So 2 of my bms (they are sisters) who've I've know since junior high did not give me a gift at my wedding. I would not be upset by this normally bc I completely understand that money is tight. But they never mentioned that they couln't give me anything yet. They haven't even given me a CARD!!! Throughout this whole wedding process it was like they didn't really care. They didn't give me a card for engagement, my shower-all they did was show up they offered no help or showed any effort at all. I had to practically beg then to help organize my bachelorette party. And then at my wedding I don't get so much as a card? I'm pretty upset over this. I feel like I need to clear the air with them but DH says that I should just let it go bc it will ruin our friendship. I feel like our friendship is already strained. This is just one of so many insults. What would you guys do?
dream426
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
That is a tough call. I agree with both you and your DH. I am sorry I don't know what to say. Its like if you don't say something now to clear the air it can turn into a huge fight later but if you say something now it might ruin your friendship like your husband said. If you are ready for what might happen if you say something then I just might bring it up now. Its not right what they did and it would bother me also. Sorry I am really no help but just weigh out the consequences for what would happen if you did say something to what would happen if you didn't.
Mrs A in May
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
Thank you, I agree that if I DON'T say something that it will be worse in the long run Also, I'm not sure what exactly to say lol I'm going to see them in a little while. sigh
dream426
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
Maybe start by asking if they had fun at the wedding and build from there. You can then say because I was worried you would because you just didn't seem excited through the planning process and build from that. It is hard because I don't really know them so I am not sure how they would react to certain things. But just an idea for a start. It is a hard situation. Good luck.
songwriterchic
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
I would let it go. Are they married yet? If not, when it's their turn, don't get them anything either.
Mrs A in May
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
LOL! That's exactly what DH said. No neither of them are married and we think that has something to do with it. DH just said remember this when they have something.
Summer07Bride
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
I personally wouldn't say anything. We did not get a card or gift from one of the groomsman and we left it at that
PegaLega
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
I wouldnt say anything, we had a few guests not even give a card-we know where we stand with them now and its sucky but there isnt much that you can do. I can see how you want to and how it hurts and is upsetting but to tell them about it would just make the situation worse AND will seem like you are 'asking' for a gift/card.
If you REALLY need to say something just say you are upset with their actions thru out the whole process and maybe it will walk you into the card situation.
MushesGirl
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
It really ***** that you have to go through this. Jealousy could definitly be a factor here; but by listening to what you are saying about how they acted through the whole process(i'd be really po'd with that behavior!!) i'd have to question 1)how good are these friends really and 2)do you want to continue to be friends?
only you can answer those questions.
vmystique33
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
We had 3 people in our BP not give us anything either we just let it go !! It really bothered us that we didnt even get a card either but its not worth fighting about or even mentioning
curiousgeorge
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
I would def say something...that is so rude and uncalled for! I had a similar situation...except mine was more like this...a friend of mine also a bm told me that I had to have my rehearsal dinner on a certain day because she could not afford to take off from work anymore AFTER her 2 week vacation in FL....and then proceeded to say ' I would like to be able to give you a gift' WHO SAYS that??? I felt like saying something right then and there on the phone...but my dh made me hold back and let it go...but in the end it just got worse and piled up and I just got more and more angry...especially after I heard she was the ONLY one who complained about how she didnt want to spend 'THAT MUCH MONEY' on my shower!! I ended up not holding back and I got really angry and let it all out haha! I think you are better off saying something now....before it gets worse! Goodluck!
Cpt2007
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
I can understand how you would be upset, especially if they didn't seem as though they cared enough to offer to help you throughout your planning process.
However, etiquette for wedding gifts state that someone has up to a year to get you something, card given day of or not. Also, if it is a money trouble thing, perhaps they are embarrassed and don't know how to say it. You'd be surprised at what monetary anxiety causes a person to do.
If it were me, I'd let it go. Sounds like your friendship with them may be fading anyway and you don't want to seem like you are angry just b/c they didn't give you a gift. Take the high road on this one and let this play out on it's own.
JMO
Mikeysgirl
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
Why don't you just tell them that you didn't see a card from them and you want to make sure that the hall didn't lose some of the cards.
Papillon25
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
I think its up to you if you still want to maintain the relationship. I had issues with one of my BM's and in truth, I have known her for my whole life and just think that we no longer have anything in common and there really hasn't been a friendship in a LOOOONG time (I have made an effort, she has not). For me, I just let the issues with the wedding go because I realized I have better friends and I just don't make as much of an effort as I did in the past since its not returned and appreciated.
It's a hard thing to realize but sometimes the best thing to do is let a friend go......
Mrs A in May
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
Thanks girls for the advice! I had lunch with them today and one actually did say that she has my gift at home Doesn't make too much sense but I feel better that she at least said something. I think the sad reality is that we are growing apart. I spoke to my mom about it and she said not to say anything. This wedding experience has been a real eye-opener as to who my true friends are and who really aren't.
B22
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Re: Need advice, WWYD???
if they didn't give you a card for your engagement party and your shower, why are you surprised you didn;t get one for your wedding?
