Spin off to: WHO DOES WHAT

do you think it makes a difference what kind of jobs you have and what you can expect out of your DH? or do you you think that no matter what your job is during the day, you and him should put an equal amount of time into chores/cooking???


See because I dont expect my DH to go crazy. He leaves the house at 6:30 - works physically all day - construction - and is home by 7. plus he commutes @ 100 miles everyday.

& me on the other hand, I work 3 minutes away, desk job from 8-4. I'm home at 4:15 - so for me to sit home and wait for him to come do the laundry or make dinner would just be silly.

ya know what I mean ladies?
Just wondering what you think.

yep - i absolutely agree. If both people work full time, or even when u have kids gabbie & ur working 8-4 or even parttime or whatever, PLUS then working on the kiddies, THEN i think it should absolutely be split...

If you're a 'stay at home wife' or 'stay at home mom' ....then to me, that's your job...for about the first 8months of our marraige i was staying home, and i absolutely did about 90-95% of the chores...but i didn't mind because to me that was my job....why should i be home & do nothing & then make my husband who working his butt off to provide for us do what i'm taking as 'my job'...

wont go into WHO it actually is, but i have someone very close to me who is a 'stay at home mom' and the hubby works full time - very long hours...and yet, untill the hubby gets home, the wife sits on the couch & their place is an absolute DISASTER and then she has the audacity to complain & be nasty at her husband to do everything when he walks in the door....DRIVES ME NUTS.

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Posted by EmberLynn

In this case, no! Don't get me wrong, I see reason on his day off that he can clean a toilet or vacuum a few rooms. But if he does pull days like you say, I would give him a break. However don't go too crazy waiting on him, hand a foot.

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no i know, lol.
im not his maid, dont get me wrong, if he leaves his crap somewhere thats where its staying bc i dont tolerate it -

i would love to get a cleaning lady though

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Posted by jtgarsik

yep - i absolutely agree. If both people work full time, or even when u have kids gabbie & ur working 8-4 or even parttime or whatever, PLUS then working on the kiddies, THEN i think it should absolutely be split...

If you're a 'stay at home wife' or 'stay at home mom' ....then to me, that's your job...for about the first 8months of our marraige i was staying home, and i absolutely did about 90-95% of the chores...but i didn't mind because to me that was my job....why should i be home & do nothing & then make my husband who working his butt off to provide for us do what i'm taking as 'my job'...

wont go into WHO it actually is, but i have someone very close to me who is a 'stay at home mom' and the hubby works full time - very long hours...and yet, untill the hubby gets home, the wife sits on the couch & their place is an absolute DISASTER and then she has the audacity to complain & be nasty at her husband to do everything when he walks in the door....DRIVES ME NUTS.

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omg I know what you mean about the stay at home moms who do nothing - ayyyyyy ----
yes i totally hear you about the 'we both work full time thing'

We actually follow more 'traditional roles' where I basically take on all the household responsibility. By traditional I mean that it is traditional for BOTH of our families, I know that is a hard word to define right now

But you bet your bottom if he wasn't working or working less, I would expect help!!!

ETA: the situation you described is basically what we are dealing with right now. I sit at my job all day and even with overtime or credit hours I am still home by 5PM. DH owns his own business, comes home in the middle of the day for lunch and a nap BUT isn't home until after 9PM every night - 7 days a week. I would never expect him to have to come home at that time and do laundry or cook dinner. Sometimes when he is home in the middle of the day he washes the dishes for me and THAT is much appreciated because I know he is exhausted at that time!

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Posted by ant n tilde

We actually follow more 'traditional roles' where I basically take on all the household responsibility. By traditional I mean that it is traditional for BOTH of our families, I know that is a hard word to define right now

But you bet your bottom if he wasn't working or working less, I would expect help!!!

ETA: the situation you described is basically what we are dealing with right now. I sit at my job all day and even with overtime or credit hours I am still home by 5PM. DH owns his own business, comes home in the middle of the day for lunch and a nap BUT isn't home until after 9PM every night - 7 days a week. I would never expect him to have to come home at that time and do laundry or cook dinner. Sometimes when he is home in the middle of the day he washes the dishes for me and THAT is much appreciated because I know he is exhausted at that time!

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YUP i know what you mean

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Posted by jtgarsik

yep - i absolutely agree. If both people work full time, or even when u have kids gabbie & ur working 8-4 or even parttime or whatever, PLUS then working on the kiddies, THEN i think it should absolutely be split...

If you're a 'stay at home wife' or 'stay at home mom' ....then to me, that's your job...for about the first 8months of our marraige i was staying home, and i absolutely did about 90-95% of the chores...but i didn't mind because to me that was my job....why should i be home & do nothing & then make my husband who working his butt off to provide for us do what i'm taking as 'my job'...

wont go into WHO it actually is, but i have someone very close to me who is a 'stay at home mom' and the hubby works full time - very long hours...and yet, untill the hubby gets home, the wife sits on the couch & their place is an absolute DISASTER and then she has the audacity to complain & be nasty at her husband to do everything when he walks in the door....DRIVES ME NUTS.

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ITA with this. 2 of my sisters are stay at home moms and they have awesome husbands who still help out here and there but they do most of the work - and they believe they should because that's their job.

DH is relatively helpful, but kind of a slob. it drives me crazy but i try not to complain too much because i'm always at work and school and he does a lot of cooking. he's just not so good with cleaning up and all that.

i honestly think however your relationship works, it works.

dave works 12 hour shifts during the week...he's in retail sales - which isn't something like construction, but he's still on his feet for 12 hours 3 days a week.

his job is the dishes - if they start to pile up - i'll do them for him - but that makes me feel nice, like i'm doing him a favor & he always thanks me.

every relationship is give & take and it's what you put into it that counts!

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Posted by davenjess

i honestly think however your relationship works, it works.
every relationship is give & take and it's what you put into it that counts!

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ITA!

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Posted by davenjess

i honestly think however your relationship works, it works.

every relationship is give & take and it's what you put into it that counts!

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agreed on this too! i think as long as a husband and wife are on the same level with this, that to each is own & whatever works does the trick...every relationship is different

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Posted by jtgarsik

yep - i absolutely agree. If both people work full time, or even when u have kids gabbie & ur working 8-4 or even parttime or whatever, PLUS then working on the kiddies, THEN i think it should absolutely be split...

If you're a 'stay at home wife' or 'stay at home mom' ....then to me, that's your job...for about the first 8months of our marraige i was staying home, and i absolutely did about 90-95% of the chores...but i didn't mind because to me that was my job....why should i be home & do nothing & then make my husband who working his butt off to provide for us do what i'm taking as 'my job'...

wont go into WHO it actually is, but i have someone very close to me who is a 'stay at home mom' and the hubby works full time - very long hours...and yet, untill the hubby gets home, the wife sits on the couch & their place is an absolute DISASTER and then she has the audacity to complain & be nasty at her husband to do everything when he walks in the door....DRIVES ME NUTS.

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Same here. Pete's job is much mroe physical than mine so I am willing to do most of the work but his eprsonality doesn't allow for it-he lieks to be helpful:) So we 'split' jobs like, I will cook and he cleans up. Or I do laundry and he puts it away.

I work in the city and DH works from home. but I do most of the chores- although he does help- I wish he could help more though, but after 24 years of living with his mom and grandma doing everything for him, Im prolly lucky he does what he does!

DH sometimes works long hours and over 60 in a week so on those weeks I don't expect much. But,its still not ok for him to leave mess all over the place. There is no excuse for not cleaning up after yourself.

I will do the laundry, just don't expect me to pick up your dirty socks off the living room floor