Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

cjb88 Posted: May 14, 2006 11:17 AM

Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

OK girls... it is thank you time and we have had a few stiffers...

would you:

send a thank you card saying thank you for sharing in our special day and leave it like that (hopefully maybe they will get the hint that they forgot to give us a gift and this will motivate them)

or just send nothing...

Mrs. dleeny Posted: May 14, 2006 11:27 AM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

I sent thank you cards to those who 'stiffed' us. I thanked them for sharing in our day.... to all with the exception of my sister and MOH. she kept telling my mom that she's going to mail us a check, so I held off. now it's 6+ months later and still no gift, still no card for her either.

ETA: I thought about sending my sis a TY card, but now it's a bit late IMO. she knows I sent the TY cards out in December.

palebride Posted: May 14, 2006 11:54 AM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

I've said this many times.....I see the thank you card as a 'thank you for sharing in our day' rather than a 'thank you for giving us a present'.

i had a few people who couldn't afford a gift, but they were there to share my special day with me. and now they're in my pictures and video and i think that's worth more than a present.

so, yes, i'd send a thank you card to everyone that was there

jeanla4c Posted: May 14, 2006 12:59 PM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

Just was talking about this with DH....we are STILL getting presents so I have been waiting...right now it's four people who attended w/o gifts...honestly I feel funny writing them thank yous now (the thank yous went out 7 months ago!) and since we are still getting things I guess I am going to wait!

waterspout4 Posted: May 14, 2006 01:55 PM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

We didn't send thank yous to stiffers. Oddly enough, it was just our 2 sisters.

thiadora Posted: May 14, 2006 10:45 PM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

All and all we were very lucky. We only had two people/families stiff us out of everyone. I did not send them thank yous. I did not want to waiste the postage or my time. Here is why--

My FIL comes from a large family (8 siblings). His oldest brother has been VERY successful and has made a lot of money. He lives in CA. He paid for his two sons. their families and his daughter to come to our wedding.

His sons are grown men in the late 30s/early 40s with wives and childrens- all of whom were welcomed at our reception. They (the 2 sons) gave us NOTHING. I think that they thought that their daddy gave us a present on their behalf. (He bought both of their houses and pays the taxes on one of the houses.) (He did give the daugher's gift- but she is 20 and single and living at home.)

The money means nothing to me. It's just pathetic to me that at that age you would actually think that your father would take care of the wedding gift.

However, if someone is young and lacking the maturity to realize that even if you have no money you should give a card, I would still send something. Or if they have financial restrictions. But sometimes there are people you just can't be bothered wtih. Use your best judgment.

cjb88 Posted: May 14, 2006 11:16 PM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

it is actually a coworker!

and another friend who came from far away to come to the wedding... but not even a card!

BKtoLI Posted: May 15, 2006 12:54 AM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

I know EXACTLY how you feel.

Right now I have 2 people who stiffed us. One was my MOH (although now I'm finding out the reasons why she stiffed us, but I'm still pissed we didn't at least get a card) and the other is a friend of mine who told me he left the check on his dresser. I emailed him my address since he asked for it.

I'm still waiting to see his check show up.

When they get their thank you cards, all it will say is 'Thank you for sharing our day with us'. That's it, nothing more. And I am being generous by even writing that.

This is of course if no gifts turn up by the end of the month!!!

leighdvm Posted: May 15, 2006 09:38 AM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

I only had one stiffer and no, I did not send her a card. She is Anthony's co-worker and if she couldn't be bothered with spending 99 cents for just a card, I can't be bothered writing her a thank-you. Everyone has their own opinions on this, but I stand firm in mine.

Kerrycec Posted: May 15, 2006 09:49 AM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

we had only two stiffers, very lucky and yes we sent a thank you. I wrote Thanks for sharing our Special Day. Wasn't too upset about it

JanuaryBride06 Posted: May 15, 2006 09:53 AM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

Certain stiffers will get a thank you - one of the GMs is broke, paid for his tux, airfare(from LA) and hotel room. So we were happy that he came.

A former co-worker (who quit while covering for me and left before I returned) who is a graphic designer and could have MADE a card - gets no thank you.

Beth1210 Posted: May 15, 2006 10:25 AM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

Posted by waterspout4

We didn't send thank yous to stiffers. Oddly enough, it was just our 2 sisters.

do brothers and sisters think they don't have to give gifts?

I didn't get anything from either of mine either

but my brother is getting married next year- do I stiff him back?

I think yes- why should I give him money- when he didn't give me anything

my sister/MOH didn't even get me a shower gift!
my brothers FW did- so she will get one from me

I hate to be like that- but I spend so much on them and never get anything back

bluesashbride Posted: May 15, 2006 01:05 PM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

I sent them unless they were no-show stiffers. If they made the effort to come than I felt that was worthy of thanks. Gifts are appreciated but to me not expected. Now no-shows, that's a different story, unless its an emergency, health issues, etc.

Mrs. dleeny Posted: May 15, 2006 01:46 PM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

Posted by Beth1210

Posted by waterspout4

We didn't send thank yous to stiffers. Oddly enough, it was just our 2 sisters.

do brothers and sisters think they don't have to give gifts?

I didn't get anything from either of mine either

but my brother is getting married next year- do I stiff him back?

I think yes- why should I give him money- when he didn't give me anything

my sister/MOH didn't even get me a shower gift!
my brothers FW did- so she will get one from me

I hate to be like that- but I spend so much on them and never get anything back

This is just my opinion, but I would not give a sibling a gift if they didn’t give me one. Unless there are some kind of extenuating circumstances

carlsbride Posted: May 15, 2006 02:13 PM

Re: Sending thank yous to those good old Stiffers

We didn't have any non-gift givers, but I would not have sent a thank you if we had. (one person sent a gift later on-but originally I wasn't going to send her a thank you) I would feel like I was asking for a gift if I sent a thank you to someone for just coming to the wedding, JMO.