long stupid vent - horrible bridesmaid **UPDATE**
Soo - my BP was basically filled with family & a couple of close friends.One of them is a girl I was very close to in high school. We were inseparable back then, but lost touch a little bit after we started College. She got married only about 5 months before me and I was her Maid of Honor - there was only 3 of us in her BP tho (Matron of Honor, Maid of Honor, and a Bridesmaid). Her wedding was VERY low key. It was a tiny little church that only fit MAYBE 50 and then the reception was in the church basement where a buffet was set up with lots of tables covered by cheap cloths. And there was no entertainment whatsoever (like a DJ). It really was not a fun wedding at all to attend, but I figured this is probably exactly what she wanted, since she actually could have afforded something more if she would have downgraded on the crazy expensive photographer & videographer she hired. So I made the best of it even tho it's not MY personal taste, and i feel as though I was totally there for her in anything she needed. I honestly did try to be a good MOH! And I hope that i succeeded.
Fast forward 5 months to MY Wedding. She was totally there for me during the months leading up. She'd call & text to see if I needed anything (which, I barely ever did because I had constantly stayed on top of my to-do list, but I always thanked her for the offer). I also heard from my MOH that she really helped so much with the plans for the Shower. I appreciated her helping my sister like that, and I made sure to write her a very special message (rather than the generic Thank You cards you give) and told her how much I appreciate her! After that she continued to be there for me as much as she could.
Now - - as you know, the week leading up to the Wedding was a CRAZY week! My fiance was finally flying into New York, after I had not seen him for 4 long months. So i had EVERY SINGLE DETAIL taken care of the week before that. All of sudden I get a text message from her 3 days before the rehearsal, asking when it was going to be. That was weird because i KNOW that i told her the day & time. No other Bridesmaid was confused. Yet, when I told her, she started acting like a jerk and being all like 'Oh, well i really wish I would have known, because i might have plans'. I apologized for the mix-up even though I am beyond certain that I told her about the rehearsal. And when she continued with attitude, I told her that even if there WAS a screw-up and she was not properly informed, it still does not take a genious to figure out when it's going to be. Obviously since my fiance was only getting in on Monday night and that week was Christmas Eve & Christmas - the only LOGICAL night it could possibly be is Friday (since the Wedding is Saturday). She realized she was being a stupid and let it drop. But then she told me that she'd only come to the rehearsal and not the dinner OR bachelorette party. I didn't mind the bachelorette since i hadn't made a big deal about this anyhow, but I was INSULTED that she would not make an effort to come to the Dinner, when I certainly went to hers and was as helpful as I could be. I told her not to worry about it though and let the whole thing drop.
At the rehearsal - she came on time and was pleasant enough. She even stayed for the dinner. And what I mean by that is - she ate & left. I had this whole thing planned, where I wrote a speech to my parents and to my Bridal Party which I would read as I gave them their gifts. Plus I was leaving NY right after the wedding so only God knows how long till I see them again. The speech was VERY heart felt, in fact I couldn't get thru it without me and my family breaking down in tears. When she said she was leaving, I told her that I was just about to read it and that I had written individual stuff to each member of the bridal party. I had hoped she would stay for that, but instead she just told me to EMAIL IT TO HER. What???? So I said okay, gave her her gift and sent her on her way. During the speech I made a point of saying that i was skipping the paragraph I wrote on her since she didn't stay to hear it. And my family (and everyone there) was appalled that she left right before the speech, having known I was JUST beginning it. What would she have to wait? Maybe an extra 10 minutes? It wasn't an hour long speech! Yeah, that hurt.
So now fast forward to the Wedding day. That morning she gets to my house at the time I had asked her to. She sneaks in and doesn't even say hi to me as I'm getting my make-up done. Usually you give the bride a hug, or at least say how pretty she is or SOMETHING. I got nothing from her - didn't even know she arrived until somebody else told me. And then she proceeded to not interact with the rest of the Bridal Party who were all giddy in one of the bedrooms getting ready.
After the wedding when we spent that hour taking pictures, she was FAR from enthusiastic. I figured - whatever she's tired. But my DH was SOOO pissed. Everytime the photographer called for the Bridal Party and she actually had to get off her @ss and smile, he'd roll her eyes like it was such an inconvenience. When I heard about this, I was SO hurt!! It would be different if we weren't close at all, or if we'd just had a big fight, or if I'd been a horrible MOH for HER wedding. But none of these are the case.
So now I'm just kind of wondering where our friendship stands. In many ways, I'd like to just move on and not give this girl another thought. But in other ways, it does hurt to let go, especially considering HOW close we once were. I dunno. Just all those little things she did that week leading up to the wedding really hurt me. I don't get it. Sometimes i wonder if she WAS mad at me for something I am not aware of, or if she'd been going thru something personal at home and did not know how to handle putting it aside for a few nights. Or if perhaps she was jealous. I mean, it's obvious that me & my family are so much closer than she is to hers... or maybe she was even just jealous of the wedding itself. Mine wasn't gaudy at all, in fact it was small (100 people) but it was still a lot more than what she had. I don't know.
sorry for the LONG vent. I just needed to get this out. It's been on my mind for awhile now and I'd rather not 'gossip' to people who know her. Thank you so much for listening. Any advice is always welcome.![]()
(edited to fix spelling errors)
Fast forward 5 months to MY Wedding. She was totally there for me during the months leading up. She'd call & text to see if I needed anything (which, I barely ever did because I had constantly stayed on top of my to-do list, but I always thanked her for the offer). I also heard from my MOH that she really helped so much with the plans for the Shower. I appreciated her helping my sister like that, and I made sure to write her a very special message (rather than the generic Thank You cards you give) and told her how much I appreciate her! After that she continued to be there for me as much as she could.
Now - - as you know, the week leading up to the Wedding was a CRAZY week! My fiance was finally flying into New York, after I had not seen him for 4 long months. So i had EVERY SINGLE DETAIL taken care of the week before that. All of sudden I get a text message from her 3 days before the rehearsal, asking when it was going to be. That was weird because i KNOW that i told her the day & time. No other Bridesmaid was confused. Yet, when I told her, she started acting like a jerk and being all like 'Oh, well i really wish I would have known, because i might have plans'. I apologized for the mix-up even though I am beyond certain that I told her about the rehearsal. And when she continued with attitude, I told her that even if there WAS a screw-up and she was not properly informed, it still does not take a genious to figure out when it's going to be. Obviously since my fiance was only getting in on Monday night and that week was Christmas Eve & Christmas - the only LOGICAL night it could possibly be is Friday (since the Wedding is Saturday). She realized she was being a stupid and let it drop. But then she told me that she'd only come to the rehearsal and not the dinner OR bachelorette party. I didn't mind the bachelorette since i hadn't made a big deal about this anyhow, but I was INSULTED that she would not make an effort to come to the Dinner, when I certainly went to hers and was as helpful as I could be. I told her not to worry about it though and let the whole thing drop.
At the rehearsal - she came on time and was pleasant enough. She even stayed for the dinner. And what I mean by that is - she ate & left. I had this whole thing planned, where I wrote a speech to my parents and to my Bridal Party which I would read as I gave them their gifts. Plus I was leaving NY right after the wedding so only God knows how long till I see them again. The speech was VERY heart felt, in fact I couldn't get thru it without me and my family breaking down in tears. When she said she was leaving, I told her that I was just about to read it and that I had written individual stuff to each member of the bridal party. I had hoped she would stay for that, but instead she just told me to EMAIL IT TO HER. What???? So I said okay, gave her her gift and sent her on her way. During the speech I made a point of saying that i was skipping the paragraph I wrote on her since she didn't stay to hear it. And my family (and everyone there) was appalled that she left right before the speech, having known I was JUST beginning it. What would she have to wait? Maybe an extra 10 minutes? It wasn't an hour long speech! Yeah, that hurt.
So now fast forward to the Wedding day. That morning she gets to my house at the time I had asked her to. She sneaks in and doesn't even say hi to me as I'm getting my make-up done. Usually you give the bride a hug, or at least say how pretty she is or SOMETHING. I got nothing from her - didn't even know she arrived until somebody else told me. And then she proceeded to not interact with the rest of the Bridal Party who were all giddy in one of the bedrooms getting ready.
After the wedding when we spent that hour taking pictures, she was FAR from enthusiastic. I figured - whatever she's tired. But my DH was SOOO pissed. Everytime the photographer called for the Bridal Party and she actually had to get off her @ss and smile, he'd roll her eyes like it was such an inconvenience. When I heard about this, I was SO hurt!! It would be different if we weren't close at all, or if we'd just had a big fight, or if I'd been a horrible MOH for HER wedding. But none of these are the case.
So now I'm just kind of wondering where our friendship stands. In many ways, I'd like to just move on and not give this girl another thought. But in other ways, it does hurt to let go, especially considering HOW close we once were. I dunno. Just all those little things she did that week leading up to the wedding really hurt me. I don't get it. Sometimes i wonder if she WAS mad at me for something I am not aware of, or if she'd been going thru something personal at home and did not know how to handle putting it aside for a few nights. Or if perhaps she was jealous. I mean, it's obvious that me & my family are so much closer than she is to hers... or maybe she was even just jealous of the wedding itself. Mine wasn't gaudy at all, in fact it was small (100 people) but it was still a lot more than what she had. I don't know.
sorry for the LONG vent. I just needed to get this out. It's been on my mind for awhile now and I'd rather not 'gossip' to people who know her. Thank you so much for listening. Any advice is always welcome.
(edited to fix spelling errors)
