Need an opinion - Am I being Selfish?

Need an opinion - Am I being Selfish?

Hi Ladies,

I need your opinion as to whether I am behaving like a spoiled child or not. Saturday was our FIRST wedding anniversary, and I had hoped it would be special. I picked out 2 cards for him (one funny, one sentimental) bought him a gift certificate for a massage, and bought his favorite flavored jelly beans as a joke.

Well he got me a card and we went to dinner.. I guess I was hoping for a little something, a little bunch of flowers..just something and NO he didn`t get me anything for Valentine`s Day so...

Am I being selfish??

Need an opinion - Am I being Selfish?

I would feel the same way...I think men are a little clueless when it comes to these things...
DId you just have a large purchase like a house? Car? or something of that nature.
Because for the Holidays this year Mitch and I just moveds into our house so we did not buy each other anything.
I would just ask him...maybe he felt since you were married he did not need to do those things...

Different expectations.... (long)

It`s not so much a matter of being selfish as it is different ways of acknowledging and celebrating events whether it`s anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc.

My hubby hates wrapping gifts, thinks cards are a rip-off and that holidays like valentine`s day are perpetuated by the media and force guys into living up to some hyped-up standard where they have to measure up (and ante up) or else. He`s also always at a loss for what to give as a gift. I essentially give him 'hints' and end up getting something from my hint list - rarely get any surprises. Our anniversary is 2 days before my Birthday and I keep telling him I`ll let him get away with a single gift if it`s a 'really good one'. :-)

I, on the other hand, love all the trimmings and such - cards, surprises, wrapping and bows, and celebrating occasions like anniversaries. I get little things for a Christmas stocking in addition to gifts, and wrap it all fancy.

We`ve gotten better about communicating our expectations over the years (it`s been almost 10 that we`ve been together). He now knows that I expect wrapping, although he still trys to avoid bows. I`ve gotten a supply of gift bags for him to use, to make it easier on him. And we talk about what we`re doing - such as this year, getting a BBQ as a joint gift, so I don`t build up any hopes only to be disapointed.

I keep reminding myself too, that every so often he`ll surprise me with flowers, or a gift, for no reason at all, and that means as much or even more than getting something because tradition says we should exchange gifts.

Anyway, you're not being selfish. It's natural to want to commemorate a special event. In your mind, that meant marking it with an exchange of gifts, and in his, it meant marking it with a card and being together for a nice dinner. It's just a different outlook.

Need an opinion - Am I being Selfish?

I don't think you are being selfish at all, just disappointed, as I would be. Unfortunately some (most!) men don't express themselves as well as we do, and although he probably felt the 'specialness' of the day, he didn't show it. Maybe a little heart-to-heart is in order. Once he knows how you feel, I bet things will be different. : )

MichelleW

First of all - Happy 1st Anniversary!!!

I am so sorry that you are disappointed. Aside from your first year of marriage, how long have you and your husband been together? Has this ever happened before on a special occasion?

Perhaps you and your husband just have different styles when it comes to giving gifts or acknowledging special occasions. I know this was true of my husband and I - until I showed him how to be more thoughtful about giving gifts - not just to me, but family too.

Maybe your hubby's father never gave his mother an anniversary gift, so by example, he doesn't think he needs to give his wife something special.

I don't think you are being selfish. I think every woman wants to be spoiled by her husband. However, it's important that your expectations are in line with his in this capacity. I think you should talk to your hubby and explain how you feel, without accusing him of totally 'blowing it.'

Sometimes, men just need to be 'coached' a little - depending on experiences within their family unit, or in their own relationships, they just might not be unaware of what is expected of them.

Good luck, and don't fret - the great part about anniversaries is that they happen once a year!