There really wasn't one specific thing that drove us apart. It was a cumulation of eight years of passive-aggressive behavior, insults, digs and innuendos. She has taken every opportunity over the past eight years to make me feel terrible. A small sampling of some of the things she's said/pulled: She 'gave' me this past Christmas an ornament that my husband's long ago ex girlfriend gave him because she thought I would like it for my tree ?!? It was personalized with something like 'Dear Bob, All My Love Lorrie'. She's constantly reminded me that I've replaced 'her' in her sons life, by telling me so. She's made openly rude remarks about my looks/weight. I used to work a second job and while I was at work, she'd have my husband take her to places we deemed special, like this little private beach and such that only we go to because she's wanted to share/experience the moment with him ALONE (meaning no me). She's slighted me for years on my birthday but makes a big fuss over other SIL. She is always making comments about how I don't really know my husband, after all we're just friends??? She'll walk into my house with food items and such and specifically tell me 'These are for Bob'. On my wedding day, while my mother was standing behind them (FIL/MIL), they started making nasty, cruel comments about how they were surprised that I could have possibly pulled myself together to look decent, while I was walking into the church from the limo. My mother almost cried! The rest of his family is no better, the brother is completely arrogant and struts through my home as if it was his own and I have no business there. He told me before we got married that I meant nothing to his brother and that h*ll would freeze over before he'd marry me (this during an argument I had with him as to why I didn't show up at his engagement party - I was attending my brother's 35th birthday party on the same day). I used to like FIL until I heard he was saying negative things towards me without cause because I've always gone out of my way to be nice towards him. SIL is clone of MIL with her nasty digs and innuendos. The straw that broke the camels back was during a shower I was attending, I was helping her mother (who is an amputee and cannot walk/care for herself) throughout the day and she (in front of many) called me a kiss-*&& for helping her mother! She was continuosly rolling her eyes in my direction and I just snapped! Whenever there is a problem between myself and my husband's mother, he totally stands behind her and this was no exception EXCEPT for the fact that there was witnesses that spoke up about his mother's behavior to him, including his grandmother. I know I should kick him to the curb and in reality, he does need to make a choice. I'm not saying he shouldn't have a relationship with his mother/family but he made vows to ME and I should be considered as important (if not more) than his family since I am his family in the eyes of God. If he doesn't make that choice, then I have to do what's best for me and move on to a less complicated situation with far less interference. It's very hard because when it's only about him and me, things are great/harmonious/in synch. Once his family mixes in, it's like a trip to the WWF. I've tried to ingore it, I've tried to avoid them to the point of making it a second career but they are always there to make sure life is miserable! I don't know what to do. I love him but the garbage HAS to stop!
MichelleW
Posted:
Member since
Starting counseling tonight....
(HUGS)
It sounds like you have alot to deal with, and not to be rude, but it seems that your husband needs to get a set of (insert word here - rhymes with halls ;-) ). It seems ludicrous that his brother has free reign in YOUR home and that his mother won`t cut the apron strings. I hope everyhting works out for you..please keep us posted we are here for you
phyl
Posted:
Member since
hugs and more hugs
There should not be anyone else in your
'marriage bed' but you two..no MOMMY and no
BROTHER, etc. WHy the H*^%$ are they talking
to you and about you in that derogatory tone
and WHAT the H(&^ doesn't your hubby straighten
them out?
(sorry- I am butting in)
I am truly sorry for my outburst but I feel
for you.
WE are here to support you-
feel free to vent. I am glad that you posted
and let us know how it is going.
Take care! HUGS!
LaurenDM
Posted:
Member since
Starting counseling tonight....
I feel SOOO bad for you! You are right to go to counseling, although I think the counseling that's needed is between your husband and his mother, or perhaps just your husband alone. He has MAJOR issues with not being able to tell his mother where she stands. She's his mother, but you're his WIFE!!! He has to be a man, not a child. You, my dear, have NO problems, and have put up with more than any woman should have to. Good luck!!!
Lee
Posted:
Member since
Starting counseling tonight....
I can't express how your situation makes me feel! God bless you for your patience and the love you obviously feel for your husband that you would put up with this abuse - because that's what it is -- for so long! Your husband really needs to learn to stand up to his family and remember that you are now a family - husband and wife -- and that that team always comes first!! I know I'm not telling you anything you don't know, and forgive me for butting in, but sometimes it helps to reassure you that you are not crazy. Please stay strong and listen to the little voice inside of you as you go through the process - it knows better than your heart! Much luck and hugs!!
KGB
Posted:
Member since
Starting counseling tonight....
I admire the fact that you are working at keeping your marriage together. In this day and age, when 50% of marriages fail within the first 5 years, not calling it quits is admirable.
Elizabeth
Posted:
Member since
Good luck to you
I commend you and your husband for the willingness to go to counseling and working on your marriage. It takes 2 people to save a marriage. It`s not easy to do the soul searching that is required when decide on therapy. As you said in one of your posts, it`s something that has been going on for awhile. Family issues run so deep and your in laws sound like very unhappy people without boundaries. I hope that you and your husband can work to overcome their interference and your husband can find the strength to make a major change in his life by showing them that he will not tolerate his wife being mistreated. I wish you all the luck in the world. I truly never thought of what the marriage vows really mean until I got married. Granted as a newlywed, they aren`t always tested right away but I admire that you take them seriously enough to put in the work. I hope it all works out for you both. As the others said, please come here for support anytime.
