So upset

Hi girls, I am a regular poster on here under a different name.....

I was married only a few months ago and I am very sad/depressed. We moved into our new home and I am sick every morning- I want to cry. I miss home and I dread coming back to our new home everyday. I had a rather long engagement and thought that I was ready for all of this, but now I'm doubting everything. My DH is so happy and I can't even begin to explain how I feel- I have tried before telling him I need to get used to the situation and he got all upset.

I am so lost and I don't know what to do. Please help

Is it just home sickness? Do you live far from your family?

It is a hard adjustment when you move out of your family's home. It doesn't sound like you and DH are having problems, it might just be a case of home sickness.
if this is a situation that is making you physically ill, you should talk to someone. Have your Dr. reccomend you to a therapist.
I hope everything works out for you and DH. Good Luck!

I'm so sorry. I agree that it does sound like home sickness? I'm assuming you didn;t go away for college and this is the first time living out of your parents home? It can be anadjustment! Talk to your DH and if you don't start feeling better soon maybe talk to your doctor about finding a therapist to help make the adjustment easier. Good luck

I agree with Diane that if this is your first time living away from your parents it can be a HUGE adjustment. Feeling out of sorts and homesick is completely normal, not to mention understandable. Don't be afraid to talk to your DH about it - and don't clam up to protect his feelings if he starts getting upset that you're upset. Living together for the first time takes some work and a lot of talking even for the happiest couples.

Have you tried talking to your parents about this? You could also try talking to someone at your church/temple/etc or someone at work (a lot of places offer some kind of counseling option).

Part of it is that any big adjustment takes time to get used to. If you stay open with your DH about your feelings and try to stick it out the best you can, it will get easier over time. Also, the more places you go (away for a weekend is a great way to change the atmosphere and break some of the tension), the more your new house will feel like home to come back to.

We're here to talk whenever you need to

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way! Is it homesickness, or something more? I was living at home before I got married and I fully expected to feel how you do once I got married. I'm thankful that I didn't, but can't say why I was ok with it. I think it's cuz life is just so busy for me now that I don't live at home - so work takes up most of the day, then getting home, cooking, cleaning, taking out my dog, etc. So I feel like my day is over before I get a chance to sit back and think about things.

If it's homesickness, it will definitely take some adjustment. Maybe you are already busy, but if you're not, maybe pick up a new hobby to take up some of your time? It won't resolve the issue, but it may keep you busy, leaving less time to focus on missing being at home.

Sorry you are having a hard time! I am having a hard time too but it does get easier! My parents are divorced and its been me and my mom ? even thought she remarried 10 yrs ago - my whole life ? 29 ½ years!!! Dh and I have been married 2 months and I can now go see my mom with hysterically crying?.
Try to make plans with your family during the week or for the weekend for lunch/dinner or to go shopping and spend time together?concentrate on the happy times you all have to look forward to.
Dont concentrate on that you dont live with them anymore....Look forward to spending more quality time with them.
Also, talk to your DH and explain to him that this is very hard and a big change for you...

I went through this too and its HARD but you do get through it if you communivate with your husband and he supports you. I had to move to another State and leave all my family and friends behind AND I dont drive yet so cannot get around. I Was TOTALLY reliant on him and he has to work odd hours. So I spend alot of time either at work, or home staring at a wall till he gets there.

we had some gruesome fights about it-he felt rejected when i said I missed my fam because he considers himself my family too, and rightly so. He, like your hubby, took my missing ym family and not being happy in our new place, as not being happy with HIM. He took it personal and thats why he was angry.

But once we talked it out calmly, and I made him understand that no I LOVED him and our new life, but I was also lonely and needed some time, it got better. Now we visit my family regualrly and he makes more efforts to understand the adjustement I am making.

Talk to your hubby... He loves you. He wants to make it work.

Aww, first I want to give you some
I would talk to you DH about how your feeling, even though like you said it upset him the last time.
You're probably just adjusting to your new life and home, everything will be ok!

Hopefully u will be able to get through this. Being homesick stinks! Its hard to just be uprooted when u are used to living a certain way ur whole life ( literally)
its a huge change that takes getting used to. I hope u can adjust soon and it doesnt take a toll on ur relationship

Thank you all.

The weird thing is, I went away to college and loved it. I don't understand all of these emotions. I totally agree that it's homesickness. I absolutely love my husband- I just don't want these feelings to overcome the good feelings.

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Posted by SadBride07

Thank you all.

The weird thing is, I went away to college and loved it. I don't understand all of these emotions. I totally agree that it's homesickness. I absolutely love my husband- I just don't want these feelings to overcome the good feelings.

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Just keep the lines of communication open with your DH - tell him how much you love him and how whatever you're feeling isn't connected to your happiness to be married to him and have a life with him. It's not like you want to be feeling this way so you obviously can't help it. He'll understand and talking it out will help you get through it. The other thing that will help is time and patience. As time passes, you might want to look into ways to make your home feel more like 'yours.' Add some special personal touches - repaint a room to a color you like, hang up a picture that makes you smile, maybe take some things out of your parents' house that mean a lot to you (obviously things they'd let you have lol), etc. The more you make it feel like yours the less it will feel like you're a guest in somebody else's life.

I cried for days before the wedding when i realized I wouldn't be coming back to my home that I grew up in anymore....it's actually a big change in your life and is totally different then going away to college. But I promise it gets easier. A lot of change has just taken place in your life, it's very overwhelming, you are not alone in this.

Once I moved in with DH and settled our house...everything just fell into place.

FM if you need anything.

It definitely is a huge change, I think it takes time and your DH needs to understand that you ARE trying but its going to be tough and he needs to be there for you.

Its not b/c you dont love him or dont want to be with him its just the idea of not going 'home' to what you know as home. Have you decorated and made your new place homey feeling? maybe that will help a little bit.

otherwise, I hope you get thru this and makes things a little easier

If it helps any I was homesick too for awhile when I moved from LI to FL 2 years ago. I knew nobody so it was like work and home and it was very difficult. There were times i would fight with DH and say I should have never moved. But now things are better because he realized that I was having an adjustment issue and we took it day by day. I hope things work out and good luck you can do it and get through it. You have a loving hubby who will help you.

Sounds like homesickness, and I'm sure it will ease over time. Just try to talk to your DH and don't be afraid! He loves you and you him and that can overcome anything! If you are physically getting ill though, you might want to seek out a counselor to help.

We're here for you!

were you living with your parents before? is that why you are so homesick?

and its definitely not anything to do with DH at all? i just found it a bit extreme to be crying everyday...i hope its not something else at all.

hopefully you will adjust soon--but let your DH know what's going on....and maybe even talk to your family about it.

and no need to hide under another name---everyone has tough times in the beginning!

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Posted by BunnyBride

I'm so sorry. I agree that it does sound like home sickness? I'm assuming you didn;t go away for college and this is the first time living out of your parents home? It can be anadjustment! Talk to your DH and if you don't start feeling better soon maybe talk to your doctor about finding a therapist to help make the adjustment easier. Good luck

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ITA with this....did you live away from home before getting married?

its such a huge life change and it can bring up so many diff feelings. i really that you and DH can talk about it and support eachother through this since you both really do love eachother very much. Im sorry youre feeling so down.

Not sure if this will help you...

but we moved from NY to CA after our wedding, and it was the first time for both of us to be living away from out parents and out of state.

we actually adjusted really well though! at first, before our jobs started we were getting a little moody and bickering a lot. but once we started our jobs, starting making friends, finding new restaurants and things to do, etc... we felt much better!

it's okay to be homesick.. but not to the point where you are miserable! do you like where you're living now?

try making some new traditions with DH. steve and i have our own little things we do that really make us feel like a family. also, make sure you get out, learn about your new town... i'm sure there are so many things to discover! try to make the best of the situation and focus on the positive

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Posted by PeteysBride

I went through this too and its HARD but you do get through it if you communivate with your husband and he supports you. I had to move to another State and leave all my family and friends behind AND I dont drive yet so cannot get around. I Was TOTALLY reliant on him and he has to work odd hours. So I spend alot of time either at work, or home staring at a wall till he gets there.

we had some gruesome fights about it-he felt rejected when i said I missed my fam because he considers himself my family too, and rightly so. He, like your hubby, took my missing ym family and not being happy in our new place, as not being happy with HIM. He took it personal and thats why he was angry.

But once we talked it out calmly, and I made him understand that no I LOVED him and our new life, but I was also lonely and needed some time, it got better. Now we visit my family regualrly and he makes more efforts to understand the adjustement I am making.

Talk to your hubby... He loves you. He wants to make it work.

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well said jenn Everything takes adjusting but you DO need to talk out ur feelings otherwise they're just going to eat at u! communicate communicate communicate...it is SO important - if DH knew how u were feeling, and comes to understand it, then he can do things to help support u & get u through this rough patch. My brother just went through this because him & his wife just moved out to the west coast...it lasted a little while, but now they are fabulous dont' worry sweetie - just get all ur feelings out...it's normal feelings & u guys'll get through it. lots of hugs love support & prayers