need advice

I have a small situation, that I am really upset about and trying to figure out what went wrong. So here is what's going on.

I have a friend for the past 3.5 years. We used to be very close until he got married. Then our friendship started drifting appart because my DH does not really like his wife and she does not really like my DH.

Since they have a kid and live in NJ (we live in Brooklyn, NY) it's pretty hard to get them to come over and we go over to NJ to my parents and if they are inviting we are always comming over. So it's been going on for the past couple of years that we see each other at least twice a year for my friend's bday and his wife's bday.

This year we came over for his bday back in January, then I celebrated my bday and I invited them over. We celebrated DH's bday at home, but he only had his closest friends over and only because it was a big bday. He turned 30, so we didn't invite them. Then they invited us to their kid's bday in June and came to our wedding in July. (he was actually our witness)

Yesterday was his wife's bday and I know they'll be celebrating it as usual this weekend. The thing is that, we are not invited. :( I am really upset about it and don't know what to think.

Did I do something wrong? Is there a chance that they are just not celebrating it? (I highly doubt it) Should I just ask him out straight? Or just let it go? I am really upset and a bit worried that something is wrong, but not sure how to approach it.

Interesting thing is that we were discussing it that we'll get to see each other more often this year because we are having out wedding and I was celebrating my bday and they have 3 bdays this year and not usual 2.

if he's a good friend and you want to continue the friendship - yeah, talk to him about it.

Looks like you're kinda drifting apart though....I don't see how you can be really good friends if your husband doesnt like his wife and vise versa. I coulnd't be friends with someone if htey didn't like my husband. is there a reason why they're not friends? can they talk it out? I would imagine it's incredibly difficult for you, sorry.

It is difficult.
It's a long story, but in couple of words his wife came from Russia just to marry him. Initially everyone thought that she is with him just for the green card. He used to be the biggest b**ch, but she changed a lot. My DH was not the most pleasant person either, but he changed over the years as well.

I still talk a lot with my friend, but of course not as much as I used to. After all he has a kid now and all he talks about is his kid. Which is understandable, since it's the biggest part of his life. :) Just like my wedding was for me for the past year.

Again, I would not be able to have a meaningful friendship with someone who didn't get along with my husband. If I did, it would be a 'filler friend' not a true friend. I don't need those. If you want to continue being friends with this guy, call him and ask him what's up. But in my opinion - if you have to ask - you already know something is wrong there...sorry

I would just assume they aren't celebrating her birthday with others.

Do people really celebrate birthdays to that extent once they are over 21? I can understand milestones like 30 or 35, but not every bday?

As the poster above says, it seems like you guys are drifing apart anyway....that happens a lot when new spouses come into the picture....its hard to mix all those persoanalities successfully!

I would take the high road and send her a bday card, and be done with it.

Even if they did have a big party for it, and you weren't invited, I doubt you'd want to force invitation........I'll probably get roasted for saying this but if they didn't inivite you, they're probably just not that into it, and besides.....if you weren't invited why would you want to go anyway?

I do know what you're going through though. I have had a lot of friendships change over recent years b/c DH doesn't love my friends husband, or I don't like one of DH's friends wives.....its tough but I think we all go through this to some extent at some point in our lives.

I agree with you and to be honest I don't want to be invited just because it's a tradition. She has a milestone, she just turned 25. We had a great time at my bday and out wedding.

I am a bit surprised and hurt, because it just came out of nowhere.

I don't want to pressure invitation, but I would like to know the reasoning behind it.

I did congratulate her yesterday.

I guess I'll just wait till my bday next year and see if they'll come :)