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Marriage dilemma
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Re: Marriage dilemma
since u said the marriage thing is hard, do u think counseling will help. we're here for u
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Re: Marriage dilemma
I would try marriage counseling to see if that works for you guys. Good luck. ![]()
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Re: Marriage dilemma
This may help....
Communication Do's and Don't's
Focus on solving the problem instead of winning the argument; Listen with an open mind to make sure you understand what your spouse means instead of launching into an unnecessary argument; Explain yourself if you feel you have been misunderstood; Respect each other's opinion, even if you can't find an immediate solution to the problem; Spend time discussing problems and issues you each think are important; Be quick to forgive, quick to forget; Be sincere. Your words may say one thing, but your body language may convey something completely different;
Don't talk in code. Say what you mean, and say it respectfully; Don't go to sleep before resolving a conflict; Don't talk to your spouse in a rude, disparaging way; Don't criticize your spouse in front of others; Don't let anger cloud your judgment about the proper way to speak to and treat your spouse; Don't start arguments based on things that happened long ago; Don't assume that your spouse is personally attacking you just because he or she disagrees with you.
Communication Do's and Don't's
Focus on solving the problem instead of winning the argument; Listen with an open mind to make sure you understand what your spouse means instead of launching into an unnecessary argument; Explain yourself if you feel you have been misunderstood; Respect each other's opinion, even if you can't find an immediate solution to the problem; Spend time discussing problems and issues you each think are important; Be quick to forgive, quick to forget; Be sincere. Your words may say one thing, but your body language may convey something completely different;
Don't talk in code. Say what you mean, and say it respectfully; Don't go to sleep before resolving a conflict; Don't talk to your spouse in a rude, disparaging way; Don't criticize your spouse in front of others; Don't let anger cloud your judgment about the proper way to speak to and treat your spouse; Don't start arguments based on things that happened long ago; Don't assume that your spouse is personally attacking you just because he or she disagrees with you.
Member since
Re: Marriage dilemma
I would definitely suggest a marriage counselor. Or a counselor just for yourself if he won't agree to go. Has he always been controlling? You should definitely not be left out of finances, it's a major factor in so many things. You should consider opening up your own bank account and saving on your own. Don't give him the ability to control you through money. As far as the ex is concerned you should find out what financial situation she's contacting him about. If they're in debt together, you do have a right to know. It affects you too now.
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Re: Marriage dilemma
I would definitely suggest a marriage counselor!! I def think that the 1st year is tough-it's an adjustment period and anything that can help is def worth giving a shot! Good Luck!![]()
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Re: Marriage dilemma
Posted by Brian and Marie
I would definitely suggest a marriage counselor!! I def think that the 1st year is tough-it's an adjustment period and anything that can help is def worth giving a shot! Good Luck!![]()
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Well said!!
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Re: Marriage dilemma
I am all for marriage counseling.. I don't know why he would keep his finances separate from you.. it's a marriage, you are in it together.. I hope it all works out for you!! We are here for you!! ![]()
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Re: Marriage dilemma
Its been said 7 times already, but marraige counseling can fix these issues!
The first year of marraige is really tough! I know that a lot of girls on here talk all about the romance and how wonderful everthing is.
It is great, but its got its bumpy spots too.
These things (finances, exes, etc.) are all issues that can be dealt with. Now that you're married, you guys need to 're-write the contract.' THings are different now.....you are one unit and things need to be adjusted. NOTHING WRONG with having someone help you do that....a marriage counselor! You'll probably need to 're-write the contract' again when you have a family, and again throughout other life changes....its uncomfortable, but totally normal.
We're here for you to vent anytime.
The first year of marraige is really tough! I know that a lot of girls on here talk all about the romance and how wonderful everthing is.
It is great, but its got its bumpy spots too.
These things (finances, exes, etc.) are all issues that can be dealt with. Now that you're married, you guys need to 're-write the contract.' THings are different now.....you are one unit and things need to be adjusted. NOTHING WRONG with having someone help you do that....a marriage counselor! You'll probably need to 're-write the contract' again when you have a family, and again throughout other life changes....its uncomfortable, but totally normal.
We're here for you to vent anytime.
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Re: Marriage dilemma
Marriage Counselors, give it a try.
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Re: Marriage dilemma
Going to see a Marriage Counslor sounds like the Best thing to do, if he doesn't want to go then you sound Defitnely Go.
Communicatoin is VERY Important.
Trust is Very Important, which I know it there already by what you wrote.
I wish you Luck.![]()
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Please keep us Updated.
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Communicatoin is VERY Important.
Trust is Very Important, which I know it there already by what you wrote.
I wish you Luck.
Please keep us Updated.
Member since
Re: Marriage dilemma
I am sorry you are having a rough time. Is your husband aware of your feelings? Does he know that you find him controlling and have doubts about your marriage? I think you need to be completely honest with him and basically tell him what you wrote here.
About the money I think a marriage is a partnership of everything so if DH has debt so do I and if I win the lottery so does he. Explain to your DH that having seperate accounts is not working out for you because you don't know where the money is going. Tell him you would like to know what debts remain and what you can do to work together to get them paid off faster. Some people like to have a joint and seperate accounts, the joint account for household related bills the seperate accounts for personal spending. Maybe you could suggest something like that.
As for his ex I think it would be best to address it because the longer it goes not spoken about the angrier you will get and hurt feeling will build up. Can you think of a way to tell him you know they had contact without outing your friend. Maybe her number is in his call log or on his phone bill. That way you can discuss it.
About the money I think a marriage is a partnership of everything so if DH has debt so do I and if I win the lottery so does he. Explain to your DH that having seperate accounts is not working out for you because you don't know where the money is going. Tell him you would like to know what debts remain and what you can do to work together to get them paid off faster. Some people like to have a joint and seperate accounts, the joint account for household related bills the seperate accounts for personal spending. Maybe you could suggest something like that.
As for his ex I think it would be best to address it because the longer it goes not spoken about the angrier you will get and hurt feeling will build up. Can you think of a way to tell him you know they had contact without outing your friend. Maybe her number is in his call log or on his phone bill. That way you can discuss it.
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Re: Marriage dilemma
Thanks girls and you are right I am strating to get really angry. I told DH when he gets back from his buisness trip we need to go over somethings. Marriage counselibng is a great idea, but cant believe that is what we need after only being married such a short period of time. Dh has been a bit controlling from the begining, during our engagement. Thanks again for the advice, I will keep u updated.
