This was posted on LIFamilies and I thought it was interesting.
What do you think of giving a guy a marriage ultimatum.
i'll share my story in a few
MrsHtobe
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
MB - this has potential LOL
futuremrsfab
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
Posted by MrsHtobe
MB - this has potential LOL
yes, I'm bored today
MrsHtobe
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
I think that *USUALLY* when a man is ready to propose, he will. If he hasn't proposed - there is usually a reason.
But that is JMO - I don't think backing someone into a corner is the best way to go - I think finding out WHY he hasn't proposed yet and addressing that issue (if possible) is a better way to go.
JennNicole
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
I find Ultimatums rarely work.
IMO - I feel that is a bad way to enter into marriage.
It is all relative though - everyones circumstances/situations though are different. Sometimes , in some cases the man needs a push b/c of commitment phobia's or fears. I have seen this happen time and time again.
I personally think Silent ones work best. Never telling the man what the real plan is, and just moving on after a certain date. It can work w/a happy ending both ways. Either the guy sh!ts or gets off the pot once he realizes he lost the girl and or the girl finds new love that was more fulfilling for her in the long run.
eta: I think it is quite demeaning to hock a guy to marry you - if he doesn't want to do it , than you should move on. This is not the red cross , and I refer to..
I dont think it is a good idea. If I was dating someone for a long time and he didnt propose I'd be pi-sssed and would probably get fed up and dump him. If he came back begging and realized what he lost then maybe a 2nd chance. Anyway, some girls are just desparate to get married and for all the wrong reasons. They are obsessed with the idea of marriage but not all the work that goes into it - ie is your DH really going to change once you get engaged or married - probably not. In some cases they do change, in some. Ok I am not trying to spark any drama...so please dont attack....just how I feel and I have seen 2 of my best friends' marriages fail because they pressure for the ring and the wedding and it was for the wrong reasons and well its a long story.
Joette_Terese
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
I think they're a terrible idea (in the realm of proposals). I feel as though if someone needs to be pressured to enter into marriage, it's a bad way to start married life.
DH and I were together for nearly 9 years before he proposed. We always joked about it, as did our friends, but I knew that he had his reasons for holding off. I think if I had given him the 'marry me or else' speech, we would have been over. And I wouldn't want to marry someone who wasn't 100% invested in marrying me.
emomma17
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
Ultimatums for marriage = Disaster...just my opinion! It's no way to start a life together, to be forced into it.
MnM182008
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
I was dating fh for 5 years no proposal all my friends said tell him you want a commitment or your leaving. I refused, so one day I just broke up with him. We were apart for 3 months, and than he came to me and said I want to be with you, and we got back together 2 months after that he was down on one knee. I think ultimatums are ridiculous, and one person will always feels trapped. Not a good way to enter into a marriage.
Mici n KC
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
Definitely not good. If you're in an open relationship, you should both know what your plans are. If your guy has no intention of ever getting married and you do, then maybe you shouldn't be together.
MCA1180
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
Posted by Jenn04
I dont think it is a good idea. If I was dating someone for a long time and he didnt propose I'd be pi-sssed and would probably get fed up and dump him. If he came back begging and realized what he lost then maybe a 2nd chance. Anyway, some girls are just desparate to get married and for all the wrong reasons. They are obsessed with the idea of marriage but not all the work that goes into it - ie is your DH really going to change once you get engaged or married - probably not. In some cases they do change, in some. Ok I am not trying to spark any drama...so please dont attack....just how I feel and I have seen 2 of my best friends' marriages fail because they pressure for the ring and the wedding and it was for the wrong reasons and well its a long story.
ITA!
Smiley22
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
DH and I had been together for 4 years, and had just moved in. My family had been pressuring me to get engaged. DH and I knew we both were in love and would get married. After we moved in though, I did bring it up a lot. He said he was waiting for enough $ to buy a ring. I never gave him an ultimatum. I did nag a little...
Mici n KC
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
Share your story MB!
snwb08
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
Posted by Jenn04
I dont think it is a good idea. If I was dating someone for a long time and he didnt propose I'd be pi-sssed and would probably get fed up and dump him. If he came back begging and realized what he lost then maybe a 2nd chance. Anyway, some girls are just desparate to get married and for all the wrong reasons. They are obsessed with the idea of marriage but not all the work that goes into it - ie is your DH really going to change once you get engaged or married - probably not. In some cases they do change, in some. Ok I am not trying to spark any drama...so please dont attack....just how I feel and I have seen 2 of my best friends' marriages fail because they pressure for the ring and the wedding and it was for the wrong reasons and well its a long story.
i agree and have also seen multiple marriages fail because of the rush to just get married.
Future Mulligan
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
no -ultimatums are like manipulation and that isn't cool when love is supposed to be involved
Wifeynella
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
I think ultimatums are a great way to ruin a relationship. You can't back someone into a corner where they are forced to make decision. the decision to be married needs to be done on each person's own timetable.
DH and I dated 4 years and moved in together 4 month before he proposed. If he wasn't ready to pop the question I would have waited for him because we had the lines of the communication open and were always honest about where we stood with each other. Thats the key I think. JMO
lizzie217
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
Well on the one hand I completly disagree with an ultimatium bc I feel that a man should want to ask you to marry him not do so bc of the threat of you leaving.
On the other hand I think it is okay for a woman to let it be known what she wants. If she does not get it then perhaps an ultimatum in her own mind like 'Ok he knows this is what I want if he doesnt ask within 6 months I am moving on'.
I think its hard bc as easy for me to say okay tell him you want it, if he doesnt do it leave, I have never been in that situation so who knows.
I mean what about the guy who is telling the girl its on the way....month after month????? HOw will she leave when he keeps stringing her along? Its not so easy to walk after 3,4,5 yrs together
MsPotterhead
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Re: Marriage Ultimatums
Posted by Smiley22
DH and I had been together for 4 years, and had just moved in. My family had been pressuring me to get engaged. DH and I knew we both were in love and would get married. After we moved in though, I did bring it up a lot. He said he was waiting for enough $ to buy a ring. I never gave him an ultimatum. I did nag a little...
Our situation was kind of similar. It was DH's idea to move in together. I told him that I never imagined living with anyone before I was engaged. We talked, and he pretty much told me that he didn't either, and that we are headed in that direction. We got engaged 5 months after moving in together. I wouldn't call it an ultimatum, but it was a discussion - I wasn't going to live with him indefinitely.
