Need some help / advice

Hi Ladies.. I know you are always great with advice so here is my situation! Sorry its a little long.

Remember I posted earlier this week that I didn't think I was going to get a second interview for the job I applied for? Well I got an email saying I am getting a second interview they will be in touch soon to schedule it. Its great and all except I realize... I dont want the job!

Basically when I thought I wasn't getting the interview I was upset but (as i told you ladies) also happy bc that meant having babies earlier etc. Since then DH and I talked alot about our life over the next 3 years and I realized that I really did not want the job anyhow. Plus I think the fact that I was relieved at the thought of not getting a second interview is a huge sign that deep down I didn't want it.

So here is my dilema. I want to tell the HR rep now that I am no longer interested at this time and not waste anymore time interviewing. I dont want to waste my time or their time. However, I told my boss this and my boss was like. ' Why dont you interview anyhow and if you are offered the job then you can think about it because I think its a really good opportunity for you and you just have cold feet'. I tried telling him that I wouldnt accept it if it was offered to me anyhow but he really thinks its just me being self conscious or getting cold feet. I don't want to outright say 'dude I dont want it so I can start the baby making' so I am not sure what to do.

and dont get me wrong.. baby making is not the only reason why I dont want this job. Its a big reason but there are other things that come into play (flexibility, future managers, other opportunities, etc)

I am not sure if I should tell them now I dont want it... or if I should listen to my boss and go through with the interview process knowing I wont accept it if its offered?

Keep in mind the people I would be interviewing with are managers I already work for!

Thanks so much if you got this far

I would absolutely tell them, if you are 100% sure you don't want it - but also if you are 100% sure you won't want a promotion or a new job within the same group. I say that because if you decide in two years not to have babies right now and start the interview process all over again, I wonder if this might reflect poorly on you, you know?

But definitely - don't waste their time or yours if you know you don't want it. I think they would appreciate that.

Oh hard one - I would say if you really are 100% sure that you don't want it - don't do another interview - I would write a nice note saying that you really appreciated the opportunity but due to personal reasons, after much contemplation that you have decided that it's not right for you right now and because you respect them, the work that they do, and the opportunity that you did not want to waste any more of their time or something like that. .

but if any part of you wants to do it (just bc I know how unhappy you seem to be in your current situation) then I would do the interview and decide from there. .you can always write the same letter afterwards . .
oh and congrats on getting the 2nd interview even if you don't want it - that's still a feat!

I wouldn't let the job stop you from your family planning. Honestly. I would take the interview, do the best you can, and take the job if you get it. If you get pregnant, you'll work several months into your pregnancy, and when you leave on maternity leave, you'll be that much further along in your career -- never a bad thing.

Companies cannot penalize you for having a child. They can't make you sign a contract saying you won't get pregnant if you take the job or anything like that!!!

I would go out there full force and do it for yourself and learn what you can from it during the time you're at this new position. It can only be a step upward. If you get pregnant in 4 or 5 months, all the more the blessings!!!!

But I would definitely go on the interview and not tell ANYONE that you don't want this job.

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Posted by meara



Oh hard one - I would say if you really are 100% sure that you don't want it - don't do another interview - I would write a nice note saying that you really appreciated the opportunity but due to personal reasons, after much contemplation that you have decided that it's not right for you right now and because you respect them, the work that they do, and the opportunity that you did not want to waste any more of their time or something like that. .

but if any part of you wants to do it (just bc I know how unhappy you seem to be in your current situation) then I would do the interview and decide from there. .you can always write the same letter afterwards . .
oh and congrats on getting the 2nd interview even if you don't want it - that's still a feat!

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That's exactly what I would do.

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Posted by springsandra

I wouldn't let the job stop you from your family planning. Honestly. I would take the interview, do the best you can, and take the job if you get it. If you get pregnant, you'll work several months into your pregnancy, and when you leave on maternity leave, you'll be that much further along in your career -- never a bad thing.

Companies cannot penalize you for having a child. They can't make you sign a contract saying you won't get pregnant if you take the job or anything like that!!!

I would go out there full force and do it for yourself and learn what you can from it during the time you're at this new position. It can only be a step upward. If you get pregnant in 4 or 5 months, all the more the blessings!!!!

But I would definitely go on the interview and not tell ANYONE that you don't want this job.

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Thanks hun!! but its 27 month intense rotation program and you are not allowed to take maternity leave at all. I will be dropped from the program if I have to take a leave and end up with no job!

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Posted by meara



Oh hard one - I would say if you really are 100% sure that you don't want it - don't do another interview - I would write a nice note saying that you really appreciated the opportunity but due to personal reasons, after much contemplation that you have decided that it's not right for you right now and because you respect them, the work that they do, and the opportunity that you did not want to waste any more of their time or something like that. .

but if any part of you wants to do it (just bc I know how unhappy you seem to be in your current situation) then I would do the interview and decide from there. .you can always write the same letter afterwards . .
oh and congrats on getting the 2nd interview even if you don't want it - that's still a feat!

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Thanks!! I am def. unhappy but I spoke to my boss about that a little the other day and am hoping that maybe he can offer me other opportunities. hmmm I dont know what to do!

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Posted by JennyAPH

Thanks hun!! but its 27 month intense rotation program and you are not allowed to take maternity leave at all. I will be dropped from the program if I have to take a leave and end up with no job!

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You would have one incredible law suit if that's true. That's completely illegal.


I'm sure you'll make the best decision for you.

I would just tell them!
better that than going thru the whole process only to turn the job down!

If you are 100% sure that you don't want the job then I would be totally honest with them.

I would call the HR department and tell them that you hace already accepted another offer, or you have decided to go a different path and thank them for their time and wish them luck on finding the right canidate. Just double think things through before you give them your answer!

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Posted by springsandra

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Posted by JennyAPH

Thanks hun!! but its 27 month intense rotation program and you are not allowed to take maternity leave at all. I will be dropped from the program if I have to take a leave and end up with no job!

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You would have one incredible law suit if that's true. That's completely illegal.


I'm sure you'll make the best decision for you.

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Good point! but I know I would be dropped from the program bc you have to complete 3 full 9 month rotations and graduate with your class, you can not start or end at a different time etc. I figured that meant I would be out of a job but you are right that is illegal so I guess I would just be placed wherever they could fit me (that has happened to alot of woman here, they leave on maternity and come back to a different job they dont even want.. its horrible).

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Posted by springsandra

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Posted by JennyAPH

Thanks hun!! but its 27 month intense rotation program and you are not allowed to take maternity leave at all. I will be dropped from the program if I have to take a leave and end up with no job!

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You would have one incredible law suit if that's true. That's completely illegal.


I'm sure you'll make the best decision for you.

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Sandra's right - I am a labor and employment attorney - they would have to offer you a reasonable accommodation and cannot do that!

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Posted by JennyAPH

Good point! but I know I would be dropped from the program bc you have to complete 3 full 9 month rotations and graduate with your class, you can not start or end at a different time etc. I figured that meant I would be out of a job but you are right that is illegal so I guess I would just be placed wherever they could fit me (that has happened to alot of woman here, they leave on maternity and come back to a different job they dont even want.. its horrible).

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My step mom had a similar problem with her PHD program her job was paying for. She was supposed to start and finish with the same class and they're very rigid about it.

Well, she ended up needing open heart surgery very suddenly, so she got backed up several weeks from that, and then my dad almost died from some surgical complications, and she had to be around to take care of him... but after over a year of delays, she's finally been approved for her doctoral thesis and is chugging ahead! She's very fortunate they made it work for her (despite being really angry at her several times, from what I understand).


Sounds like a pro - con list is in order... That's where I'm at in my job prospects as well right now.

do what your gut tells you!

If you don't want the 2nd interview, let them know. I wouldn't bother with another interview just to see what happens like ur current boss says, what's the point if you really don't want to take the job.

Good Luck with your decision

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Posted by meara



Oh hard one - I would say if you really are 100% sure that you don't want it - don't do another interview - I would write a nice note saying that you really appreciated the opportunity but due to personal reasons, after much contemplation that you have decided that it's not right for you right now and because you respect them, the work that they do, and the opportunity that you did not want to waste any more of their time or something like that. .

but if any part of you wants to do it (just bc I know how unhappy you seem to be in your current situation) then I would do the interview and decide from there. .you can always write the same letter afterwards . .
oh and congrats on getting the 2nd interview even if you don't want it - that's still a feat!

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ita

Thanks everyone!