Spin-off to wedding gifts

So I pretty much go by the reciprocity theory for wedding gifts. I need to get a card today for the wedding we're attending this weekend, and I told DH to get his checkbook out and write it out so we don't forget to bring it. He asked for how much, and I told him the amount, which was the same amount the couple had given us.

Then he said that he thinks we should give more. I said why? Because we're also traveling OOT and staying overnight at a hotel, and the whole possible cash bar thing, though that doesn't have a real baring on the gift. He said 'Well, I think we're better off than they are, so we should give more'.

First off, he doesn't know for a fact about that. Second, forget that you would always like to get a big check handed to you, but would you be uncomfortable or feel bad about yourself if you received a wedding gift that's more than what you gave the couple for their own wedding?

I don't know...I'm not being cheap here and trying to give less than DH thinks we should, I just don't know if they might get upset or feel bad that they didn't give the same amount, you know? The bride already was really sad at our wedding I was told because she felt like hers was going to be inadequate compared to a 'big NY wedding', and I feel TERRIBLE about that, so the last thing I want to do is flaunt more 'big NY' in their faces, you know? Does that make sense? What would you do and how would you feel if you were in their shoes?

I would give the same amount. I have two weddings in August and I plan to give exactly what each person gave us.

I think I would feel the same way you do about looking like you are flaunting that you are better off than they are.

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Posted by asg450

I would give the same amount. I have two weddings in August and I plan to give exactly what each person gave us.

I think I would feel the same way you do about looking like you are flaunting that you are better off than they are.

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ITA

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Posted by coldasice217

So I pretty much go by the reciprocity theory for wedding gifts. I need to get a card today for the wedding we're attending this weekend, and I told DH to get his checkbook out and write it out so we don't forget to bring it. He asked for how much, and I told him the amount, which was the same amount the couple had given us.

Then he said that he thinks we should give more. I said why? Because we're also traveling OOT and staying overnight at a hotel, and the whole possible cash bar thing, though that doesn't have a real baring on the gift. He said 'Well, I think we're better off than they are, so we should give more'.

First off, he doesn't know for a fact about that. Second, forget that you would always like to get a big check handed to you, but would you be uncomfortable or feel bad about yourself if you received a wedding gift that's more than what you gave the couple for their own wedding?

I don't know...I'm not being cheap here and trying to give less than DH thinks we should, I just don't know if they might get upset or feel bad that they didn't give the same amount, you know? The bride already was really sad at our wedding I was told because she felt like hers was going to be inadequate compared to a 'big NY wedding', and I feel TERRIBLE about that, so the last thing I want to do is flaunt more 'big NY' in their faces, you know? Does that make sense? What would you do and how would you feel if you were in their shoes?

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I would give the same amount. Especially because of the 'big NY wedding' comment. I would feel like it was throwing it in their faces.

Is this really your DH? LOL Isn't he usually the one trying to save $?

I say give the same amount they gave youfor your wedding. That's usually, what I do. Tell him to take the rest of that money and spend it on you!

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Posted by asg450

I would give the same amount. I have two weddings in August and I plan to give exactly what each person gave us.

I think I would feel the same way you do about looking like you are flaunting that you are better off than they are.

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I have a tons of weddings this yr and i plan on giving the exact same amt they gave us... and thank godddd for the mortgage process asking us for ALL our wedding bank check images (PITA at the time), but we would have never remembered what everyone gave us...

As a side note, I was surprised at how many of our friends gave us cash.... not checks... i would never put cash in an envelope!