No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

JudyBee Posted: Sep 02, 2002 09:28 AM

No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

Now we have returned from our honeymoon, John and I have figured out who gave what, who shouldn't have bothered and who gave nothing.

Well, it was not that bad!!!

We had already calculated who might not show up even if they replied yes. A very good move.

A few people seemed confused between giving something or nothing at all. To save embarrassment for them, I will withhold their names

Did anyone else have the same experience

John and I still have not opened everything, as we are looking to purchase a new home within a year and it will not be worth unpacking to pack again.

I am in the process of shifting things to accommodate more things and it will take a few days for this to happen as it is not easy living in a 2 bedroom apartment that is fast becoming a storage area

Kathi Posted: Sep 02, 2002 09:54 AM

Re: No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

I only had 2 'no shows'. One was my DH's friend's wife who has cancer and just wasn't up to a long day. We totally understood since we knew she may not come. The other one was my friend who was in the ER the day before my wedding, unbeknownst to me, with 103 temp!! He called me the day after the wedding to apologize and his gift was in our mail when we got home from our honeymoon.

From what I've been reading and seeing here (and other places), we were very lucky in the *gift* department. We got a card and gift from every single guest that attended our wedding (and even some from the people we couldn't invite!) I still can't believe how generous our family and friends are.

I have an uncle in Cali who couldn't even send the $^&* response card back!! Obviously, he never sent a wedding card... And my mom flew to Vegas for his FIFTH wedding!! Hard to believe he's her brother. Dork!

You just never know!! LOL

Congrats on your marriage and welcome the 'other side'!!

P.S. I haven't opened any of my shower gifts from last August!! They're all at my mom's house until we move into our new house in November!!

aug9bride Posted: Sep 02, 2002 07:27 PM

Re: No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

Samanthas Mom Posted: Sep 06, 2002 09:32 PM

Re: No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

judy
we had two no shows also
one works w/ me and told me four times.... he was coming.... b/c we never got his reply
he said no no no
my wife mailed it right away, dont know why you didnt get it....... and he never showed!!!! and no gift and one of craigs single friends, never showed

JudyBee Posted: Sep 07, 2002 11:59 PM

Re: No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

Tammy, the people that did not show still have not called with any explanation. I cannot be bothered to call them, I just don't think they are worth it. It is safe to say that I now see them in a different light.

yabbobay Posted: Sep 08, 2002 08:03 PM

Re: No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

I wasn't as upset with not getting a gift, but not giving a card???

I was also upset with one person who said they 'forgot' about the wedding and didn't come...turns out he was upset that he wasn't invited to a wedding 3 weeks before...hello? that had nothing to do with us!!!

I am just happy to have had everyone there...after a brief period of being pissed...it passes

Casey10 Posted: Sep 11, 2002 10:25 AM

Re: No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

We had several 'non-gift' givers. In fact several of the bridal party...interesting...If you know you are inthe wedding a year in advance...one would think that they would 'remember' to at least give a card...Come on....Sorry a little annoyed....I have remembered to give gifts at weddings..or at least given notice that soemthing is on the way...

Samanthas Mom Posted: Sep 11, 2002 12:03 PM

Re: No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

WOW. bridal party
that is weird.....
we didnt have any nongift givers
however, it is weird that one guy I work w/ has not mentioned a thing!!! doesnt he know I know he wasnt there
his place card was the only one on the table! DUH
sorry, just have to vent
b/c he says hi and smiles and it is weird
you would think he would tell me some excuse or would have sent a card or a gift
especially since I asked him so many times if he was coming on acct of not getting his rsvp and he told me yes
and we paid for two invisible people
waste of money, totally

Kel Posted: Sep 12, 2002 01:11 AM

Re: No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

Okay, I'm going to play both sides here (sort of)...

I totally know what it's like to have guests come empty handed .. we had a few of those .. and what made it worse, was that we had one card, that had cash in it, that was unsigned .. so we have no idea who of the 'empty-handed' clan actually might have simply just forgotten to sign the card. But honestly, it is pretty rude to show up to such a happy, joyous event, and not even leave a card of kind wishes. As for the money 'gift' part, well .. sure it's still wrong for someone to go to such an event and not bring at least a little something, however, I think it's also wrong to sit and figure that each plate costs X amount of money, and the guests should be providing a gift of similar value. The idea of a wedding is not to have the guests cover the costs (nice thought), it's about sharing and celebrating the day with those you love.

With that said .. I had people who insisted they were coming who never showed up, and I had people who insisted they were bringing a date show up solo .. and never even tried to share why their 'date' didn't show .. funny thing is .. these are the same people we suspect didn't get us the unsigned card!

Some people just have no class .. or social skills.

JudyBee Posted: Sep 12, 2002 06:05 AM

Re: No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

I am a firm believer in, if you think it, say it, WRITE it, you must believe it.

I think the cost of a plate crosses every brides mind, it doesn't matter if it is wrong or not, it is just fact.

The cheap givers should be ashamed of themselves because I am sure when they get married they will expect their bags to be full. My suggestion to them is not to have a catered event, just have a backdoor b-b-q or hit Mickey Dees , it will save them the embarassment of not receiving anything or having anybody show up. I know that I can afford to fork out for some fries

I know I am being bad, so what. It is not as though cheap and non don't have GOOD jobs.

The people that never showed at my wedding have not called to explain why, and I am sure that they know that I am not even interested in listening to an explanation. I know they are still alive and kicking. This is why we have RSVPs, if you cannot attend say NO. If you cannot truely afford to come, say NO.

Kate Posted: Sep 12, 2002 11:44 AM

Re: No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

Kel- I totally agree with your post. I feel uncomfortable even thinking about the thought of brides counting their loot based on plate cost and what they think they should get, and what they think is cheap or not.

Judybee- Just curious, did any guests give wrapped gifts? ie, candle sticks, picture frame, place setting, etc? You don't sound like you'd be too thrilled with that either.

michele31 Posted: Sep 12, 2002 03:12 PM

Re: No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

I am getting married in a few weeks and honestly I do not expect to 'make my money' back. I think that it is unfair to expect guests to pay for the wedding that I want to have. I never give a gift based on plate value either. I always give a nice gift, no matter where or when the wedding is held. My check does not change because someone had their wedding in a home or in the Plaza.
I hope that everyone who says they will come, does come. Because I think it is unfair to ask a couple to waste money like that. But really, Scott and I figure people will give us what they can/want/think they should and that is that.

Cindy Posted: Sep 13, 2002 12:07 PM

Re: No Shows, Are You Sure You Could Afford It? and Non Givers

I had a few no shows. It was all on my husbands side. I also had quite a few people calling me the week of to cancel. We were able to have some people come last minute that said they werent coming, but wanted to come so they filled some of the spots We didnt get a card or anything from three people. My husbands side again. Some people are so inconsiderate.