QOTD: Are you really supposed to support all decisons?

HI.

I pose this question because my FH is testing the concept of being supportive.

He HATES his job. He is getting bored and restless. His new boss is a BEYATCH. They are always butting heads. He has complained about her to HR, but nothing. I do agree that she makes it a challenge to come to work every day and be productive. He is slacking off at work, he never really speaks to his boss, he gives off a cold demeanor and she notices. He does not interact with the department. When he received his review it was atrocious- it highlighted all of these things. he is on probation

The thing is he does not care anymore. He thinks I do not understand because I have a 'cool job', but what I do know is that he has been working at this place for 7 years and if he gets fired - what a waste it would be.

I tell him that he has to put his best foot forward until something else comes along.

He is so cold to his boss- his answer- this approach works for me.

Would YOU support this behavior?

I think you can share your opinion that you feel his actions are not the best idea for his career but be supportive of him at the same time.

For example, Luke knows that I dont like my job (nothing personal about the people or the company, im just bored with it all). He thinks that I should try to get more motivated to move up the ladder while I just dont have the desire to do it anymore at this point. I know he disagrees with my approach but i also know that if I quit my job tomorrow he would be the first person to tell me its going to be okay and we will get thru it and I will find another job I like better.

Being supportive doesnt mean you have to agree with him, it just means you will be there for him if he needs you.

At least, thats my take on it.

That would be very hard for me b/c I am all about taking control of your own destiny. I do not think I would be able to support my DH just slacking off at the job to the point he gets a bad review.

I would tell him to make change. Either go somewhere else in the company or look for another job.

To just sit on it would irritate me though.

This is coming from a person with zero patience.

Thanks Neva. I feel the same way.

He wants to get into Sports Marketing. He is taking classes towards that now. I have given him a couple of contacts to persue, unfortunately nothing is coming out of it because he has no experience.

This is adding to his frustration.

I just think his approach is not the best.

Well I will tell you do offer your support and advise but do not nag him. (Oh how my husband would love to see that I wrote that )

John did this to me once- he hated the job. He hadn't worked there for 7 years but he still hated it. He had just come off from being unemployed for 7 months and we really needed him to make it work. Well he did the whole attitude thing- I knew it was coming. I told him he had to act like an adult and bite the bullet- the job market is horrible and he can't be throwing away an opportunity because of his 'baby behavior'.

Well he continued and he got fired. He learned a very valuable lesson- it took him 5 months to find another job and had to work at Pathmark in the meantime as a meatpacker to make ends meet.

I guarantee you he won't make that mistake again...

Part of being an adult is handling responsibilities, even if you don't like them... You cannot support this behavior.

However, if he wants to get into sports marketing he will probably need to take a pay cut and work for a team in a really 'pay nothing' position to get in and work up the ranks. If he can't eat dirt now, will he be able to eat it then?

Was he upset that he didn't get the new boss's position or something? Sometimes that really effects a person's attitude.
Here is my take: He is a grown adult. He has bills to pay and needs medical insurance. so he has to think of the future- can he really afford (not just $$ either) to get fired. How will he explain that to new job prospects? So he can trash his career or he can make nice and look for something new in the meantime.
You do not have to support his attitude, but you need to support the fact that this job is making him so unhappy. Maybe you can try to get him a book on management or dealing with bosses that are difficult. Or maybe you can tell him that you want him to be happy and that you will help him find a new job, but you just do not want him to throw away his whole career because he doesn't like his new boss. And in this job market, he could be out of work for a while if fired.

yes...you should support him in the search of a new job...but no he shouldn't slack off...he doesn't want to burn any bridges...

as much as I hated the job that I just quit...I left on very good terms...so I know if I need a recommendation...I will get it

My FH is what you would call a 'job-hopper'. The job he is at now he really likes, except for the $$ so he continues to send out resumes. Nothing is ever good enough for him.

The funny thing is, I have never met someone who is able to get a job offer from about 98% of all interviews he goes on! (he's very charming). I finally told him, Look I think it is great that you get these offers, but you have to look at long term here. What happens when we want to buy a house and they look at our employment history? You have to establish stability.

My point is, I think he was still thinking independently, not as an engaged man who will someday be responsible for a family! No, I don't think I would take that for an answer, marriage is a partnership and he has to think realistically, IMO.

I don't think you should support someone in being non-motivated and doing something you feel strongly that is wrong - even if it is your husband. I do think you should support him in helping him get out of the situation he is in a positive way and I now it may be hard for him to do and know what to do and maybe he may not even realize it. he may not be thinking clearly.

I am a huge believer in whatever you do at your job you should try to be the best and strive to do your best (no matter how hard it is and believe me I know how hard it is to go to working hating the people you work with). I think not doing your best is a poor reflection of yourself. In the work / business world - it is also not best to burn bridges.

I would explain to him why he needs a job (of course if he does) and tell him to get the most of what he can while he is there. In the meantime he should actively persue another job and support him in that.

Above someone said create your own destiny - I think you should try to teach him that! It is very true.

I love the Newlyweds- such great advide!!!

Michele, he is frustrated that he has not gotten promoted and he thinks he could do his boss' job.

To the other ladies: I always try to keep my eye open for any new job prospects. I work in advertising so I am always networking. As I said I have given him a few leads but they have not panned out. Whenever I am meeting with a salesperson and they ask me about FH, I am always saying how he is looking to break into Sports.

Also, I give him advice on how to deal with his both, but he is such STUBBORN man that it does not work.

Believe me , we CANNOT afford for him to be uneployed.