I think about you all often but haven't been able to make it on here. Nor have I felt up to it.
The last time I was here was 12/7/08 - I had posted about being in the Daily News weddings section. Shortly after making my post my mum called - she took my dad to the emergency room.
My dad had a triple bypass back in 2003. He started having a weird pain in his chest the previous Friday (12/5/08). Weird because it wasn't what he considered 'heart attack' type - it was above his left breast just below his shoulder and it would go away when he would apply a hot compress to it. However by Sunday morning the pain had become unbearable and he asked my mum to take him to hospital, still not believing he could be having a heart attack.
When he got to the hospital they took blood tests and his Cardiac Enzymes were high - he was either in the midst of a heart attack or had already had one and the Enzymes were on their way down. They kept him overnight. The next morning they did blood tests again - a good 'count' is 6 or 9 (I forget) and when he came in it was at 19. The next morning it was up to 59 - they though he had another heart attack in his sleep. Also, when they did a CAT scan of his heart they found a mass, a 'calcification' on his right lung which would also need to be looked at once they straightened everything out with his heart. They transferred him to Stony Brook Monday morning (my '1 month' anniversary). Later that morning they did an Angiogram and found that two of the bypasses were blocked - one 95% and one 100%. They inserted three stents and kept him for almost the whole week. He was so miserable - he hated being in the hospital! He wasn't getting any rest at all. On Thursday afternoon they finally let me take him home. He was SO SO happy to be home - to sleep in his own bed (hell, to sleep at all!) to be with his animals. Friday morning around 4 am he woke up to go to the bathroom - when he came back he woke my mum to tell her how nice it was to wake up with his wife beside him and his dogs at his feet. He was a bit worried about the mass on his lung - I was scheduled to take him for a PET scan on Monday morning at 7am. He was terrified it was going to be cancer but he just didn't think he had the strength (physically or emotionally) to deal with it.
I spent the whole afternoon with him Thursday and all day/evening Friday. We hung out, watched t.v., I made him healthy meals . . it was great. We talked about all sorts of stuff - he was just so happy to be home. One of the things we talked about was my ring. I ordered my ring online and because it was 'custom' I didn't have it in time for the wedding so my dad let me use his. When I got him home Thursday and checked my email I found they had canceled my order!
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I mentioned to him that DH had said that I shouldn't even bother - I should just keep my dad's ring since it had done right by him for 40 years - a good omen. My dad looked at me and said 'I would be honoured if you kept wearing my ring'. So now I wear my dad's wedding ring.
Saturday morning he woke up and came downstairs. My mum made him a cup of coffee - he took his medication and took two sips of coffee then said he wasn't feeling well and was going back to bed. He also asked her to cancel their plans for the day (my aunt and uncle were coming down from upstate to see him). He was still stressed and worried about the cancer and didn't really want to see anyone. About 10 minutes later he comes back downstairs in a panic - he has terrible chest pains going through to his back and down both arms. My mum tells him to take a Nitro pill and she calls me. While I'm on the phone with her my dad collapsed on the floor. I screamed for her to call an ambulance and hung up and headed over there. She got him off the floor and called for the ambulance. When they got there he was still conscious and begging for them to help him - he couldn't breathe. I met up with the ambulance in our neighborhood and turned around and followed them to the hospital. When they pulled him out he looked horrible and they were pumping his chest. I knew it was the worst. My mum said she didn't think he made it because when they were wheeling him out to the ambulance at the house, his head went back, his eyes went to the back of his head and his head fell forward - she knew he was gone at that moment.
So, one month after he escorted me down the aisle on my wedding day, my dad was gone. Words just cannot describe the pain, the fear, the everything. Sadly, I'm sure a lot of you know what I'm feeling. It was three weeks yesterday that he's been gone.
I'm sorry for the long winded post - I just needed to get it all off my chest. And I do want to start posting here again - you gals were (are!) the greatest. It's just I look at some of the posts and I couldn't give a f*ck right now - but I guess that's just par for the course, eh?
I miss you Papi!
