Don't quote, I plan to remove some details just to be safe. All of our 'no-gifters' were OOTers. 3 were in the BP and acknowledged that they didnt get us gifts yet, and that they want us to pick something out that we really want (since they dont give $$$). However, one was really surprising.
A and B are a couple who have known DH since HS, are friends of mine too, and recently got engaged (set a date in 09). They both have tons of $$$$ and attended a wedding shortly before ours and gave a gift there (I saw the thank you note on the fridge of their new apt). However, no gift no card. It's possible that they are sending something, but it puts us in an awkward position for their wedding next year. I'd feel weird giving my normal gift but maybe something ~ $25 from their registry and a card? Or, maybe a gift will come eventually? The only thing I can think of is maybe they decided not to give a gift because they had to travel for our wedding, but gave a gift to the other wedding because it was local?
I'm really trying to finish my TYs ASAP (hoping to have them done by the 1 month mark) and had been planning to wait 2 more months before doing the no-gifters. Maybe it's better to write them a 'thank you for coming' note at the 1 month mark which would make them realize we never got their gift, if they sent one?
WWYD?
DeeluvsVinny
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Re: Spinoff to gift post: missing gift?
Wow, that's a tough one. I think I would send them a 'thank you for coming' note and see what happens. Do you have any mutual friends who can hint at asking them if they gave you something?
I haven't gone through the whole list yet, but I don't think there were any ppl who didn't give us something, even if it was $40 for two people who attended.
JennNicole
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Re: Spinoff to gift post: missing gift?
Lot of OOT do not always give a gift. Don't be surprised in the end if that is was ends up happening. I would just do all your Thank you's regardless of gift or no gift and let them know how pleased you were for having them share your day. Sometimes it prompt them to send something if they have not already esp if your sending a picture thank you.
IMO - Try not to compare weddings, just take a note of how they decided to handle your day .
RisiLeigh
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Re: Spinoff to gift post: missing gift?
We have 1 couple who was there and didn't give a card or a gift. I was going to send a 'thank you for coming' card, but DH's parents don't think we should send them one at all! And even my parents are in agreement (the couple is on my side). The woman was invited to my shower and, although she didn't attend, she didn't send a gift, either. I know that's not AS bad, but it's starting to show a pattern!
Your situation is a bit more awkward since you'll be going to their wedding next year. I would wait a little longer and see if a gift shows up...
jenn122397
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Re: Spinoff to gift post: missing gift?
I had two 'no gifters' who gave us cards later on - one had money, the other a gift card. We got one about 2 months later and the other like 3 months later - maybe they just didnt have the $$ at teh time of ur wedding - id say wait a lil longer
Jenn04
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Re: Spinoff to gift post: missing gift?
Ughh - sticky situation! We had several no gifters and I refuse to send a thank you! I know some will chastise for it but I just think its wrong that they didn't gift! Even a card would have been nice!
Ok as for their wedding... when the time comes - decide what to do for them. If it were me, I'd still give something...we'd prob do at least $100 but who knows. Its really hard to say unless I am in the situation and who the friend is. I just know I could go to a wedding empty handed so I'd givr something.
MushesGirl
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Re: Spinoff to gift post: missing gift?
i'm sorry this happened to you; i also got some no-gift no-card couples. they did travel tho, but it was still awkward for me. At first i went nuts thinking we lost the cards. When i realized we didnt, I just wrote in the thank you about how special it was to have them share our day and thanks for travelling.
One woman, dh's mom's friend, came from manhattan and no gift no card. I didnt even send her a thank you.
do you have to travel to their wedding?
sophisticat13
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Re: Spinoff to gift post: missing gift?
Like another poster said, that's a sticky situation! Technically they have a year to give a gift...I would wait another month, and then send a 'TY for coming' card. For their wedding, I don't know...part of me would want to not give one if they didn't give me one, and part of me would not want to go to a wedding w/o a gift. I would probably give a small gift. GL...
marriedinmontauk
Posted:
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Re: Spinoff to gift post: missing gift?
I had a lot of no gifters....honestly some people I totally expect that from....some I am quite surprised. I am not sure where I stand on thank you's for them. As for the no gift couple, don't sweat it, no gift in return is fine, and probably better, so they do not feel guilty.
mariaobride
Posted:
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Re: Spinoff to gift post: missing gift?
This situation is tough. There could be a few reasons why they haven't sent it yet but then again it could also be that they just didn't get you a gift at all. I would send a thank you anyway thanking them for attending your wedding. If they sent a gift they may come out and ask if you received it or not. Funny thing happened to me my old boss from years back who is like a second mother to me gave us a check. We even marked the back of the card with the amount and deposited all our money the day after the wedding before our brunch. I just got an email from her about 2 weeks ago asking if something happened to her check because it still indicates it wasn't cashed in her bank. I insisted we cashed it, turns out somehow we lost that check (who knows what happened) to it. She is sending a new one and I feel so bad but I guess my point is if they did send something and it was a check maybe they will realize it didnt get cashed yet and confront you. You may also still receive a gift soon.
