Some MIL advise needed

Ok, so there is a long history with MIL and her childish lies/manipulation/guilt trips to get things her way...

well i posted a while back about how she 'got into it' with my dad concerning her and my issues and made a sceen at my RD with her sobbing tears! My dad was upset (un educated to her past stunts) with me and caused a ruckus(sp) in my house the night before my wedding! so he then heard the truth about her cr@p and antics... anyway, recently DH and I had a discussion with her and i told her how dare she cause a sceen at my RD and bring my dad into 'it' and pull that kind of a stunt to get attention and sympathy... later she tells me MY dad started with her first saying to her she needs to share DH (which she does need to do).. i told her even if he did, he came to you with a problem he has with you... he didnt drag me into it... you dragged him into something he is completely unaware of and fankly has nothing to do with him!

I found out, my Dad did NOTHING of the sort! he only approached her to say good night and she started crying to him asking Y i hate her... meanwhile, i havent done anything to her but ask her to stop with her games and manipulation and guilt trips (DH has done the same)... and we have already gone over that i dont hate her!... my dad just told her just because you have disagreements doesnt mean she hates you... and when asked if she hates me she said no, and my dad said then what makes you think she hates you... and he continued with how DH will be a part of his family the same way i will be a part of my family.. and she fired back with 'i will not give up my son' ... am i wrong to take that as a threat???

In the end i am more peeved that she tried to put the blame on my Dad when he didnt do what she said he did just to save herself (note: i have NEVER known my dad to lie, and she has a real bad track record of lying!)

am i wrong to be peeved that she lied to my face in my house at the expence of my dad? what do i say to her now? i hate the though of her sitting there all smug thinking she got away with putting the blame on my innocent father... i am peeved because my dad has done nothing but MIND his business and every chance she gets she interfers! even to the point of going behind my back to my family to ask them to convince me of what she wants! I just feel she has gone WAY too far with this one!

any advise?

Sorry so long.. Thanks!

I would sit her down, just you and her and talk to her. Go out for dinner so you are on neutral ground. I would not rehash the whole situation. Tell her you would like to put any issues that she has with you out on the table. If she shares the issues she has with you then that's great, if she doesn't that's fine too. I would tell her that you value the relationship she has with her son and would never try and get in the way of that. Tell her that you also value your marriage and that you plan on making her son happy for the rest of his life.

Don't say anything mean, don't accuse her of anything...just reassure her that she still has her son.
Sometimes it's just hard for the mil to realize that her son has grown up.
With that being said show her how strong you are and how confident you are in yourself and your marriage. She will respect that and realize that her manipulations are not going to work on you.
Good Luck!

It's been my expereince that ppl that act like your MIL have serious self esteem issues and feel the constant need to be the center of attention. She probablly feels that you are taking her 'baby' away from her.

I would tell her that you love your DH and your marriage is very important to you. And then I would tell her that you think the relationship she has w DH is so special that you would never try to take that away.

I know this is easy said than done but I would really just ignore her stunts and just know to yourself that she is probablly very loney and scared. I think of her like a baby who want tell anyone how they feel so they cry and make a scene.

HTH...Good luck

YIKES! Good luck!

Only thing i can add is MOVE FAR AWAY! Less likely to get into her crap if you guys are not near her.

my advice might be harsh but for the families:

BUTT OUT and Let by gones be by gones. No need to beat a dead horse. She is now your MIL and why you would call her minipulitive to her face (even if she is) is beyond me. I'm sorry but let this one go. Its over, you've had your wedding, no need to keep discussing it. And furthermore, stop going back & forth for details, BUTT OUT.

Sorry to be harsh, but its how I feel

Okay I have a lot of experience in this as my grandmother hated my mom. All because she is Puerto Rican. Be prepared for the long haul, and be open and honest with your DH. Best things to do is not say anything, if you bring anything up it will just start another fight and you don't need that. If you can be the bigger person and just ignore her antics your DH will see you are the one being mature. Let her have her tantrums, I'm sure you are not the only one who sees her for who she is.

MIL's like this don't stop, they are selfish and immature. And they will do whatever they can to cause problems between you and your DH. If you feed into her it will only fuel her and I'm sure she knows how to manipulate things to put you in a bad light. And who knows if you avoid being alone with her and always be polite maybe she will begin to calm down. As long as you don't put your DH in between to choose sides things can get better. But if you put him in the middle and it's her or me, you can almost bet he wont choose or he might choose his mom, and if he chooses you well then his fmaily goes to war.

Step back take in a deep breath, and realize you married the man of your dreams. Don't go to battle unless you can win the war, and honestly unless he truly sees his mom for who she really is you will never win the war. Ignore her, and you will live a better life.