Not even married 3 weeks and already having Christmas issues!

So, SIL had a baby 3 months ago and it's MY year to have Chrstimas Eve, but because she has DH by the you know whats, he told her we would go there.

I would have been fine with it if I hadn't just found out that my Nana doesn't have plans. She won't come to their house and now I am

It is obvious to me that SIL just wants to continue her little spotlight thing, and, in a way, sweep my wedding right under the table.

If I have to be diplomatic and trade years, shouldn't I have at least been asked to give up my year?

When does it sink in to DH that WE are the team and our families all try to manipulate us?

Sorry that this has to be my first Newleywed post, but this happens every year. Last year I swore I waould go away for Christmas just to get away from the BS.

Is there anyway that you can talk your Nana into going?

Maybe have your SIL call her and insist on it?

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Posted by curliegirl

So, SIL had a baby 3 months ago and it's MY year to have Chrstimas Eve, but because she has DH by the you know whats, he told her we would go there.

I would have been fine with it if I hadn't just found out that my Nana doesn't have plans. She won't come to their house and now I am

It is obvious to me that SIL just wants to continue her little spotlight thing, and, in a way, sweep my wedding right under the table.

If I have to be diplomatic and trade years, shouldn't I have at least been asked to give up my year?

When does it sink in to DH that WE are the team and our families all try to manipulate us?

Sorry that this has to be my first Newleywed post, but this happens every year. Last year I swore I waould go away for Christmas just to get away from the BS.

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Do you really think her intention of having it there is just to have the spotlight on her and sweep the wedding under the table? Honestly, I can see why it might be easier not to travel with a baby. My SILs baby is the same age, and though they bring him places, it is a ton of stuff to carry around everywhere. And the baby will get the attention wherever you are--the wedding's done, but baby's are always cute. Pretty much once everyone saw our pics a month after the wedding everyone was over it, which was fine because I wanted to get on with my life.

I would either try to convince your nana to go, or go to her place (or have her to yours) for dessert after.

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Posted by nov04LIbride

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Posted by curliegirl

So, SIL had a baby 3 months ago and it's MY year to have Chrstimas Eve, but because she has DH by the you know whats, he told her we would go there.

I would have been fine with it if I hadn't just found out that my Nana doesn't have plans. She won't come to their house and now I am

It is obvious to me that SIL just wants to continue her little spotlight thing, and, in a way, sweep my wedding right under the table.

If I have to be diplomatic and trade years, shouldn't I have at least been asked to give up my year?

When does it sink in to DH that WE are the team and our families all try to manipulate us?

Sorry that this has to be my first Newleywed post, but this happens every year. Last year I swore I waould go away for Christmas just to get away from the BS.

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Do you really think her intention of having it there is just to have the spotlight on her and sweep the wedding under the table? Honestly, I can see why it might be easier not to travel with a baby. My SILs baby is the same age, and though they bring him places, it is a ton of stuff to carry around everywhere. And the baby will get the attention wherever you are--the wedding's done, but baby's are always cute. Pretty much once everyone saw our pics a month after the wedding everyone was over it, which was fine because I wanted to get on with my life.

I would either try to convince your nana to go, or go to her place (or have her to yours) for dessert after.

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I agree. Try not to look at it as if she wants the spotlight.

I feel your pain, but in the end you're just going to have to suck it up, you really don't have another option short of causing a problem with DH's family.
I do think that your SIL should have definitely spoken to you about it instead of going over your head to DH. Are you close enough to talk to her about it? If so, then mention that you were really looking forward to hosting your first holiday as a married couple and you're a little disappointed and also feel a little guilty that now your nana has no plans.

Do you really think her intention of having it there is just to have the spotlight on her and sweep the wedding under the table? Honestly, I can see why it might be easier not to travel with a baby. My SILs baby is the same age, and though they bring him places, it is a ton of stuff to carry around everywhere. And the baby will get the attention wherever you are--the wedding's done, but baby's are always cute. Pretty much once everyone saw our pics a month after the wedding everyone was over it, which was fine because I wanted to get on with my life.

I would either try to convince your nana to go, or go to her place (or have her to yours) for dessert after.

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I know it sounds cold and selfish, but to be blunt, but my whole wedding planning has been overshadowed by the impending grandchild. I am not the type to be that selfish, but give me a break.
Do you know the type of people who never let anyone have any spotlight and always milk everything to the fullest? Well, that is my SIL. Every minute, ooh, the baby is kicking, oh, my back, oh who's gonna watch the baby at the wedding? I could go on and on. Every time anyone would talk about the wedding, she would bring up the baby.

And if there is so much to lug around THIS year and he's only 3 mos old, what's there to lug next year? Every year will be a new excuse, and FMIL set the record straight last year that we all need to take turns to be fair, but now we can just change the rules without asking?

I know it sounds bad, but DH immediately took his family's side because he doesn't understand what I have been putting up with for the past year. I am not the type to say bad things about anyone's family, so I have kept it inside and vented to mom and friends, they think I am not overreacting at all......

Sorry for the vent, but I have had all I can handle with this situation.

Now I am just really upset with DH for not supporting or trying to uderstanding me, and for turning on me after he said we have to be a team. I have stated that I will not be attending any holidays or the 2 weddings we have left this year until DH learns to respect me.

All 3 weeks into our marriage



Sorry to be a party pooper

This may be some harsh advice, but its worked for me in the past. I cant guarantee it will work for you. But call him out on his bluff. If he'd like to spend it with SIL, then let him go. But you'll be staying home to entertain your nana like you had planned all along. Be it if he stays or goes, after the whole experience he'll see he needs to be with his wife above anyone else for the holidays. As for his family, let them make their own decision. Your priority is your husband only. Good luck!

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Posted by Marcie

Is there anyway that you can talk your Nana into going?

Maybe have your SIL call her and insist on it?

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She won't come and now my mom and dad are not going to go to SIL either, because they are going out to dinner with my nana and cousin.....just great.

You can't alienate his family. As much as you would like to spend the holiday with your family, if DH already told them that you would go there, you have to suck it up. I know how you feel, believe me I am not a fan of my sil. She's unstable to say the least, but she's family now and there's nothing I can do about it. You can make your life and the holidays miserable by spending them fighting or you can make the best of it and enjoy them. Talk with DH, but don't accuse him of not having respect for you. Men just don't think the way women do, they are idiots and don't know any better. They are logical thinkers, not emotional thinkers like women. I'm sure to him it just made 'sense' to go to his sister's house because of the new baby. In all honesty, I wouldn't want to travel with the baby. Not because of all the stuff, but because she is still a new mom and you want the baby in your own home, in his/her own crib. It'll just make things easier for her.

Cheer up,
Kelly

I sympathize with you. I hate when people just do what they want without even discussing possible ramifications.

I would just split the day. Go to your SIL's house for appetizers and maybe a bite of dinner and then excuse yourself. Explain in front of everyone that since you had issued invitations before the plans were switched, you have to go honor them. Make sure you add something about the fact that you wanted to see his family, and how it was tough to play with the schedules, but it was worth a little extra driving to make sure that you could celebrate with everyone for the holiday. B e very sweet, but make sure that the point is made.

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Posted by curliegirl
Now I am just really upset with DH for not supporting or trying to uderstanding me, and for turning on me after he said we have to be a team. I have stated that I will not be attending any holidays or the 2 weddings we have left this year until DH learns to respect me.

All 3 weeks into our marriage

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I really don't think ultimatums are the way to go. He's going to wind up resenting you. You're a couple, so it's time to compromise. If this is Christmas Eve, how about you do Christmas Day with your family at your house, since you would have seen his Xmas Eve? Or how about Thanksgiving with your family, Xmas Eve with his? We're doing Thanksgiving with his, XMas eve dessert party with both families at our house, xmas morning at his family, and xmas dinner with mine. It's stressful and involves tons of running all over, but it's worth it to see everyone. It is hard because my nana is 88, and in not seeing her at Thanksgiving I do think her Thanksgivings are probably limited, but you have to make sacrifices, and your family has to understand you and DH are a new family now.

If you really don't want to not see your family, you could just have him go to his family, and you go to dinner with yours and meet there for dessert after. I don't think it's a good precedent to set (doing holidays apart), but if you feel strongly this once it's an option.

It seems more the issue rather than the actual night though--this may be the straw that broke the camel's back for you, but I have a SIL who has a 3-mo. old (and is PG with a second), but babies will always get the attention. It's just life, but when you're PG it will be your babies everyone is oohing and aaahing over, and at that point you can say, 'With a baby I'm not leaving my home--whoever wants to come to me can!'

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Posted by curliegirl

I know it sounds bad, but DH immediately took his family's side because he doesn't understand what I have been putting up with for the past year. I am not the type to say bad things about anyone's family, so I have kept it inside and vented to mom and friends, they think I am not overreacting at all......

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It sounds like this is the main problem. If you haven't told him your feelings about how this SIL stole your thunder all through the wedding planning, he may not understand why this is upsetting you so much. I think it would help if you sat down with him and explained all of your pent up frustration with her and then try to make a plan together. Good luck - I know it won't be easy

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Posted by charityhope

I sympathize with you. I hate when people just do what they want without even discussing possible ramifications.

I would just split the day. Go to your SIL's house for appetizers and maybe a bite of dinner and then excuse yourself. Explain in front of everyone that since you had issued invitations before the plans were switched, you have to go honor them. Make sure you add something about the fact that you wanted to see his family, and how it was tough to play with the schedules, but it was worth a little extra driving to make sure that you could celebrate with everyone for the holiday. B e very sweet, but make sure that the point is made.

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I totally agree with this. You are now a couple and need to compromise. And also speak to your husband and let him know that from now on before any invitations are accepted from anyone, that you should both check with each other. I think this will save a lot of problems for both of you in the future.
And you should not let anyone come between you and your husband for whatever reasons they might have. Always remember...It's you and Him.....and you both need to deal with whatever it is as a couple.
Good Luck