My MIL has our proofs and has been sorting through them to choose for her album. Now, as you know, there are a million proofs. She has choosen the ones she wants for her album and has staked claim to a ton of proofs that she wants to keep for herself. I don't mind her taking some, but it is over half of the proofs that she wants to keep and frame. Many are great pics of me and my DH, family and friends.I didn't know what to tell her but just to put them aside and after we go to the photographer to put together our album, we'd go through the ones she wants. I really want to keep every proof for ourselves and figured that I'd have copies made of the ones she wants for herself. The problem is that it will cost me a small fortune to do this. I'm trying not to be selfish about all this, but there are great pics that I would like to frame and display around the house. With each pic that she showed me that she wanted, she would say 'I know this is of you and DH, but you're not going to want it so I'll just take it.' I felt like screaming! I havent vented to my DH yet. I need some feedback first.
What do you think? What did you do with your proofs? Am I being selfish for feeling this way?
Thanks!
Kelly
Teri
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Re: selfish..... ME?
Wow - half the proofs? I'd be ****ed too! My DH's family made mention that they wanted copies of all the pics during the wedding, but I'm only planning to send blow ups to immediate family. Otherwise it will cost us a small fortune as well!
Maybe you can nicely mention that you'd like to keep most of your proofs, and that since you have to pay extra for blow ups, you can give her a few, but any more she'd have to pay for. This can be said very diplomatically though!
Sonicstef
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Re: selfish..... ME?
I am not giving away a solitary proof! If somone wants want they are just going to have to pay for print from the photographer!
For Christmas we are giving a few select people a 5x7 of a key shot but I am not giving any of my 1500+ away. What if I want to look at all of them again in 10 years - what may not seem important today, may be important then!
Niecey
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Re: selfish..... ME?
I do not think you are being selfish unless the MIL paid for the photographer and if that is the case you may have to compromise.
I am not giving any away until my planning meeting for my album. Then at that time the only ones I will give away are those that I have multiples of the same shot. Even then I will do so sparingly. I love my pictures and paid a lot of money and do not want to part with them.
If someone wants copies they can have them made themselves. I do get the negatives not sure about copyright laws but I guess the could scan them and order them online as well!
I actually put all my pictures in an album because I was afraid of certain people stealing them! In an album, I could see if one disappeared! How horrible is that.
By the way, my MIL had already made requests about her album, pictures for people, etc...now we are giving her a parents album, a 8x10, and I made her an album with copies of pictures that I rec'd from table cameras and from friends .. I have tried to ignore her and when I do say something she gives me a look ands says she can always pay for them herself. I am like right you are!
stacedz
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Re: selfish..... ME?
No you aren't being selfish. My MIL wanted a few and I told her she could buy them or I would scan them in for her (obviously not being as clear as the original) and she said that was OK. Honestly, I think that is pretty ballsy of your MIL to take them, they are YOUR pictures and memories, you have to tell her that or she will continue to walk all over you!
Claud2001
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Re: selfish..... ME?
DO NOT give away any of your proofs!! Your MIL is being selfish, not you!
Scan the proofs that she wants and let her order prints from Shutterfly.com or Ofoto.com.
Good luck!
dgtlsunshine
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Re: selfish..... ME?
Yeah I am with the other girls on this one. You are not being selfish. I would only say give her the proofs if she paid for photographer for the wedding.
shamma
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Re: selfish..... ME?
We gave away a couple to BP and parents. We gave away 15 or so. We gave away a pix of each person in the BP the bride and the groom, we gave the parents duplicate family shots but that was it. Anyone that wants anything outside of that will have to wait until we get the negatives and re-print them for themself. You have all right to be selfish, they are yours, you get 1st dibs all others get what you want to give.
vamdep
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Re: selfish..... ME?
I agree with everyone - do not give away ANY proofs. Tell her you need them all back so you can make reprints for Christmas gifts.
Also, I think your husband needs to deal with HER on this one.
Good luck!! PS I am inviting everyone to our apt. to pick for their albums - not letting anyone take my proofs!
kelly4
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Re: selfish..... ME?
Thanks ladies! I will not give them up. If she wants them bad enough, she'll just have to make copies.
Meg9-20-02
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Re: selfish..... ME?
I had the same problem with my MIL. She wanted to take a bunch of proofs for my DH's grandmother who lives in Italy. Umm - no. When I get the negatives (after the album is completed), I will send her a few prints. Do you get the negatives with your package?
natasha
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Re: selfish..... ME?
Do not give away your proofs unless they are multiples. Those are your memories, especially when you can't afford to put everything in the album.
Scoop
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Re: selfish..... ME?
Is your photographer giving you the negatives? Ours is and I'm planning on making copies for parents (in addition to the professional album of course) from genovese or a local print shop. It is so much cheaper than having your photographer to it.
michele31
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Re: selfish..... ME?
First, take ALL of your proofs back and tell her that you need to bring them ALL to the photographer when you make your album. Then NEVER give them to her again. Explain to her that you plan on keeping your proofs but she can easily get copies from the photographer, or if you want to scan them all for her, shutterfly type site. She is being very selfish. You paid a lot for these photos and they belong to you.
NovemberSue
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Re: selfish..... ME?
I agree with what Michele said. Those proofs are yours and its not right for her to want them. Just take them back and say you need them for the photographer and never give them back. If she wants copies, she can pay for them.
dkga1026
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Re: selfish..... ME?
you can give her a blown up shot of the family, etc...but do not give out your negatives unless they are one of multiple shots....this is your day and your memories before they are anyone else's!
