Please do not quote me bc I'll be taking this down.
A good friend of mine broke up with her bf about 3 weeks ago. He was the one that didn't want to be in a relationship but said they could be friends with benefits. (He didn't say it in those words, but you get the idea.) They had been off and on for over 2 years and they are now finally done for good. She is absolutely devasted. I am doing what I can to be a support for her, but feel like I'm just running out of things to comfort her. She is doing better than she was 3 weeks ago and I keep telling her this. I've also explained that this is normal and it can take more than 3 weeks to be completely over it. Any suggestions?
Kimbalina
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Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Maybe let her know that friends with benefits will not make the situation better,. it gets worse and jealousy will set in.
futuremrsfab
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Re: Need advice to give to a friend
it sounds like you are giving her good moral supprt- but sometimes it takes a really long time to get over someone- two years is a long time, she shouldnt rush herself.
the thing that will help is going out and just keeping busy- maybe join a club or sport or something to take her mind off it. Bonus she might meet someone new and she will forget all about her ex
good luck!
Mici n KC
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Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Posted by Kimbalina
Maybe let her know that friends with benefits will not make the situation better,. it gets worse and jealousy will set in.
She knows that, they aren't in that situation. He said they could do that and she said all or nothing. He was the one that ultimately didn't want the relationship though.
Mici n KC
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Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Posted by futuremrsfab
it sounds like you are giving her good moral supprt- but sometimes it takes a really long time to get over someone- two years is a long time, she shouldnt rush herself.
the thing that will help is going out and just keeping busy- maybe join a club or sport or something to take her mind off it. Bonus she might meet someone new and she will forget all about her ex
good luck!
She's been keeping herself busy, but it's the quiet times like when she's trying to go to sleep or driving to and from work where she thinks of him.
Kimbalina
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Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Posted by Mici n KC
Posted by Kimbalina
Maybe let her know that friends with benefits will not make the situation better,. it gets worse and jealousy will set in.
She knows that, they aren't in that situation.QUOTE]
Then I would just try and keep her mind off it. Remind her of who she was BEFORE or without him. Let her know that she is strong.. she might need to hear it some more.
futuremrsfab
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Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Posted by Mici n KC
Posted by futuremrsfab
it sounds like you are giving her good moral supprt- but sometimes it takes a really long time to get over someone- two years is a long time, she shouldnt rush herself.
the thing that will help is going out and just keeping busy- maybe join a club or sport or something to take her mind off it. Bonus she might meet someone new and she will forget all about her ex
good luck!
She's been keeping herself busy, but it's the quiet times like when she's trying to go to sleep or driving to and from work where she thinks of him.
its a hard thing to see your friend go through that type of pain. i guess just reminding her that you and her other friends are there anytime. she's thought of him for 2 years, so she almost has to retrain her mind now to forget about him- and that takes a while. sorry i dont have better advice
Mici n KC
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Posted by Kimbalina
Posted by Mici n KC
Posted by Kimbalina
Maybe let her know that friends with benefits will not make the situation better,. it gets worse and jealousy will set in.
She knows that, they aren't in that situation.
Then I would just try and keep her mind off it. Remind her of who she was BEFORE or without him. Let her know that she is strong.. she might need to hear it some more.
That's what I've been doing, I just think I might be the only one telling her.
Mici n KC
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Posted by futuremrsfab
Posted by Mici n KC
Posted by futuremrsfab
it sounds like you are giving her good moral supprt- but sometimes it takes a really long time to get over someone- two years is a long time, she shouldnt rush herself.
the thing that will help is going out and just keeping busy- maybe join a club or sport or something to take her mind off it. Bonus she might meet someone new and she will forget all about her ex
good luck!
She's been keeping herself busy, but it's the quiet times like when she's trying to go to sleep or driving to and from work where she thinks of him.
its a hard thing to see your friend go through that type of pain. i guess just reminding her that you and her other friends are there anytime. she's thought of him for 2 years, so she almost has to retrain her mind now to forget about him- and that takes a while. sorry i dont have better advice
That's a very good way of putting it. I think I'll use that retrain her mind! Thanks!
Espo22
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Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Posted by Mici n KC
Posted by futuremrsfab
it sounds like you are giving her good moral supprt- but sometimes it takes a really long time to get over someone- two years is a long time, she shouldnt rush herself.
the thing that will help is going out and just keeping busy- maybe join a club or sport or something to take her mind off it. Bonus she might meet someone new and she will forget all about her ex
good luck!
She's been keeping herself busy, but it's the quiet times like when she's trying to go to sleep or driving to and from work where she thinks of him.
Unfortunately, i hate to say this but there is nothing anybody can do during those moments to not hurt or get over it. I think no matter what advice people give you and no matter how true it is, even knowing youre better off it wont help bc you just cant help how you feel. Keeping busy is the best thing to do, but no matter how busy you keep there will be times you are alone with your thoughts.
I think a person needs to go through this, go through all the emotions and it will get easier. You do go through stages of shock, hurt, missing them and then slowly you get to a place where you are fine with it and move on. I think its when somebody doesnt go through all the emotions and bottles it in that it takes longer to get over it bc they never dealt with the emotions so let her let it all out now.
Joette_Terese
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Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Posted by Espo22
Posted by Mici n KC
Posted by futuremrsfab
it sounds like you are giving her good moral supprt- but sometimes it takes a really long time to get over someone- two years is a long time, she shouldnt rush herself.
the thing that will help is going out and just keeping busy- maybe join a club or sport or something to take her mind off it. Bonus she might meet someone new and she will forget all about her ex
good luck!
She's been keeping herself busy, but it's the quiet times like when she's trying to go to sleep or driving to and from work where she thinks of him.
Unfortunately, i hate to say this but there is nothing anybody can do during those moments to not hurt or get over it. I think no matter what advice people give you and no matter how true it is, even knowing youre better off it wont help bc you just cant help how you feel. Keeping busy is the best thing to do, but no matter how busy you keep there will be times you are alone with your thoughts.
I think a person needs to go through this, go through all the emotions and it will get easier. You do go through stages of shock, hurt, missing them and then slowly you get to a place where you are fine with it and move on. I think its when somebody doesnt go through all the emotions and bottles it in that it takes longer to get over it bc they never dealt with the emotions so let her let it all out now.
Ditto. Listen to her when she needs to talk, help her keep her mind off of it when she is trying to. It's hard to help someone through this time but in the end your support will mean so much.
Jenn04
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Re: Need advice to give to a friend
I know its hard - just keep giving her ammunition to be mad (not sad). When one is sad and they miss the person they end up calling him, etc. Also tell her to keep busy as much as possible. Go the gym, go shopping, go to happy hour.
Espo22
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Re: Need advice to give to a friend
is she dating again? maybe setting her up with a real nice guy. Dating a guy that is much nicer and treats you better than your ex helps and not that it has to end up being a real serious relationship but its good to see there is better out there.
Mici n KC
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Member since
Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Posted by Joette_Terese
Posted by Espo22
Posted by Mici n KC
Posted by futuremrsfab
it sounds like you are giving her good moral supprt- but sometimes it takes a really long time to get over someone- two years is a long time, she shouldnt rush herself.
the thing that will help is going out and just keeping busy- maybe join a club or sport or something to take her mind off it. Bonus she might meet someone new and she will forget all about her ex
good luck!
She's been keeping herself busy, but it's the quiet times like when she's trying to go to sleep or driving to and from work where she thinks of him.
Unfortunately, i hate to say this but there is nothing anybody can do during those moments to not hurt or get over it. I think no matter what advice people give you and no matter how true it is, even knowing youre better off it wont help bc you just cant help how you feel. Keeping busy is the best thing to do, but no matter how busy you keep there will be times you are alone with your thoughts.
I think a person needs to go through this, go through all the emotions and it will get easier. You do go through stages of shock, hurt, missing them and then slowly you get to a place where you are fine with it and move on. I think its when somebody doesnt go through all the emotions and bottles it in that it takes longer to get over it bc they never dealt with the emotions so let her let it all out now.
Ditto. Listen to her when she needs to talk, help her keep her mind off of it when she is trying to. It's hard to help someone through this time but in the end your support will mean so much.
That's what I've been doing. I'm just looking for new things to say. I feel like I'm repeating the same stuff lol. I know she is really thankful to vent to me and I'm more than happy to do it. I've been through a bad breakup too so I'm able to relate to the feelings she's going through. I know she will get through this, just a matter of time.
Mici n KC
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Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Posted by Espo22
is she dating again? maybe setting her up with a real nice guy. Dating a guy that is much nicer and treats you better than your ex helps and not that it has to end up being a real serious relationship but its good to see there is better out there.
No, she doesn't want to think about other guys right now. He wasn't bad to her, just didn't want to be in a relationship. She's not at that point yet.
skinny237
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Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Everytime I got hurt when a relationship ended, my friends always told me to:
1. Rearrange my apartment. It defintiely helps! 2. Get a haircut or change my hair color. 3. Start something I never would have done if i was still with him.
Those things helped me a lot and now I give the same advice to friends! No matter what, it's still going to take her time!
MCA1180
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Member since
Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Posted by Espo22
Posted by Mici n KC
Posted by futuremrsfab
it sounds like you are giving her good moral supprt- but sometimes it takes a really long time to get over someone- two years is a long time, she shouldnt rush herself.
the thing that will help is going out and just keeping busy- maybe join a club or sport or something to take her mind off it. Bonus she might meet someone new and she will forget all about her ex
good luck!
She's been keeping herself busy, but it's the quiet times like when she's trying to go to sleep or driving to and from work where she thinks of him.
Unfortunately, i hate to say this but there is nothing anybody can do during those moments to not hurt or get over it. I think no matter what advice people give you and no matter how true it is, even knowing youre better off it wont help bc you just cant help how you feel. Keeping busy is the best thing to do, but no matter how busy you keep there will be times you are alone with your thoughts.
I think a person needs to go through this, go through all the emotions and it will get easier. You do go through stages of shock, hurt, missing them and then slowly you get to a place where you are fine with it and move on. I think its when somebody doesnt go through all the emotions and bottles it in that it takes longer to get over it bc they never dealt with the emotions so let her let it all out now.
ITA! and couldn't have said it any better... if she loved him, feeling pain at his loss is natural and it's inevitable. I know it sounds cliche but time will help her move on. It's always easy to be objective as a third party and know these things, but always the hardest to believe when you actually are the one experiencing it. It will get better. Jumpig into a new relationship may or may not be the best thing for her at this time. (I only say that bc I know a girl who goes from one bad relationship to the other without ever taking a breather which isn't healthy for her)
bluekat16
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Posted by Espo22
Posted by Mici n KC
Posted by futuremrsfab
it sounds like you are giving her good moral supprt- but sometimes it takes a really long time to get over someone- two years is a long time, she shouldnt rush herself.
the thing that will help is going out and just keeping busy- maybe join a club or sport or something to take her mind off it. Bonus she might meet someone new and she will forget all about her ex
good luck!
She's been keeping herself busy, but it's the quiet times like when she's trying to go to sleep or driving to and from work where she thinks of him.
Unfortunately, i hate to say this but there is nothing anybody can do during those moments to not hurt or get over it. I think no matter what advice people give you and no matter how true it is, even knowing youre better off it wont help bc you just cant help how you feel. Keeping busy is the best thing to do, but no matter how busy you keep there will be times you are alone with your thoughts.
I think a person needs to go through this, go through all the emotions and it will get easier. You do go through stages of shock, hurt, missing them and then slowly you get to a place where you are fine with it and move on. I think its when somebody doesnt go through all the emotions and bottles it in that it takes longer to get over it bc they never dealt with the emotions so let her let it all out now.
I completely agree. It's a grieving process that shee needs to go through. Def. try to keep busy, but even in those alone moments when she gets sad...tell her to remember why they aren't together anymore...he didn't want to be with her..and why be with someone who doesn't want you...all of you.
Gigi08
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Member since
Re: Need advice to give to a friend
Time...it just may take some time. I think she will appreciate just being able to talk to you about it, maybe longer than anyone thinks she should be, without feeling bad about it...you know what I mean. Even though she may realize she made the right decision, it takes longer to accept it when you're the one going through it. Like anything else, everyone handles things differently, so she'll just have to find her way through it. Nice of you to be such a good friend to her...that really helps too!
kirstenjk
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Member since
Re: Need advice to give to a friend
The only thing that will help her is time - like they say time heals all wounds. Every day it gets a little bit easier and eventually she won't be hurt any longer.
The biggest and most important thing for her is to have absolutely no contact with her ex-boyfriend. The only way she will be able to move on is to not keep opening the hurt. Delete his phone number from her phone, block him from e-mail, im's, facebook, etc. Tell him straight out that she does not want to hear from him and that when she is ready she will contact him, if she ever feels the need to.
