Spinoff from Stefs thread...were you ready before and not now??

I always said after our year anniversary we would start TTC. Anthony was always the one who tried to stretch it out longer. I always said one year..thats all!

Now that its coming up on our one year (November 9th), I am the one who is reconsidering and he is gung ho about it. He keeps talking about it and I keep telling him that this year went so fast with so many unexpected happenings that it made me rethink our decision.

I never would have thought my dh would be the one who was so ready for this and I wouldnt be. Its just that I havent felt like a newlywed at all this past year with everything that has been going on and my family came first so we havent had time to actually focus on the things we should be focusing on if planning for a baby.

This is starting to cause little arguements here and there and although I want a baby more than anything (when we are ready) I have been the one to start putting it off.

Anyone else go through this? Did you feel very ready before and now you dont??

Am i all alone???

never alone sweetie....

I don't know if you're alone, but I keep on going back and forth... But the 'no' part predominates about the readiness.

DH is another story, he is not as excited about kids, and was before, and I think it may have something to do with his friend having a child and DH seeing all the pluses and the minuses...

I am sure there are plenty of newlyweds that feel the same way you do.

And while I already have one little cutie pie of my own, don't think that it gets any easier after the first! DH and I were just discussing this last night - we have differing opinions about when #2 should (God willing) make its appearance, and I've found that my thoughts and feelings change quite often about it these days!

to you....give yourself a chance, and hopefully you and DH will come to a decision you can both be happy with.

My MOH and I are in your same boat! We've both been waiting on our DH to be ready. Well now they're ready and we're like They called our bluff so to speak

But we decided that we won't ever feel 100% or prepared, and it's always going to be a little scarey. She's gone ahead and started TTC. But me and DH compromised and are waiting until January.....and in my head I'm thinking February

If you come to a compromise, like maybe waiting another 6 months maybe that will help????

But know you are so not alone

I think the uncertainty is knowing that there is no going back, once you have children it cannot be undone. I think that's a normal to feel a little apprehensive.

I also remember one of my friends saying when they were surprised with a second pregnancy that they planned on another child but wanted to wait to move, get new jobs, money in the bank etc. She realized when she found out she was pg that they may have never been ready and they were thrilled that there children were going to be pretty close in age (about 3 1/2 years apart).

You are so not alone.. Mitch has been presuring so much that it is alomost a turn off

Soory if this is TMI

I really believe that bringing a child into this world is something that needs to be decided on over time (not just a 'jump in' decision) and should be a decision that both parents feel almost whole heartedly behind. Its not something you can go back on and whats worse - its not just your life that you effect, its a whole other human being you are deciding about. So if you dont feel ready, dont let anyone - even your husband - pressure you.

I have a friend that wants children and has recently gotten married and her husband is 'ready' but she is not. She is feeling the pressure - a lot of it..from hubby, their families, her biological clock..but she is not sure if they ready right now. That is a tough spot to be in - but she doesnt want to decide based on anyones elses desires...and i think that is a good sign that when she is ready, she will be a good mommy..b/c she takes it seriously and will be emotionally ready for it when it happens.

We also have the 'we'll wait one year before TTC' agreement, but like you it is getting very close! We definately are both in the same boat about wanting children and sometime in the near future, but just the other night we were talking about it and saying yikes, our year anniversary is only 4 months away! Deep down I'm pretty sure I am ready and I think DH is too. It is just hard to think of how drastically your life will change...no spontaneous happy hours or lazy saturday afternoons on the couch, no more alone vacations for a while, and also for us there is no family around. So part of us things maybe we will wait a bit until we can head back north. But the reality of the job market is telling us we will be waiting forever! So, I think come the one-year mark we'll figure out the game plan. But until then, as DH's friend would say, 'we are not pulling the goalie just yet!' (translated...going off the pill!)

'we are not pulling the goalie just yet!'

Too funny!!!

I feel very strongly that BOTH people need to be in agreement with the decision to have a child. If one is on the fence, then the decision should be to wait. Being a parent is not a part-time job, nor can you take it back once it is done. If you aren't ready then your DH needs to respect that and the two of you need to communicate NOT FIGHT about it. I mean, so if you change your mind to avoid a fight is that really fair to a child? or to the two of you as a couple? NO.
Now, if you are just worried about finances, or working and daycare or stuff like that perhaps a very real discussion with DH can help to allievate some of those concerns. But don't just agree without truly feeling okay with the decision.

I've never felt ready. My DH was ready until recently.

I've been putting so much effort into being open to the idea of children, trying to make myself more ready somehow. So I finally thought, well, maybe this time next year we will try.

So when I mentioned it to my DH, he was quiet, and said, 'Well, let's just see how it goes...' So now I think HE's not really as ready as he once was.

Which is fine by me, since I'm not ready either.

Anyone else confused??!!



ETS: Noreen, I don't blame you for not feeling ready right now. I think you just need some time for things to settle down, and some time for yourself, to adjust to all the recent changes and enjoy your marriage first. You don't need anything else added to your plate just yet!