still torn...

DH and I have not decided where we are spending thanksgiving...

Our parents live BLOCKS from each other and I don't see the harm in doing dinner at one and dessert at the other. DH seems to think its rude to get up and leave to go to another. I don't think its rude, I see it as being able to spend the holiday with BOTH families!
I'm so close to pulling a name out of a hat or flipping a coin!

Anyone agree with me? Or have a way I can convince him?

Yea I wouldn't leave in the middle of dinner, but our parents are most likely having dinner at the same time, so I don't see the harm in leaving after dinner and going to the other house for dessert. But DH on the other hand thinks its rude. I don't know.

His sister is not married, so its his parents, his sister and grandmother. At my house its my brother, sister in law my nieces, grandmother and parents. If we start off by going to his parents then Ill pretty much never spend a holiday with my brother if we do the opposite...Im so torn..

DH says who evers house we go to for the night, we'll stop off at the others first to say hi and what not.. My logic is, why even do that? Go do dinner at one and then go to the other for dessert! Hes such a PIA!

im crashing - we always do this since our families both live on staten island - we do one side for dinner and one side for dessert - i never thought we were being rude - i think its better than not showing up at all.....but now im worried that family thinks that its rude that we come for dinner and then leave? i hope they don't! i thought it was more rude if we didn't go there at all....

It is not rude at all, you are trying to spend time with both families and that's totally understandable. We are having dinner with with my family and going to DHs families house for dessert. Both of our families are not bothered by it.

We split most holidays....doing dinner at 1 place & dessert at another. Both of our families live close to each other and we like to see everyone on the holidays. Definately do not think it's rude to do this.

The only time we don't share the holiday is if we go down to NC where DH sister's leave.

---

Posted by Espo22

I think its better to do both than completely leave out one family. If they lived far from eachother it would be a different story, but since its only just blocks away then the other family might be upset if you didn't stop by. Ask him 'do you think its better we just dont see one family the entire day when we could easily spend a few hours with both' people do this all the time and i think both sets of parents will understand. The parents you wouldn't see on thanksgiving will sit there and think that you are only a few blocks away and wont see what the big deal is to drive just a few blocks and spend some time with them.

---

I was going say the same thing. You are lucky they live so close to even have that option.

If he's so against splitting, then say fine then we'll just go to my family's house the whole day then... maybe then he'll be willing to split if it's his family getting left out completely.

---

Posted by 08JulyBride

---

Posted by Espo22

I think its better to do both than completely leave out one family. If they lived far from eachother it would be a different story, but since its only just blocks away then the other family might be upset if you didn't stop by. Ask him 'do you think its better we just dont see one family the entire day when we could easily spend a few hours with both' people do this all the time and i think both sets of parents will understand. The parents you wouldn't see on thanksgiving will sit there and think that you are only a few blocks away and wont see what the big deal is to drive just a few blocks and spend some time with them.

---

I was going say the same thing. You are lucky they live so close to even have that option.

If he's so against splitting, then say fine then we'll just go to my family's house the whole day then... maybe then he'll be willing to split if it's his family getting left out completely.

---

I tried that!
he is so stubborn. I was just talking to my mom and she was like, why don't you just tell them to come here! It would make it so easy!! So I call DH and he says he can't talk about this at work which means no. I can't with him lately, hes been driving me insane! I don't understand what the heck he wants!

LOL sounds like you guys are the first married couple in the family for your generation?

I am the last to get married in my family. Now its like who is coming for appetizers, who is coming for dinner and who is coming for dessert. It is like a revolving door in my mother's house and it i wonderful!

We are doing dinner at my ILs and dessert with my parents. it isnt rude at all, just make sure everyone knows the plan before you get there so they arent surprised when you have to leave!

We are for his side.. My brother is married with 2 kids.

My mom rather us split it if anything or have them over. I dont understand what the big deal is with going to both. We have done it for YEARS and now all of a sudden he thinks its rude..

either his mother is getting a hold of him, or who knows what!

It is so hard , but you should explain to DH that now that you are a married couple it is important to split the holiday's so no ones family is left out. Tell him that it is rude to leave your family out. you don't get up in the middle of dinner , but afterwards its ok .


As a child of divorce, splitting the holiday's has been second nature to me .

---

Posted by jessnstu08

It is so hard , but you should explain to DH that now that you are a married couple it is important to split the holiday's so no ones family is left out. Tell him that it is rude to leave your family out. you don't get up in the middle of dinner , but afterwards its ok .


As a child of divorce, splitting the holiday's has been second nature to me .

---

Oh I've tried.. Im going to try once more tonight. I really want to call his mom and be like do you see any harm in splitting it this way? Cause I have a feeling they are the ones who said it was rude...