Are they being mindful of the fact that you are now married and need privacy? Do they maintain respectful boundaries?- Calling before coming over,not expecting to see you all the time etc etc.
Just want to know if this is happening to you and if so how do you handle it? I want to know this in case it happens to me.
Thanks.
LisaT
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
its not a problem for us since all parents are in NY and we're in CA...
dubliner
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
nvrbrd
I also need advice on this - thanks for posting
teresa518
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
My parents were more difficult on this subject than his. But....they always call before they come over and do not invite themselves all the time.
We are expected to visit every week or two which can get overwhelming.
His family - we rarely see them and that seems to suit them and us just fine most of the time.
Niecey
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
Our families are ok with this one. But my family lives at least 20 minutes away and his about an hour! So it makes it easier.
My family is very respectful of our privacy and have always been that way so things haven't changed there.
His family has learn to accept that we don't visit all the time and don't see each other every weekend or every other weekend like they would like...I think living further away helped that. I am sure they are not 100% happy with it but do respect it. His mom is in all in our business and opinionated with some stuff that's just he way she is but since the wedding is over things have been much better. I think I am learning to deal better with it (so different than my family) and I think she has calmed a bit.
The one thing that worries me is they never call me or him. I think they only call him at work...not sure how I should take that!
michele31
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
Well my in-laws all live in MA, so there is NO problem with drop-ins. My family has never been a problem, even though they live 10 minutes away. Actually I am more of a 'hi, I'm here' daughter. They always call before just showing up.
Are you worried about this?
NovemberSue
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
Both of our families always call before they stop by. They never just pop over without us knowing. We don't have any problems with this at all.
ddunne23
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
No issue here...we live in TX, mine in NY, his in IN. But we are trying to move to NY or Boston and when we do I know my family will respect our space. I have always been very independant and my family knows I need my space. So I don't foresee an issue with my family. DH's family on the other hand is very extremely over-close and over involved in each others lives. They all live close except for us and we don't have any intentions of living in Indiana so I think we are safe.
JennRenee
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
Niecey, I think we married into the same family! Both families are respectful of personal space, but his family (mostly his mom) gets upset if they don't see him at least every other week. We live about 30 minutes away and he has a very busy schedule. I feel so guilty that Iprefer him to spend what little free time he has with me, and not his mom, but I see him SO infrequently that I'm selfish with his time.
nrvbrd
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
Michele, I am somewhat concerned about it. I really am fond of his family, but they can be somewhat overbearing. I have spoken to FH about how things WILL change after marriage. I believe in nipping things in the bud before they become an issue.
dgtlsunshine
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
Hey sweetie,
We are a couple hours away from them so they have no choice.
michele31
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
Don't live in the same town as them. That will help. Don't give out the key to everyone- that will also help.
Claud2001
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
We live with my parents right now, and we really can't complain about anything. My parents have been great about giving us space, and we try to keep to ourselves, so as to not interfere with their space either.
However, even after we move I highly doubt we'd ever have a problem w/them just dropping over. We're not going to live that close, and I'd doubt they would drive 40 minutes to 'drop in.' What if we weren't home?
My little brother is a whole other story...I bet we'll be seeing him 'drop by' alot! Especially around dinner time! LOL!
My in-laws are in FL, so that's not an issue. But, even if they were on LI, they would NEVER just 'stop by.' Heck, even when they fly into town, they ALWAYS call first to ask when they should arrive.
alina
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
I am not married yet, but I agree with michelle that living in different towns helps.
Both mine and FH parents live about one and a half hrs away from us, so for them coming over is a whole ordeal (plus they need to worry about finding parallel parking space in brooklyn). Both sets of parents kind of avoid coming over, but love it when we make the monthly trips...
shamma
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
We do not have that problem at all. His Parents live in Florida and my parents live in NJ. My parents would never come over w/o calling. I do not know about his parents. Before we were married it seemed as if hubby's friends would call any time, of the morning or night. I had to nip that in the bud right away. I think whoever the offending party is, should respect the relationship enough to tell others what is acceptable in their home.
shamma
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
Mom, tries to run the guilt trip thing on me, but I made her know that the visiting works both ways. Surprise, surprise guess who took public transportation to spend the day with me on Saturday...my mom
chmpgnrose
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
It's okay so far for us. We live in Forest Hills, Queens and my parents are in Ozone Park, Queens. However, DH's parents are in East Meadow, Nassau county. However, both parents expect housewarming parties and/or dinners for us to host, cook, and serve. We're not ready for it yet as we do want to have dinner parties but not financially ready for it. Both parents do call to check in on us, but they do just drop by unannounced. We live in a co-op building and have a 24/7 doorman/conceige so all visitors must be announced and checked-in. We have the right to allow any unwanted visitors to shu away.
Shamee
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
During the 1st year of marriage, we lived at my parents while we worked on rebuilding the house, so his family couldn't do the pop on over bit.
Boundaries starting getting crossed when the house was 'liveable' and mommy dearest starting inviting herself over for 'sleepovers' on several occasions (she would claim that she was too tired to drive home from babysitting DH's brother's kids - why not stay at their house?!?). During this time, his family was pulling weekly stunts of inviting him to 'family' dinners where I was excluded. They would also show up at our home when I wasn't present and snoop through my things (I found this out at a extended family members wedding shower when MIL questioned me on something packed in a box in one of my back closets?!?).
Things completely escalated and finally I put my foot down.
I'm not making excuses because hubby should have known better than to let them act the way they did, but it was up to me to finally put the old hag in her place and let her know that this was MY house and MY husband and I wouldn't tolerate anyone crossing personal boundaries. Now they don't even come over!
Scoop
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Re: Respect for personal space after the wedding???
Not a problem for us. His family lives in PA and my family (only 5 blocks away) are not intrusive at all.
Diane
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I cant stand that we live so close his family. I understand that Jay and his father have their own business, and need to talk on a daily basis, but is gets QUITE ANNOYING Sometimes its 3-4 times a day. I get on his case for it. I just wish I lived closer to my parents
