spinoff... what kind of parent are you/will you be?

rockysgirl made an interesting point in her thread about disciplining children in public.... so I thought it'd be a good question...

how do you plan on disciplining your children, how do you feel about spanking children when they're out of line? in public? etc.

what kind of parent are you / will you be? will you be stern? or will you be the parent that's a buddy?

I'm definitely one to discipline. My family threatens their kids saying that i will come over and talk to them if they dont behave and that gets them to stop what they're doing.

I think if a child's behavior has gotten really bad I would spank them. I was spanked as a child and I think I turned out ok. I wouldnt do it in public.

This is going to be a hot topic I am sure.

I have a degree in early childhood education, own a daycare, and I deal with parents (some good and some bad) all day long. A lot of parents have little or no clue on how to discipline.

Disciplining children is very hard but I believe it all begins with the way parents act. Children learn what they see. If children see parents who are high strung, and yelling. Children feed off that stuff. I don't think anyone should ever hit a child. Spanking a child sends the wrong message to children. How can you tell your child not to hit someone else or to act a certain way when you are using your force , strength and power to cause physical pain (even if its a light smacK).


Being a parent is just that being a parent. All of this 'I am your friend' is bs if you ask me.

I was spanked as a child and learned not to do what I wasn't suppose to. Will I do the same to mine, I really don't know. Kids get away with alot of things lately because parents don't want to disipline them. My friend has her kid stand in a corner when she is bad, I think that horrible. But that's me. Someone else might do the same.

I agree that this will be a HOT topic.

I'm going to be an honest parent, I don't want to be my kids bestfriend because then they don't treat you with respect. My mother is my bestfriend but that's not because she was trying to be, she repremanded me when needed and taught me and was honest with me my whole life. She never hide anything from me and I grew to love and respect that when I got older.

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Posted by MCA1180

rockysgirl made an interesting point in her thread about disciplining children in public.... so I thought it'd be a good question...

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I didn't even see this topic until just now, but it's a good one. I mean, everybody's different especially when it comes to how they'll raise their children. I personally can tell what kind of parent I'll be just by the type of teacher I am (I'm a pre-school teacher). I'm usually a buddy to the kids, we have lots of fun doing our lessons and playing together, but I'm also their teacher. Like if I ask a child to do something and s/he just flat out refuses (like to wash their hands for lunch or something) then I really don't let it slide. Children shouldn't be allowed to make their own rules, or else they'll walk all over you.

I KNOW I'm gonna be like that with my own kids. Fun, but also in control. They need to learn how to behave themselves and show respect to their elders. I think it's the worst thing you could possibly do to not discipline your child. I can see myself just being firm, like using time-outs (which are not used to schools anymore) or sitting down and talking to them about why I am upset, etc. Hitting a child shouldn't be a first option in my opinion, but I definitely agree with spanking a child if the occasion calls for it. So I think I'll be a mix of both - the child's buddy when we play and are just hanging out, but also stern when I need to be. I want my children to love AND respect me as I did with my parents when i was younger.

But like I said earlier - I WILL discipline in public if I need to. If they're misbehaving somewhere, you can't wait till you get home to punish. Kids don't have the kind of memory that we do (depending on their age) so the punishment won't be nearly as effective. I can't see myself doing it in front of people tho. If they need to be reprimanded, I'll take them to another room or to the car. I'm just saying that I won't wait until an hour later and THEN go forward with a punishment. But honestly, I'm just not the hitting kind (I can't even hit my dog when he's bad). So i really think that spanking would be a last resort, but that doesn't mean that I'm against doing it at all.

I really do think that both me & DH will be good parents. At least I HOPE we'll be!! lol

I will definitely discipline my kids, and no this doesn't mean beating them. But i hate when parents give in to their kids just because they are crying and they say they feel bad for them. Don't they realize that by now the kid just realizes that if they cry they get what they want so thats why they do it. Thats why most kids will stop crying the MOMENT they get what they want. Luckily for me, kids crying and screaming doesn't bother me. I know ppl cant stand it but i can handle it lol. If i say no its no and crying or acting like a brat won't change it. The worst was when i saw a show on overweight babies, there was this kid who was about 3 or 4 years old and no exaggeration but he ate so much more than i ate in a day, if i ate what he did i would be so sick. When they asked the mother why she said its because he cries and she feels bad and she doesnt care what others say bc she is a good parent and only a bad parent would let their child cry so letting them do something that is not good for their health is better than crying, at least with crying they develop their lungs lol.

But I also think some parents all they do is yell and just tell their kids no all the time. They'll say NO don't play with that and just leave it at that, well the kid is obviously bored and looking for something to do so instead of saying just no, say here lets do this instead. Play a game with them, do a project with them. of course this isn't always possible at any moment so no need to point that out. But some parents i know, i never see them interact with their kids that way.

I will be a friend but when it's time to discipline, i will have no problem doing so. I know DH will have a problem with disciplining lol so i'll take that role.

And yes if i am in public and they are acting a certain way I will discipline them. Not hitting but they need to be told when to stop. Will they always listen of course not that would make life too easy. But doesn't mean you stop trying.

Growing up I was so angry on how I was disciplined by my father.

Now that I am married...I am so grateful of all the hidden lessons that he taught me.

DH thinks that my parents are, no joke the best parents ever. He already has a list of questions to ask my dad when I get pregnant.

To answer the topic question...what kind of parents will we be?
We will be strict, yet understanding and compassionate.

The best lesson that I was ever taught was...You will never gets something for nothing. DH thought I was lying when I told him I had to do chores before I was allowed out. Now that he has met and fallen in love with my parents, and knows the values and lessons my sister and myself have learned, I know that we will raise our children in a modified, modern way that my parents raised me. DH thinks that my sister and I are totally insane but we are also two of the most loyal and grounded people ever and that is because of our up bringing.

I was disciplined as a child and always hated the fact that I was BACK THEN. However, I look back and realize that they were doing it to teach me the difference between right and wrong and am the person I am today because of them. I see how my parents were less strict with my youngest brother and he gets away with so much more than I do...to me, that's proof that consistency with discipline is so important.

I have some students who disrespect me and other teachers to our faces and they do not hesitate to curse and throw fits. They are spoiled and that works with their parents (I can say this for sure because I've spoken to them and realized what I was dealing with), but I think that they should know their limits and figure out what is appropriate for the given situation.

So yes, I will discipline my children and I know my husband will too. I want to be their best friend in the sense that they know they can come to me for anything and everything they need to, with the knowledge of what's right and wrong ahead of time. I will not hesitate to spank their booties if they get out of line, in my own home of course...there's no need to publicly 'punish' them. I am all for putting them in their places out in public, all within reasonable means of course...I will not be one of those raging lunatics that is yelling at my kids at the grocery store...that makes me sick!

ETA: I will work on using positive reinforcements when my kids fix their behaviors so that in the future they know what the outcome of their behavior will be. This all sounds like a great plan and I'm going to work very hard to stick to it...as with any child, I'll deal with their individual needs when the time comes appropriately.

i can tell you what im NOT going to do... im NOT going to give into my child b/c he/she is crying for something they wanted that i wouldnt give them, im NOT going to be one of those parents who doesnt care what their child does, who their child hangs out with or what time their child comes home at night.... i've seen TOO MANY parents who let their kids run the streets at night when they are 12, 13, 14 years old and just throw up their hands and say 'i have no more control over them' because THOSE are the parents who give their children everything the minute they start crying and who DO NOT set rules and regulations the minute they are out of the womb

i will NOT be that parent

There is a saying that children thrive when they have boundries. I was disciplined and only when I really misbehaved so that I understood that my behavior was unacceptable. Also, my mom who was the 'enforcer' she didn't hit or smack everywhere or in public. She would not give into me in public and I knew to listen to what she said to me and if I didn't then she would discipline me when I got home. I did get hit and only on the butt...my mom felt hitting all over wouldn't drive home the point that only hitting me on my butt would because I'd think about it when I went to sit down. She also used to put me in time outs for minor things, but for major misbehavior I definitely got hit.

I do think my parents were a tad too strict when it came to certain things. Like I wasn't allowed to sleep over anyone's house ever, In high school I had to be home no later thank 4pm, etc. But looking back now I can see why they were and how their life experiences made them want to protect me..sometimes overprotect me. I'm not sure I'll be that strict bubt I definitely will not be a push over. So many life lessons are learned when you're young and shape the kind of person you will be as an adult. These things make you strong and independent so you can thrive as an adult.

I don't want to be my childrens best friend, I want to be their parent. I want them to love and respect me and I think with that an openess will come between us.

I have one set of IL's that try to be their kids friends and their kids are HORRORS! No discipline whatsoever, hit and smack their parents, nobody wants to take care of them and when they come to parties everyone dreads them being their. It's really sad. They have done their children such a disservice.

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Posted by Espo22

at least with crying they develop their lungs lol.

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sorry i deleted the whole answer except this line, because I SWORE my mother was the only person to say this lol.

Anyways getting back to my answer. Personally I really don't know YET. My son is 3 months old, and I don't let him cry at this point, because well he only cries if he is hungry, tired or wants to be changed lol. Honestly its going to be soo hard for me to let him cry, because he's just to cute and I hate to hear him cry.. BUT when he is older, I hope that I wouldn't let my little feelings affect how I am as a mother, because kids NEED discipline, and your only hurting your child future, because they will end up as brats.

Personally I won't hit my child. I don't think it teaches a child anything but fear. I think children need to be taught from day one right from wrong, and I don't see how physically 'hurting' ((i used '' because I know nobody is meaning there going to be beating there child, just light slaps and such, which I was given growing up etc. )) a child is going to teach them anything besides do not do it unless you want to get hit again, I want my child to know the reason he is told no, and why he shouldn't do it again.

I also would love my son to think of me as a mom first and a friend second. I want him to be able to come to me if he ever needed to talk no matter what it is, in no fear of consequences. But I want him to understand that if he does something wrong that I am still his mother first and will always discipline him when needed.

But ask me in a few years, when in fact I am going through it, my whole thought process now could be totally changed lol

I believe in postitive reinforcement....and will try that route.

However I did want to note that I was spanked and threatened with a wooden spoon and I turned out ok too!

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Posted by Jenn04

I believe in postitive reinforcement....and will try that route.

However I did want to note that I was spanked and threatened with a wooden spoon and I turned out ok too!

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oh the wooden spoon...i was threatened but never hit with it haha but I was sure scared of it

I always say I will be a very disciplined parent, and really wont allow them to get out of line much. I don't want to be their 'friend' b/c I personally feel like they will lose respect for me. I am not worried about being their friend, I just want to be someone who will be able to help them grow into an intelligent, productive member of society.

But, when i see how I discipline my own puppy for getting out of line I think about if it were a child, and if I would react the same way. I definitely would not be the type of parent that lets her child run around the restaurant like in that other post, and they certainly wouldnt' talk back to me like I have seen how some children do to their parents.

I worry sometimes b/c when I am around children b/c I find that I am constantly telling them what they shouldn't be doing, or trying to correct them from making a mistake. I think that would be tough on a child, and wouldn't be fair. These are some of the things that make me think twice about having a child lol

I was also beat with my fathers belt most of the time, and I sort of turned out okay lol =D

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Posted by mrspalomino148
Anyways getting back to my answer. Personally I really don't know YET. My son is 3 months old, and I don't let him cry at this point, because well he only cries if he is hungry, tired or wants to be changed lol. Honestly its going to be soo hard for me to let him cry, because he's just to cute and I hate to hear him cry.. BUT when he is older, I hope that I wouldn't let my little feelings affect how I am as a mother, because kids NEED discipline, and your only hurting your child future, because they will end up as brats.

Personally I won't hit my child. I don't think it teaches a child anything but fear. I think children need to be taught from day one right from wrong, and I don't see how physically 'hurting' ((i used '' because I know nobody is meaning there going to be beating there child, just light slaps and such, which I was given growing up etc. )) a child is going to teach them anything besides do not do it unless you want to get hit again, I want my child to know the reason he is told no, and why he shouldn't do it again.

I also would love my son to think of me as a mom first and a friend second. I want him to be able to come to me if he ever needed to talk no matter what it is, in no fear of consequences. But I want him to understand that if he does something wrong that I am still his mother first and will always discipline him when needed.

But ask me in a few years, when in fact I am going through it, my whole thought process now could be totally changed lol

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I agree with you Mayghen. I mean of course I don't have a child yet but I hope to be almost exactly like my parents when I become one. I want to be a mother first and a friend second. I want my child to come to me with any worries, problems, fears, goals, accomplishments. But I will also discipline them when needed.

I also don't agree with hitting I feel it only teaches children pain and humiliation as well. I also know that DH will be the disciplinarian in our family. I know I might be too soft at times with our kids because that is just my personality. Of course I believe children must have discipline and respect their elders and other people. I also know that I will be like my parents in the sense of knowing where my children are when leaving the house, not letting them stay out to all hours of the night, hanging outside the mall or just a random store. I will not be letting them just hang out at any persons house without a parent home when they are younger. I will know if there is a gun in their friends houses (although Dh has guns) I want to make sure that I know if there is one in that hosuehold and locked away. I will in respect always let my childs friends parents know we have guns locked away. Oh and yes my mom always went up to the parents of our friends and asked them that haha.I will not give into my child when htey scream and cry and throw a tantrum. I will discipline my child in public if need be (not by spanking though).

However, this brings up another point for me- I hate when people judge other parents when out and having a hard time controlling their child. I always think maybe their child has autism or ADHD...those are rough lifestyles to be living and I wouldn't want anyone judging my parental skills if i was struggling with discipling my child. Of course there is always the difference between letting your kids run a muck in the restaurant and bothering people and having oyur child be fussy and non complient with your demands and acting up a bit.

. CHildren learn by example. Therefore I want DH and I to be the best example we can be. I want my children to learn by seeing. They see dh and I working together and helping each other, they will want to be apart of that.

One thing that I am big on is 'earning' things. I dont want my kids to take anything for granted. They will learn to clear their own plates, put there own clothes in the wash and work as a team.

My mom did EVERYTHING for us and my 22 year old brother is living home be served hand and foot still, my other brother is about to be the same way at 18. No jobs, no chores, no help.

I think spanking your child is okay only when warranted.

Like for example, my friends child pooped in his pants on purpose to get his mother into the room after a 45 minute temper tantrum!! She wouldn't give in to his cries, or threats for 45 minutes, so he resorted to forcing a poop out in his pants, while laying in the bed so she could come in the room. Did he get spanked, NO! She took away the DS and T.V. for ONE day!! I think this situation warrants a spank, and some counseling.

I don't believe in the 'my child is my buddy' B.S. The way kids talk to their parents these days is disgusting, absolutely disgusting! I believe it comes from the mentality that it's easier to let the child get away with the behavior than discipline them for it.

DH & I agree that fear has to be instilled into you children, not by hitting at all, just 'the look' which means 'do it one more time and you're in deep trouble' I know this was effective on me. Also, the follow through has to be there...if you threaten to take something away as a punishment, then it has to be done. It may not be easy for anyone, but it has to be done to enforce that Mama aint playin!