Question about Cheaters/Cheating

I wanted some female opinions on this, and therefore you're all getting to read this.

I have an acquaintance who I know from my old days in a fan club who is 21 - we'll call her S. In my opinion, she's somewhat immature about a lot of things, such as the fact that instead of talking to her family about the problems she has with them, she's run off to live with two other fans' family (the two girls are twins), and the family thinks her Dad and brothers are horrid people, while extended family pleads with her to talk to them. Well, and this.

Her Boyfriend. Her FIRST boyfriend (at the age of 21). She's dating a guy in his 40s. Who is her boss. At WalMart. Who was married when they first met, and technically still is. They started seeing each other while he was still with his wife, and she felt terribly guilty about it. Then his wife left him (not legally yet, however), which of course is S's go-ahead to start dating this guy. She once believed that you should save yourself, but she's already jumped into bed with this sick-o cheater. Now his wife has found out about it, and all S can say is 'Well you left him, tough noogies. I love him, so let me have this.' Uhhhhhhhhh, that worked very well in High School. Maybe even in college (which S has yet to finish).

All of this is very troubling for me to hear, A; because she's technically a party to cheating, even though she's justified it in her own head, and B; because this guy is a total creep and I cannot possibly see this ending well for her.

Part of me wants to say something, but all of her little idiot friends are cheering her on!!! Not ONE of them has said 'Uhhh, He Is A CHEATER, and he is way too old for you. After all, what does a 40 year old man want with a 21 year old virgin, uhh, oh wait...'. They're all just referring to this man's poor wife as a *****, because that's the easy thing to do. Blech. I just feel like she won't listen if I say anything anyway.

What a mess!

She sounds really immature for a 21 year old. And her 'friends' do too. Who leaves home at 21 (or runs away at that age?!) to live with virtual strangers?

I don't think anything you say will matter because I have found that people will only take advice they want to hear. Most times, when you give advice and it's truly needed, they tune you out. You can't reason with stupidity and this girl sounds beyond stupid.

Tell her to watch American Beauty...or any of the Amy Fisher movies, to find out what a 40 year old would want with a virgin her age.

YUCK!

AMY FISHER!!! OMG!!!!

I hadn't even thought about that. She's from PA, so of course the Long Island Lolita is outside her sphere of reference. I seriously need to send her a Wiki article on Amy or something....

In all seriousness, it's good to know that I'm not crazy. Even if nothing I say will matter (which I knew, I just wanted to confirm).

what an awful situation.

but unfortunately, some people need to make their own mistakes. it's the only way they learn.

I have a friend I love very much who has been sleeping with (and lost her virginity to!) a married man who is a slimeball - this has been happening on and off for 4 years. She is intelligent, beautiful, and a wonderful person. I have completely given up talking to her about it - she can't hear it. I'll admit it has put a riff in our relationship - she is afraid to being him up around me, and I am so dissapointed when he comes up. The bottom line is that she has major self esteem issues (I believe from abuse she suffered as a child) and cannot see that she deserves so much better. Until she gets help for herelf, there is nothing I can say or do to change her mind.

Your friend sounds 'immature' but I think its important to give every human the benefit of the doubt when it comes to matters of sex and relationships - some people have had a difficult, traumatizing, and sad upbringing, even if it does not appear that way on the surface, and it manifests itself in interesting ways.

It's not your job to change her mind, no matter how strongly you feel on the subject. If you truly care about her as a person, all you can do is tell her how you feel about it, and decide whether or not you want to be a friend through this. If you are just disgusted by her behavior (something I can TOTALLY relate to) and don't really care what happens in the end (you did mention she is an 'old aquaintance.') I would walk away from the friendship. (and perhaps STRONGLY suggest therapy for her on the way out!)

Good Luck!

I think that you are totally right--this is not a healthy situation and this girl will look back and regret losing her virginity to a cheater, especially after she said she wanted to save it.

I don't think that you talking to her will change her mind at all. If it does, it will not be right away. But, you certainly should not fake being happy about this. She should at least know that one friend does not think this is cool.

I sure hope she does not get pregnant with this guy!

You can tell her that this guy may be bad news, but chances are she is not listening to you.

Let her live her own life. You are happily married and that should be your only concern.
Let her fall on her as$, that is the only way she'll see the bigger picture.

She is not going to listen to you right now.

Good luck!!!

Thanks, girls, for all your thoughts and opinions! It's good (well, sort of good) to at least confirm that she's not going to listen to me.