse, kids- this includes ils in those roles- however the office pays for it- not us. Our HR department handles it.
I could see how it could get to be a little much having a collection each time
That's how I feel it should be done. If you are close with the person and want to do something extra on your own, that's different.
Jenn04
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
If a close family member passes, my company buys the flowers or fruit basket and I just send a card. I dont think you should be obligated to contribute.
I dont like that collection thing. We dont do it for bdays only showers or like 50th bday and then its still kinda rude.
RadiantBride
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
Posted by ant n tilde
I would have felt the same way as you BUT I would have contributed. It is just the nature of working in an office. . .honestly, people will talk about who didn't buy girl scout cookies MONTHS later. I don't feel like dealing with it so I just contribute.
When I first got to my office, there was a baby shower the NEXT day. I didn't contribute and almost got black listed. I don't agree with it but I just want to do my work and go home so I suck it up and contribute. boo.
ITA Tilde! Although I agree with a card would have been good enough, just to prevent office gossip I would have put something in, even if it was $5 or $10.
lizzie217
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
Well is it a strech bc its her BIL not her brother BUT if it were a co worker I worked closely with, really liked I would chip in...otherwise no way. They take collections all the time around her I work with a lot of people I only contribute to those people I have a connection with workwise or friendly..otherwise hell to the no
SparkyandAng
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Re: just out of curiostiy....your opinions, please
Tough call for me. I normally feel like Tilde, but it gets out of control and $5 and $10 here and there for someone's bday, baby shower, bridal shower, condolence, etc all adds up quickly.
I just had this similar situation...guy in another location but works in my group had surgery, i was asked to collect money from our group in NY (3 people including me) and send to other office, so of course i felt obligated to contribute the $10 but I met the guy once.
