My FH and I are thinking of moving in together. I practically live with him now. I've heard that sometimes it's better to live together first, and I've heard the opposite. Just wanted an opinion from the married ladies. If you lived or didn't live together before getting married, is it better or not?
Annie02
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Re: Living together
We did not live together before we were married. This was the best choice for us, but maybe not for everyone. It took a little while to get used to living with him, and he with me, but we enjoyed it and are glad we decided to wait.
Melissa
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Re: Living together
Well, I just got married on Aug. 31. My FI and I got married on our 9 year anniversary. We've been living together for a little over 3 years. I highly recommend, or feel that you should live together first. A lot of people feel differently, but that's just my opinion. I think you really get to know someone after you live together. It's very different than just dating. You know how most everyone says how hard the first year is after you're married... well, if you've already lived together, you've already did the adjusting, etc., that you do with someone you live with. I think it's less stress, and you really get to know that person on a different level. Personally, I know I haven't been married long, (we've basically been married... ), but nothing is really different! I think it's a lot better. We joke around, we've been using the husband/wife words a lot since we're not used to it, and we get a kick out of it. We've actually became closer as a couple of course. But I know of too many horror stories about people who waited until after you were married to live together, and a lot of them have ended in divorce. At first, it might seem fun, exciting, etc., but believe me, it wears off!!! But, like I said, everyone has a different opinion on this, this is just mine, from my experiences. Being with someone for as long as I have been, and what we've done, when, and how, has given me a whole different perspective on things like that. I used to think you shouldn't live together before you're married, but then after dating for a while, you want to take your relationship to the next level, and for me, it was 6 years later and a different state, but it definitely was well worth it!!! Good luck! (Sorry, this is so long!)
NuBride
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Re: I have to agree with Melissa re:Living together
Me and my hubby lived together for a year prior to the wedding and I have to say it was the best thing we ever did. I know people that are dating for a long time say 'we practically live together now' and think it's the same. It is not the same, trust me when both of your mail and all your stuff is under one roof, you will see the difference. For me it was a little bit getting used to, I lived on my own for 9 years before me and hubby lived together and he came straight from Momma's house but it was the best decision we made. I certainly wouldn't recommend women living with their 'boyfriends' but when you know you are engaged to be married to your prince charming then go right ahead! Good Luck. This is strictly my opinion based on my own experience.
LisaT
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Re: I have to agree with Melissa re:Living together
I agree too. We moved in together abut 2 months before we got engaged, so we lived together for a year before the wedding. It's wonderful. It brought us closer and confirmed that we were meant to be together.
Its SO different then just spending every night at his house or yours. There are some things to get used to, but I recommend it. It definitely worked for us.
Also, it saves you the stress of having to deal with moving and living together right after the wedding.
Just my $.02.
michele31
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Re: I have to agree with Melissa re:Living together
My FH and I have lived together for about 2 months before we got engaged. It was the best decision for us. It is a personal decision. You never know someone until you live with them, day in and day out.
Bluebaby08
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Re: I have to agree with Melissa re:Living together
Thanks for all your responses. I really appreciate the input. I have a few friends who lived with their boyfriends and would not recommend it. But they weren't engaged. I've been hesitating also because my parents are not thrilled with the idea. I think more because I'm the oldest, and I'm leaving home. They're just sad with the idea that's 'daddy's little girl' is getting married. (sometimes I can't believe it myself!) But I think it's a good idea to really live together before we sign the papers. Thank you all again!
jillian
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Re: Living together
We lived together for a year before we got engaged and then the year leading up to the wedding. I really think it is a very good idea. The first year of marriage is hard to begin with---but adding in---having to get used to eachothers habits, finanical stuff...etc....is just added stress. If you get passed all that stuff before you can then just focus on the marriage part.
I am so glad we did it and would highly reccomend it!!
My two cents....
Kel
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Re: Living together
Before we started dating, my husband and I knew eachother for a few months through work. Well, when we did start dating, things became very serious very quickly. Anyway, I had grown up thinking you get married, then you move in together. However, I just naturally started staying over .. it just felt right. I remember the first night we fell asleep watching tv (seriously, it was an innocent night) .. not waking up til very early the next morning .. I swear I never slept better. After several months, we got an apartment together .. just less than 5 years later we were married.
Of course, I've heard and been told from friends that the divorce rate is higher among people who live together before getting married. But I'm still glad we took that time together. For us, it wasn't a matter of 'testing the waters' because like I said before, it just seemed like a natural move for us to make. And the only reason the wedding came five years later was because we saved money (intended for the wedding), got sidetracked on buying a house, then saved for the wedding.
financially...it just makes sense to move in together...
I do not miss the days of bringing clothes for work over...or not having a pair of panyhose, etc...
DianaL
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Re: Living together
We lived together for 5 years and it was the best decision for us. I lived on my own as did he, and I was worried whether I would be able to share my 'space' 24/7 with another person. It was great to know that before we got married we had ironed out all the little things newly married couples who hadn't lived together fight about...little things like laundry, cooking, cleaning, toothpaste tubes, toilet seats, etc. I have a good friend whose marriage ended because of the little things. At precana they told us about all these things, and it felt good to know that the little things would not be issues. We also had the opportunity to iron out the big things like finances prior to marrying. Our priest also said that if couples move in together before they are married because they love eachother and have the committment of planning to marry, these can be the best marriages.
I don't know about the statistics, as 50% of *all* marriages today end in divorce. Did all those people live together first? You can also look at it as 50% of those marriages worked out
It is definitely a personal decision.
Bluebaby08
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Re: Living together
Just like Yabbobay- I'm running out of clothes- I keep bringing more over and still having none left. My poor FH is loosing his waredrobe! I think I'll move in after the holidays. It will give us 15 mths before our weddings. Thanks for all the advise ladies!
Kel
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Re: Living together
Not to be a downer on this .. especially since I think living together before we got married was a perfect decision for us as well .. but I have heard that marriages between couples who lived together first fail at 75%.
Bluebaby08
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Re: Living together
I've heard that statistic too, that's another reason why I'm hesitating. My friend said 'you're marriage won't work if you live together first.' But I think I'm gonna do it. I love him, he loves me, most of the bull we've dealth with already. I'm not going into thinking it may break us up. If the wedding planning doesn't, I doubt living together will.
Kel
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Re: Living together
I don't think you should be afraid of that statistic if you feel ready for that committment. When I first heard that 75% statistic, we had already been living together for a few years, and had already purchased our house .. and at the instant I heard it, it did hit me hard .. but I quickly got over it because I was just that confident in our decision since it was not done as a 'test' or a matter of convenience.
If any of us ever saw ourselves as candidates for divorce, than we wouldn't get married, right?!
