How do you split time between your parents and your inlaws?
I am accused of being one sided by my family because we go by or see inlaws more... it is doubly hard since my parents are divorced so9 i have to split the time between them. I feel a lot of pressure and sometimes think i am in the wrong...
how do you deal?
LadyDuda81509
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Re: Splitting time between families
Yeah its hard, and no matter what you do you cant please everyone!
i know its hard, DH's parents are divorce and his father and brother live in jersey! so seeing, my parents, his mom, and his father is almost impossible to make it even!
and we constantly feel like we are driving all the time to make it fair.
try not to stress it too much, do the best you can and make a point to tell your family you are not siding with anyone and its just hard...
or make them all come to you! and if they dont get along oh well...they need to learn to be civil
scatteredx12
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Re: Splitting time between families
Well we're pretty lucky with Christmas and New Years, because my in-laws celebrate on Christmas Eve and New Years Eve, and my parents celebrate on the actual days. The other holidays throughout the year, we literally split the day in half between the two families and it works out alright because they live five minutes away from each other.
I feel like we do spend more time with my family and DH's mom has made comments about it in the past to him here and there, so we try to spend more time with them. It's hard to split time between two families and you have to remember that you're doing the best you can, and you can't please everybody 100%.
miamimerger
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Re: Splitting time between families
I'm always going to have this problem with my mom. We are moving to Philly and DH's family lives in Philly--we are obviously going to be seeing his family more just because they are 10 minutes away. As for holidays, DH and I spend thanksgiving at his family's house and christmas at mine. My mom said that she should be able to see us for thanksgiving too since DH's family is jewish so seeing us for the christmas holidays doesn't really count (my mom is a born-again, so i really don't see the problem in this ). I just let it roll off my shoulders.
halfbaked
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Re: Splitting time between families
Yeah, it's been tough, especially because I'm the oldest and the first to be married. My mom told me 'It feels more like losing a daughter than gaining a son.' Way to break my heart!!
MLAngelo
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Re: Splitting time between families
luckily we live on LI and near my parents and his are in NJ, so we try to do most holidays with them since I see my parents all the time, but I am an only child so even that is hard.
I am definitely accused of being one sided by my MIL since I talked her son into living near my parents.
Spring143
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Re: Splitting time between families
we spend more time with my fam and I like it like that! his fam didnt come to our wedding and we dont speak to them anymore. so his mother chooses to spend holidays with them which means we dont even have to think about where we are going on holidays anymore . they did me a huge favor. we do try to make plans with his mother for a day to celebrate other than the holiday. like we went out the night before easter with her and her husband. my fam has done a lot for us
MrsC2010
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Re: Splitting time between families
this is something thats always difficult for us. my parents are divorced and both remarried so its splitting time between 3 sets of parents instead of 2.
we have been rotating years with holidays like thanksgiving, easter, etc. between my mom and Dhs parents (my dad usually gets the shaft). Christmas we do Xmas eve with one set and xmas day with the other. Then I try to see my dad the day after Xmas. Its hard and means a lot of traveling for us but its the best thing we have come up with.
edited to add: besides holidays we probably see our families an even amount. We are about an hour to an hour and a half from each set of parents.
coldasice217
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Re: Splitting time between families
We spend more time with DH's family. We see them at least once a week, because we live like 3 blocks away and do our laundry there. But in addition to that, his family has a lot more birthday parties and holiday gatherings, so we see each other usually once a month on weekends too. DH sees them all the time since he's constantly going over there to work on his car, and has to keep his bike there as well until we get a house.
I have been able to see my family once a week after work, sometimes popping in other days as well, since I work 10 minutes from their house. I won't be able to do that for much longer now, and I don't know how often I'll be able to see them now, my weekends are very busy so I'll have to really try to make time to go visit.
pandafish519
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Re: Splitting time between families
we see my in laws much more often b/c we live a town away so it never takes long to get there. with my family, we are all SUPER busy and its a little farther to see them. but this summer will be a little more balanced and now with the baby my family wants to get together more often to see her!
T E R I
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Re: Splitting time between families
We both see our families a lot, but separately-lol. DH is at his parents house everyday, his dad is at our house a lot, and I go to my moms at least once a week. I usually go to his parents house for holidays or if the whole family is going to be there. We split the holidays, doing half the day at DH's parents house, then my moms house.
luvabul
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Re: Splitting time between families
i see my family way more than i see my inlaws. I see both sets of parents atleast once a week though, its only cuz we all live like 15 minutes apart from each other.,...... But it is hard, all the major holidays are a struggle, mothers day i saw my mom in the morning and my MIL in the evening...and i was exhausted by night
gina409
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Re: Splitting time between families
dh and i have known each other since we r 12 so we both know ech other's fam well and just go see oth when we can...it also helps that we ive 4 houses away from my parenst and his mom lives 5 min away
VickiR510
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Re: Splitting time between families
We are pretty lucky. We never really have that problem. We split up the holidays unless of course my in-laws & my fam are together for them. Then on Sundays we usually spli those as well unless we ar elal together. I guess we ar elucky because my fam & my ILs get along really well.
Ivyqueenz
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Re: Splitting time between families
I'm no real help. My parents and I live in a two apt house so there is no escaping them lol. And DH's parents live in Israel sooooo we see my parents a lot and his parents only when we fly to Israel or they fly here (so far once a year). He does spend early Sat morning on the phone or on Skype but I get it lucky.
However I do have to share my Christmas... my family celebrates Christmas Eve so we are here for that and my BFF celebrates Christmas Day... So we are there for that too.
I think you need to make as much time as you can... You can even have time when you invite both families over and try to kill two birds with one stone.
