Shift in Priorities

have any of you noticed that your priorities changed either right before or after the wedding? with the wedding less than 5 months away, i'm noticing that my career no longer holds the same place in my life. the travel, long hours and fancy client dinners no longer hold the same appeal that they did when i was single. i would much, much rather be home vegging with FI. i'm also starting to look at my peers and realize those who are married don't have kids. i'm thinking of making a big move out of corporate america, but before i do, wanted to get some advice from those of you who have been there.

thanks!!!

I think that 'shift' happened for me a while back and had nothing to do with the wedding. I just woke up one morning and said 'what the hell is the point of all this BS and meetings and paperwork, etc..?'

I know its necessary to pay my bills but Im not driven as much as I used to be. I would love to leave corporate America but I also love having a home, food and clothing - so unless someone wants to pay me to surf LIW, Im stuck for now at least.

My suggestion to you is not to make any career impacting decision until you have spent at least 6-12 months thinking about it/thinking about the alternatives/making sure its right.

Its very easy to wipe away years worth of hard work in a decision that you will regret later...so make sure whatever you decide is right for you before you do it.

I don't think it can be said better than Stef, but I am definitely not into work the same way any more. Although I also think it may be that after 6 years, I'm simply not happy at my job anymore. The only thing is, I only work 4 days - if I could find that schedule elsewhere, I'd leave in a heartbeat!

DH and I have also discussed my staying home when we have kids. All in all you have to do what is best for you and your DH and the kind of lifestyle you want to lead...

right now i would be thrilled for 9-5!! it's more like 9-9, 6 days a week! the $$ is good, but i'm really starting to think there is more to life than $$ (once all the bills are paid, of course)!

i've been thinking about shifting for awhile, but lately the desire has really kicked up. thinking of applying to the NYC teaching fellows next year - luckily the application process doesn't start until october so i still have a few solid months to really plan it out (financially, emotionally, etc).

the other kicker is even though my company always makes those 'best companies for women' list, the reality is far different. if i shift to 3 days a week, my pay drops to 60% - for that much i can go teach high school math and only work 180 days a year with a more 'parent-friendly' career.

thanks ladies for the advice!!!

Karen,

I had a forced change in jobs last year that brought me to a more 9-5 job. It's been much better than the old 9-9 with weekends and lots of travel that I did before. We don't have children but the focus of my life has changed dramatically along with my priorities.

Good luck and think hard before making a big switch. The other option is to remain in corporate america in a more family friendly environment where they don't 'punish' you for working flex-time.

since I've been out of work for the last 7 months, I don't know if I can ever go back!

Whats amazing to me is how well we've been doing on our drastically reduced income! Our lifestyle hasn't changed that much (still having sushi ALL the time and going on vacations) but we're getting by and are still able to save some money too. I think we're just more aware of what we're spending (I've cut back on clothes shopping )

So with this new found knowledge, I'm thinking I should pursue something I love and is flexible for when the babies come, rather than something that pays (where I was before). Its really been an eye opener.

I've never had the strongest drive for a career - to me family was always #1 on my list. Thankfully, my DH has a very strong drive so I can rely on him moreso, even though I'm working full time as well. I'm hoping I won't have to when I'm older, but we'll see. Something part time would be ideal.

I do remember being somewhat surprised how my feelings on this intensified as the wedding got closer. Of course, we have our share of bills to pay too, but we're both very conscious of what's important to us and try and keep an even balance on things.

Lisa - that's great!

I am pretty much in the same situation as Sonicstef. I would love to do something that I love vs what I do now but the paycheck allows me to enjoy the life that we have.

We have certain financial goals and once they are met we plan to move someplace affordable (not NYC/LI) and pursue careers or jobs that are a bit more meaningful to us personally with a nicer quality of life.

I agree with Lisa...when our incomes were cut to one...we did what was necessary...and managed to not spend the severence...and live on 1/3 of what we were living on...

now our plan is to buy something small...so that the mortgage will be affordable...even if we had to work at macdonalds...

I just left my job that wasn't bringing me any joy...and it was the best decision I ever made...now I am looking for that perfect job...no matter the pay

Sort of related which makes me even more disinterested in my job is that my husband LOVES his job. So I see that and think 'will i ever have anything like that?'

Im very envious of women who have husbands who make enough to support them both. My husband loves his work but we will never get rich off his salary so my salary is very important.

I definitely think we could get by on less, but I dont even know what it is that would make me happy. I would like to work in a more creative job but what exactly, I have no idea. And who is to say that I would be happier doing that? At least I know Im happy with my paycheck for now.

Also - I could never leave NYC. I love New York and am a city girl at heart...so if we were to leave the area, it would have to be someplace equally as urban and thus equally as expensive.

I have no real desire to have children any time soon ... but I would love a career that I enjoy doing every day.

I got laid off 6 months before we got married. At the time I was devistated! All I could think about was how were we going to pay for the wedding. I did get a severence and that was a huge help. The best thing that came out of it was a total change of attitude for me! I stayed home for a few months...decided to take a class on medical billing. finished a month before we got married. Finished up my plans for the wedding. I actually got a job and started after our honeymoon! Great timing.
Unforunatly, the job, medical billing, didnt turn out to be a great as I had thought. but I stuck it out until something else came along, where I made more $$$. I had to go back to my commute into the city but its worth it for now!!

Sometimes, you need life to shake you up a bit to realize that there are other things out there that the typical 9-5. Its funny, when I was unemployed, we made due with alot less than we have now!!!

Good Luck with whatever you do. I know, being in a misserable job is the WORST thing in life no matter how much or little it pays!!!

stef - you hit my other issue right on the head - how do i know if i change to X, that i will enjoy it????

i do a lot of the Tax training at work which is the part of my job that i love, therefore, i think i would enjoy teaching, but who knows for sure????? i think that is what has kept me from taking any serious action.

my other issue is that i am the money earner in the family, but we would even out once we had kids and i tried to cut down to 3 days a week. my thinking is if i switch relatively soon, i have time to get my 'new' salary back up there before we have kids (when money will undoubtedly be tight).

i'm so relieved to hear i'm not the only one going through this!!

Lisa...I love this quote

Sometimes, you need life to shake you up a bit to realize that there are other things out there

Ditto Stef

My husband LOVES his job as well.

its so true, Lisa Rose!

Before I got laid off, I would have never considered a lower paying job, thinking we needed every dollar.

Our income was about the same (+-$5k) so its pretty much been cut in half. Neither of us was really the 'provider' since we made the same, but Al certainly is now! And as Stef mentioned, my DH also loves his job, which leaves me envious.

If you calculate unemployment, I'm now bringing home under $20K/year (though I only have it for another month)! So any job I get would be a step up from here

Roger loves his job and he makes enough to support us, but not support us and the way I shop now I am willing to move with him wherever, b/c being in corporate america is not my piece of cake at all. I want to so be in something more fulfilling, I want to be a gym instructor, I want to own a flower shop, I want to own a spa, there are so many other things I would love to do, but until the time it right, I just have to sit tight. I stay prayerful and know that in time God will open the door of opportunity for me to know where I should be, for now I am content.

Hmmm, good question...
My priorities also changed a bit after I got married. Since I moved out to suburbia from the city, that was enough to make me decide to no longer work in the city. The commute would be wayyy too long (over an hour just on the LIRR). and I did not want to begin spending 15 hours a week commuting. I had a few jobs in the same industry (I.T.) in the past 2 years, out here, but none were promising. When my last job ended, (contract/consulting position) I got pregnant shortly thereafter. I was still 'on the fence' about searching for that DREAM JOB in corporate Suburban America or if I should altogether change my path and start NOW for what I Would want to be doing in the future: Enjoying summers with my children. Not being at work all summer and sending my kids to camps as I counted the minutes to fridays at 5pm. Did I want to live life that way.... uhhmmm. NO.
I had 12 Grad credits towards my Masters in Ed that I had started about 5 yrs prior, so I decided prego and all to take myself to the local colleges and find out where I can begin.. I have always wanted to teach, I have always worked with children @ volunteer organizations, but I didnt want to make that change just yet in the city school system... (wasnt crazy about the thought of being placed anywhere in the city schools and I didnt wanna bite the bullet and take the crazy paycut to city salaries and conditions)
So im on that path, getting my masters, as I start my family. I hope to teach in nearby SD and have a schedule similar to my kids as they grow up... Thank Goodness, my hubby's salary supports us well without my needing to work. But I have always had a drive to work, and accomplish in life, so getting a Masters (and eventually a PhD) is something I will do, regardless of what my husband is doing. and Teaching is always something I've wanted to do, so Im running after that dream.


Just follow your heart !