Now I get to ask the married women...

Just to start off... I know I'm not in the situation right this moment to get pregnant since I am still looking for a full time job.

Anyway... my husband and I have been together over 9 years now. I know we were just married, but I've always wanted a baby. He knows all about this, we've discussed it over and over again. I'm not saying this minute, but after I find a FT job, I would really love to have a baby, but of course my husband feels he's not ready. I respect his opinion, but I can't seem to drop the subject. I have baby on the brain. I don't want to keep harping him, but everytime I look at him, I see a family, etc. Also, everything on TV, anyone we see while we're out has to do with a baby, or they're pregnant, etc. I can't help it! We've been together since we were 15, and now I've just turned 25, and he'll be 25 in Dec. I don't think we too young, but yeah we're still young. It just took us this long to get married, I don't want it to take much longer to get pregnant, you know??? I don't want to wait a long time, and then we start trying, and then it takes a year or two to get pregnant. I just don't know what to do. I'm very happy about us being married now, but I can't help how I feel. Being together for so long, and at such a young age, I am just so ready. I thought I'd ask you guys, since you're all married, and some of you have kids. I just can't expect for one day for him to say, let's make a baby! I don't know... What do you guys think? Obviously, I have to wait for him... but it's so hard! Thanks!

Melissa, it sounds to me like you need to slow down. You are still in a whirlwind from the wedding. Take a deep breath and think about your situation - and be honest with yourself. A lot of women get caught up in the 'baby' syndrome and most don't realize until after the baby is born that they weren't ready.

Did you watch Tuesday's Oprah? I recommend that you do. It was a very realistic account of how difficult (and sometimes heartbreaking and maddening) becoming a Mom can be. Granted, the happiness and rewards most often out-weigh the bad stuff, but you and your hubby will need to weather the bad stuff to survive in a young marriage with a newborn.

I can speak from experience b/c I became pregnant two months after our wedding. We are older than you, and I was already working full time for many years, so I am going to assume that we are a bit more financially secure than you might be right now. Believe me, that will make a difference too. Don't put so much pressure on yourself.
Being a Mom is a 24 hour a day/7 days a week job, and you do not get any vacation time.

I am not trying to discourage you, I'm just trying to make you think realisticly about this issue. When you think of your first year of marriage, do you picture it preparing for the arrival of a child? Or, do you want to celebrate one wedding anniversary alone with your hubby before children come along. Do you want to enjoy your freedom this year, now that wedding planning is over, and go on vacations, etc? None of that is as easy once a baby comes along. Do you own your home yet? Would you like to be settled somewhere before children come? These are ALL important things to consider.

I am just giving you food for thought. Perhaps you can take some of these things back to your hubby and discuss them with him as well. This is his decision too, and I would be sure that you are both on the same 'page' with the issue of when to start your family. It is a recipe for disaster if you 'mistakenly' become pregnant - especially if your hubby has already told you that he's not ready. Have patience - it's better for you as individuals, and for your marriage.

If it ends up taking a number of years to become pregnant, I don't think there is much you can do about that. No woman can ever be exactly sure what her fertility chances are. I am not saying wait ten years, but I think it's most important that you and your hubby agree, or at least compromise on the timing.
Best of luck to you!

I echo many of Claudine's thoughts. I am getting married 11/2 and am 32 years old. Scott will be 35 in January. While we both want children and waiting is not easy I think I need some time to 'be married' and enjoy that for a bit. I totally understand your desiree to start a family because I feel the same way. But to address some of your huband's concerns:
I know you said that you need to wait until you find a full-time job Melissa. Well make sure you knock about $600-$1000 (after taxes) off your monthly paycheck. That is how much a good daycare will cost you. Not sure if you realize this but working full-time AND having a baby is NOT super easy. You know how busy you were planning the wedding- that is nothing compared to raising a family while working full-time. Also, NOW is the time for you and your husband to contribute to your retirement funds at work. It is very important to do this when you are young. It will be more difficult to save, buy a home, even take a nice vacation once a baby is part of your life. Juggling a baby, work, husband and your own personal intersts is one of the hardest things in the world to do. You might want to get your job, settle into that new routine, save a bit of money and THEN have your family. The stress of money problems on top of a baby, on top of a new marriage on top of a new job is a lot to deal with Melissa.
Also, if I am not mistaken you live away from your family. That will make having a baby a bit harder also, unless you have a good support system where you currently live.
These are just some things to consider.

I am also 25 and have been with my FH for a while. You are still very young and have years ahead of you to have a family. It sounds as if your FH is not emotionally ready and you need to respect that no matter how eager you feel.

But more importantly, I remember all the financial difficulities you had during the wedding planning. A baby is a lifelong financial responsibility which should not be undertaken until you are completely ready to accept it. Finding a full time job is not going to solve that problem - you will need to save and prepare for many years before that can happen.

And some encouragement for everyone who's worrying about a ticking clock...

Last week my doctor was telling me about a patient of hers who was 44 or 45 and just married for the second time. Her new husband had no children, and wanted a child. They decided to give God and nature a chance and without any medical assistance she was pregnant in two months. So even though we all hear the stories about how difficult it can be, there are also the unexpected 'caboose' children that come late in life, and many women can and do conceive later. While it's best not to wait too long, it doesn't mean it definately won't happen later in life.

Everyone's situation is different. I'm 30 and don't see kids in our future any time soon. I am totally absorbed in my work, a full time and a part time job, plus, I just can't see how it could work financially. Honestly, I don't know how people do it .. but then again, I'm always worrying about money, and future financial planning. But, the bottom line is that I don't want to have children unless we are completely 100% sure it is absolutely what we both want, and that we can truly provide a good upbringing for them. Kids are not just a passing thing .. they are a major life altering, lifelong committment. Use this time to set a foundation for your family, get things organized (like finances, health/life insurance, etc.) while your husband settles in and takes some time to get used to the idea of having children. This is a huge step.