For Newlyweds Only - QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

shamma Posted: Jan 21, 2003 10:32 AM

QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

The book Watermelon, has struck a nerve with me, and I wanted to hear what you ladies thoughts were on this topic of self image and the way America has, for women in particular jumping through hoops to fit in to a certain mold.

I know as an AA woman in our culture being more curvy is how most of us tend to look, and we tend to be happy with our selves, and our men always say they tend to want a woman with a little meat on her bones. I cannot ever remember a time I ever felt the need to be waif thin. I was the opposite as a matter of fact, asking for more hips and butt. At the weight I am now, I am very happy and I am not looking to gain or lose. Even tho' by American standards I am overweight. I am very comfortable with how I look and how I feel.

Hit the enter button too quickly

Sonicstef Posted: Jan 21, 2003 10:42 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

Good question...

Most days I feel pretty good about myself despite being very far from having the ideal body but like most I have my days of feeling like a big cow! That being said, if I could wave a magic wand and be a size 4 instead of a 14 - then i would do it an instant!

However, I know I could never be a size 4 and also be a happy person because depriving myself of food and excercising like a maniac would make me the b1tchest person on the planet - so I deal with the body I've got.

PS: I dont blame the media for making ultra skinny women the trend - I blame American women for being those fashion magazines, going to see the movies, adoring the stars, etc... The media cant do anything without the masses behind them and we are all guilty of buying into it.

Teri Posted: Jan 21, 2003 10:47 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

uh oh - there's already another QOTD posted! I'll answer this too though

This topic can be hashed out for weeks it's so important. In a nutshell, I think that our society as instilled these thoughts in our minds that we must be a certain look. If we're not that look, we're out. This image is reinforced everywhere - in magazines, movies, Hollywood, etc. If women look to these sources as the end-all answer, it's easy for their self-esteem and image to plummet. It's happened to me, and just about each of my friends at a certain point in their life.

Now that I'm older I just choose not to look to these things that seriously. But then you think about all of the young women growing up in this era, and you wonder why there are so many eating/psychological disorders now

dgtlsunshine Posted: Jan 21, 2003 10:47 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

Being someone that used to have nicknames like Olive, bones and invisible I must say thin is really not in. Maybe I just didn't wear it well.

The weight I am now I feel much better and I am so glad that I have a butt. I have a harder time finding clothers now and I am far from overweight. That I think can really depress me at times. It hard to go into a common place like the GAP and can't find jeans that fit nicely.

Teri Posted: Jan 21, 2003 10:49 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

Stef - I agree with your comment about not blaming the media. I think it stems from them with movies, mags, etc, but we're buying into it and supporting them. Even now, I don't get why so many people LOVE to watch those award shows. I, for the most part, don't care about who wore what, who was with who. We seem to put Hollywood on some type of pedestal, and I can't figure out why. They're humans, just like the rest of us.

dgtlsunshine Posted: Jan 21, 2003 10:51 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

Yes I do agree the media puts it in our minds but I think fashion and designers force it on us. I am 5'9' and weigh 160 there is no reason I should have a hard time finding clothes.

ddunne23 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 10:54 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

In my ideal world I would love to be thinner I think just because that is what you see everywhere! I don't want it enough to make myself get up at 6am and go to the gym and eat rice cakes all day though! In my eyes I could drop some weight (I would love to go down one size to a 6), but then I think, I have never been that ultra skinny person, and it doesn't happen naturally for me, so why deprive myself just to look like the girls on the front of Cosmo! It doesn't help living in Dallas where everyone is perfect, and I feel fat everyday because all of my close friends wear a size 2 or 4 and never a hair is out of place! But overall I am happy with the way I am, I think it is my surroundings that make me think otherwise at times.

NIHA Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:05 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

For me, my self-image has more to do with my height (5 feet) than with my weight. Aside from the women in mags and movies being thinner than the average American women, they seem to be taller too.

But, I live in the real world, and no one in my world is perfect. I've learned to focus on FEELING good, which has more influence on how I look than my hair, makeup, and weight. Personally I think attitude, confidence, attitude towards life, and how we treat others can really affect self image and how others see us.

I think all young girls face these issues, but hopefully as they mature they learn what's real and important in life.

NovemberSue Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:17 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

I think beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. I never follow what the charts say I should weigh for my height and age.If I went by the chart,I would be very heavy.
I don't like how the magazines and the media expect people to be extremely skinny.I think that is totally wrong.
I think people should be who they are,whether its a size 4 or a size 16.

alina Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:19 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

I think not only is it the media that forces us to some degree fit into a certain mold, but also other consumer good manufacturers. Agreeing with dgltsunshine's point about having trouble having clothing that fits is so true.

I am currently at my normal weight for my height, and I still have trouble finding clothing that fits or flatters. Seems that my butt is always too big.

In addition, I have noticed that finding elegant and comfortable shoes is also next to impossible.

And then we are asking ourselves why women starve to look a certain way?

Claud2001 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:40 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

This is a tough question. I think that like Stef said, we all have our days where we want to be thinner than we are. I have even more of these days ever since the baby was born!

I also agree w/Stef that we are buying into what the media portrays, but contrary to what Stef said, it's not just us that are causing this trend. Clothing manufacturers do play a huge role - it is absolutely the truth that if you have curves, you cannot fit into certain labels like The Gap, Old Navy, Banana Republic, Ann Taylor - all of these stores are geared toward the waif thin woman. It's so frustrating!

All this aside, I think that I have a pretty good self image. But I tend to take my weight too seriously at times, and sometimes I allow that to effect my self-image. If I am at least working out, than I feel a lot better about myself. I also have the reality check of my husband and son, who both love me unconditionally and that does wonders for my self-image!

shamma Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:44 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

I think self love and acceptance has to be #1, b/c I have seen people who have had the surgery to make them slimmer and they were still insecure and not happy. I do not think being thin, makes one happy or have more self esteem. I think beauty comes from within, but I guess in America, I am in the minority. I guess you cannot sell inner beauty

Sonicstef Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:44 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

I dont really have trouble finding clothes that fit me at any of the stores Claud mentioned and you all know that Im not a waif. I think the frustrating thing is that those clothes have those double digit sizes tagged on them when I would prefer them to be a single digit.

The majority of retailers sell clothing in sizes that fit MOST people or they would be out of business. There are lots of stores that I couldnt fit one leg into their largest size (Forever 21, Contempo, etc..) but they market to a younger and thus smaller a$$ed crowd :D

Its the true designer clothing that I look at and think 'who could possibly look good in this sliver of fabric no matter what their weight?'

natasha Posted: Jan 21, 2003 11:44 AM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

Like Dgtlsunshine, I grew up with people calling me bones and all manner of things.

In last few years, I have filled out quite a bit. I have a lot of hips, and J LO has nothing on me in the butt department. Even though I love my figure, I would love to lose some weight. I know I will never go back to the day of wearing size 0 or 2 with ease, and I don't want to go there. I will never be fashion model size, and I am okay with that. I think as women we need to be a size that we are confortable with, and is good for our body.

I feel many of you when you say that you can't find jeans to fit. I have not bought jeans in over a year because I am not getting a good fit. If I am lucky to get one that fits my hips and butt, the waist is soooo big. I think we need a change, designers need to meet the needs of the average women.

Claud2001 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 12:07 PM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

Well, Stef...you are lucky then! I cannot shop in those stores now and my size is not that much different than yours. Although, you are a lot taller than me, AND since the baby, my proportions have 'shifted' LOL!

But, even when I was a size 6-8, my hips were still too curvy for Old Navy, Ann Taylor and Banana...I definitely think that those stores cater to a younger consumer too (early-mid 20's).

dkga1026 Posted: Jan 21, 2003 12:16 PM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

i have my 'fat' days too, but i know that if i do weigh a few more pounds than i'd like to, it's because i eat healthy meals that i enjoy and that are doing me more good than harm....nothing wrong with that!

all i will say is that watching the golden globes the other night, i was DISGUSTED by how thin some of the women were - their dresses were literally draping on them....this isn't sexy, it is a sickness...and these are not women who are naturally thin, because this is not what they looked like when they first came into hollywood...whatever happened to eating right and looking healthy?

shamma Posted: Jan 21, 2003 12:21 PM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

Demetra, it does not sell.

Claud we need to band together and design our own clothes.

alina Posted: Jan 21, 2003 12:24 PM

Re: QOTD 1/21/2003 SELF IMAGE AND WOMEN IN AMERICA

Stef, I think what I was referring to as far as clothing not fitting is not related to size but rather to proportions... quite often the size is good either in the waist or in the butt, but not both...
I almost find that clothes are made for 'washboard' women, without the curves.

As for the whole sizing dilimna of being in single digits, its often pretty hard to find adult clothing that is not too big (the smallest size that many dept. stores carry is often a 4). Ann Taylor/Gap and Tristan are just about the only stores where I don't need to worry about fit. The rest are quite hit or miss.

Edited to say that sometimes I wish a few extra inchees in the height dept.