Stressful day...

So besides the fact that I was running late today because of one of our kittens being REALLY into the Christmas tree, I'm about 20 minutes away from work and at around 9:00 I get a call from DH...

His dad has cancer (since October) and it's stage 4 lymphoma. I've been living my life like the movie 'Hanging Up' where every time the phone rings I'm like 'he's dead! This is it! He's dead!' So I'm thinking, holy poop, he's dead. Well he's not dead, but they put him on oxygen and he was in a lot of pain and they basically said get here to see him now. Well here is 2 hours away and DH was going to go by himself (he was originally going to go tonight with his Uncle, but it didn't work out for scheduling reasons). So he asked me to go. I would never say no, but I hate his dad. Hate hate hate. And I don't hate people. Look up bad dad in the dictionary, his picture is there. So I went, and it turns out he's not that bad. I mean, he's sickly and he probably doesn't have much longer, but maybe a month, not a day or so.

And while we're there, DH's aunt (who has a problem with him---who knows why because DH is seriously the sweetest person ever. He could never hurt anyone and rarely even stands up for himself because he is just that nice) has made it clear to nursing home staff that they are not allowed to talk to DH about his father's condition. They won't call him when he dies, and they are not allowed to tell him anything. Now I know HIPAA also says you can only tell certain people stuff, but there is actually a note in his father's file that DH saw when the woman was flipping through that explicitly said this. WTef. Seriously. Why be petty at a time like this?

It was a hard day. For me it was frustrating trying to pretend to be ok with being there, talking to his dad who can barely hear me (he's deaf and I never can speak loud enough without yelling and sounding angry) and pretending to care what happens to him. But I feel so horrible for DH. I almost started crying just because it is so hard to see him so upset. He's had such a bad relationship with his father, and now all this BS with his aunt. Bleh.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

Thats a stinky situation. Im sorry

OMG that is such a horrible situation. Lots of for you and DH.

Im so sorry

You know - when it comes to life ending situations like this - dont you think it's time to 'bury the hatchet' & just restore peace at least for the soon-to-be-deceased's sake?? Call me crazy - but there are a few people in this world that I absoultely 'hate' but if it came down to it where they were dying - I wouldnt try to create more family drama by being spiteful like your DH's aunt is. Is DH's aunt's husband still in the pic? If so - can you guys talk to him to find out what the dealio is w/the aunt & DH? I mean not for nothing - but your DH is FIL's SON - he has a right to be notified if his father passes away - that is just totally effed up!

I wish I had better words of wisdom. Maybe DH's aunt should read Tuesdays With Morrie - maybe give her some real perspective in life. That book is so amazing, plus that it's based on a true story is what makes it doubly good. I read it at least once a year.

Hugs to you & DH...so sorry lovey that you have to deal with all of this!

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Posted by Tomlaur0808

Im so sorry

You know - when it comes to life ending situations like this - dont you think it's time to 'bury the hatchet' & just restore peace at least for the soon-to-be-deceased's sake?? Call me crazy - but there are a few people in this world that I absoultely 'hate' but if it came down to it where they were dying - I wouldnt try to create more family drama by being spiteful like your DH's aunt is. Is DH's aunt's husband still in the pic? If so - can you guys talk to him to find out what the dealio is w/the aunt & DH? I mean not for nothing - but your DH is FIL's SON - he has a right to be notified if his father passes away - that is just totally effed up!

I wish I had better words of wisdom. Maybe DH's aunt should read Tuesdays With Morrie - maybe give her some real perspective in life. That book is so amazing, plus that it's based on a true story is what makes it doubly good. I read it at least once a year.

Hugs to you & DH...so sorry lovey that you have to deal with all of this!

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DH's aunt is divorced, and I know she has a guy friend but I don't know if they're married or what. Who knows. I mean, I'm probably 30 years younger than her and even I can act mature around FIL and be there for DH and I don't like FIL, so why can't she be ok with her own family? It's beyond me.

Thanks ladies.

I am so sorry, this is a toughie. Just hang in there and I am praying.

im so sorry you guys are going through this

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I hope things get less stressful soon!

Thanks guys. It's just so hard waiting. Two months ago DH went to visit his dad before he went into the home and made peace with him, but it seems like the longer he lives the more drama gets created and makes everything all worse again.

Ugh, what a $hitty situation. Sorry you and DH are going through this ...

Thanks! We're just trying to take it one day at a time.

Lots of for you and DH; hope things get better for you guys.

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Posted by MrsInglima

So besides the fact that I was running late today because of one of our kittens being REALLY into the Christmas tree, I'm about 20 minutes away from work and at around 9:00 I get a call from DH...

His dad has cancer (since October) and it's stage 4 lymphoma. I've been living my life like the movie 'Hanging Up' where every time the phone rings I'm like 'he's dead! This is it! He's dead!' So I'm thinking, holy poop, he's dead. Well he's not dead, but they put him on oxygen and he was in a lot of pain and they basically said get here to see him now. Well here is 2 hours away and DH was going to go by himself (he was originally going to go tonight with his Uncle, but it didn't work out for scheduling reasons). So he asked me to go. I would never say no, but I hate his dad. Hate hate hate. And I don't hate people. Look up bad dad in the dictionary, his picture is there. So I went, and it turns out he's not that bad. I mean, he's sickly and he probably doesn't have much longer, but maybe a month, not a day or so.

And while we're there, DH's aunt (who has a problem with him---who knows why because DH is seriously the sweetest person ever. He could never hurt anyone and rarely even stands up for himself because he is just that nice) has made it clear to nursing home staff that they are not allowed to talk to DH about his father's condition. They won't call him when he dies, and they are not allowed to tell him anything. Now I know HIPAA also says you can only tell certain people stuff, but there is actually a note in his father's file that DH saw when the woman was flipping through that explicitly said this. WTef. Seriously. Why be petty at a time like this?

It was a hard day. For me it was frustrating trying to pretend to be ok with being there, talking to his dad who can barely hear me (he's deaf and I never can speak loud enough without yelling and sounding angry) and pretending to care what happens to him. But I feel so horrible for DH. I almost started crying just because it is so hard to see him so upset. He's had such a bad relationship with his father, and now all this BS with his aunt. Bleh.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

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Who is your DH's father's healthcare proxy? That's the person who makes all medical decisions for him when the father is no longer lucid. If it's your this aunt, then your DH should talk to his father now and make sure there's an end put to this letter. The aunt cannot just make these decisions, unless she's the proxy. Then she can, once DH's father passes. I know it's a horribly conversation to have, but it's an important one to have.

I'm sorry you're going through this now.

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Posted by debzy

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Posted by MrsInglima

So besides the fact that I was running late today because of one of our kittens being REALLY into the Christmas tree, I'm about 20 minutes away from work and at around 9:00 I get a call from DH...

His dad has cancer (since October) and it's stage 4 lymphoma. I've been living my life like the movie 'Hanging Up' where every time the phone rings I'm like 'he's dead! This is it! He's dead!' So I'm thinking, holy poop, he's dead. Well he's not dead, but they put him on oxygen and he was in a lot of pain and they basically said get here to see him now. Well here is 2 hours away and DH was going to go by himself (he was originally going to go tonight with his Uncle, but it didn't work out for scheduling reasons). So he asked me to go. I would never say no, but I hate his dad. Hate hate hate. And I don't hate people. Look up bad dad in the dictionary, his picture is there. So I went, and it turns out he's not that bad. I mean, he's sickly and he probably doesn't have much longer, but maybe a month, not a day or so.

And while we're there, DH's aunt (who has a problem with him---who knows why because DH is seriously the sweetest person ever. He could never hurt anyone and rarely even stands up for himself because he is just that nice) has made it clear to nursing home staff that they are not allowed to talk to DH about his father's condition. They won't call him when he dies, and they are not allowed to tell him anything. Now I know HIPAA also says you can only tell certain people stuff, but there is actually a note in his father's file that DH saw when the woman was flipping through that explicitly said this. WTef. Seriously. Why be petty at a time like this?

It was a hard day. For me it was frustrating trying to pretend to be ok with being there, talking to his dad who can barely hear me (he's deaf and I never can speak loud enough without yelling and sounding angry) and pretending to care what happens to him. But I feel so horrible for DH. I almost started crying just because it is so hard to see him so upset. He's had such a bad relationship with his father, and now all this BS with his aunt. Bleh.

Thanks for listening to me vent.

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Who is your DH's father's healthcare proxy? That's the person who makes all medical decisions for him when the father is no longer lucid. If it's your this aunt, then your DH should talk to his father now and make sure there's an end put to this letter. The aunt cannot just make these decisions, unless she's the proxy. Then she can, once DH's father passes. I know it's a horribly conversation to have, but it's an important one to have.

I'm sorry you're going through this now.

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She is his proxy. It actually used to be DH and his sister, but I think his aunt changed his dad's mind.