Any other newlyweds out there feel stuck in a rut? I still have not caught the christmas spriit yet and i guess i wont be this year. I just still feel like I have not gotten over the wedding yet. My husband and I have been fighting over silly things and I just cant seem to pull things together. I try working on the apartment and realize that I totally **** at it. I cant decorate for anything and I have no incentive to do so. I feel so lazy and tired all the time. Dont get me wrong.,.,I love being married but cant seem to do what I have to do. Its just so much adjustment and its driving me crazy. I always see all the newlyweds on here totally happy and I feel bad I dont feel that way.
I was just wondering if anyone else felt this way. I know it took me a long time to post this cause I was embarrassed about it but I needed to vent. Thanks so much ladies.
Latina511
Posted:
Member since
Re: stuck in a rut :(
I know exactly how you feel. I have been trying to decorate my new apartment since we moved in in October. We purchased a X-mas tress last week Sunday and it still has not been decorated. Fights with my hubby were going on alot after the wedding but we sat down and talked about it. Now everything is fine. For me X-mas ****s this year and I totally know how you feel. I have not even finished purchasing anything and I won't be around for the holidays now that I have a family emergency.
jennbaby
Posted:
Member since
Re: stuck in a rut :(
Noreen. I am not married yet but I have NO Christmans spirit either this year. We bought very minimal gifts & did no tree this year, maybe that's why. All I have on my mind is wedding in 4 1/2 months but I can't wait till it's over & done so I can resume my normal life. I will not miss planning & I know that for a fact. Throw on a Christmas CD & decorate the best you can. You may not feel in the spirit but give your DH the xmas he derserves
bride082003
Posted:
Member since
Re: stuck in a rut :(
I am not married yet either, but I wanted to say that Ive been in a rut too! Ive been playing christmas music 24/7 both at home and at work to hopefully try to get me more in the spirit. I even went into NYC to see the tree...but NOTHING. I dont know what it is this year. I sure hope the excitement of the holidays comes back. Everyone tells me that once you have kids it comes back! I sure hope it comes back sooner....
Val R.
Posted:
Member since
Re: stuck in a rut :(
Noreen... it is not only you... don't think everyone on this board has the most blissfull marriage, many of us fight or bicker & that is normal. We have been together for 10 years, married & living together for 5 1/2 months. It's a whole new life now.... we can't go home if we disagree about something.... you know what I mean. It is stressfull to try & organize & decorate an apartment & keep up with your job & housework... something all new to me!! I used to come home to dinner made & maybe my own laundry to do, not floors to clean, someone elses laundry, food shopping & so on!! We also fought a lot in the beginning & it is getting easier now, we found a little better routine & we each pitch in. For us it's the only way, we both work 40 hour weeks plus I do overtime frequently, so we both need to help. It does get easier I guess, but don't feel bad about the Christmas thing.... this is a whole new life now & you have millions of other things on your mind! OK.. off my soapbox now... sorry! Hope you have a nice Christmas.
Sonicstef
Posted:
Member since
Re: stuck in a rut :(
Noreen: Did you move in together for the first time after the wedding? If so, that could be the cause of all the stress and fighting. When I first moved in with my husband (4 years ago), it was just terrible. There is a big adjustment to go through.
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: stuck in a rut :(
I agree wtih Stefanie. If you did not live together first there is a HUGE adjustment period. Give yourself time to learn about living with someone new. You can be in love and happy to be married yet still have a hard time moving out of your home, or living with him in the beginning. Many brides feel overwhelmed and depressed after the wedding is over. There has been a lot of excitment over the past few months and now a lot of that is over. Don't rush yourself or get down on yourself- what you are feeling is very normal.
Lisa Rose
Posted:
Member since
Re: stuck in a rut :(
I feel the same way as you...I can not get in the Christmas spirt either....I guess its just been a very buys few months for us...with moving in the house and trying to unpack! I hope that next year will be a little different!
Also, my husband and I have been fighting alot also but we make up pretty quicly!
ChristineC68
Posted:
Member since
Re: stuck in a rut :(
I was just saying this to my mother this morning - that it just doesn't feel like Christmas. We have decorations and presents all over the house and I still feel blah.
And I think what you are feeling is absolutely normal - a wedding/marraige is on the list of top 5 most stressful life events. Its a HUGE adjustment, especially if you are living together for the first time (moving is also on the list)
Give it some time and I am sure you will settle into your new wonderful life just fine
dkga1026
Posted:
Member since
Re: stuck in a rut :(
nychic...don't worry about what you are going through and don't think you are alone....there is no such thing as a blissfully happy marriage - no matter how perfect it looks from the outside....every couple has issues and problems that they go through from time to time....and i also agree with what some of the others said, it is a huge adjustment moving in with someone....i know, because i did this recently as well...it takes some getting used to...don't force yourself to 'get in the Christmas spirit' or to do things you don't feel like doing....just concentrate on making yourself feel better so that you can then have a more peaceful marriage...that's the best Christmas present you can give to the both of you....let us know how it goes!
jeng
Posted:
Member since
Re: stuck in a rut :(
Hi Noreen. I can totally relate. We were married in September and I still don't feel like myself. I saw Oprah's after show over the weekend, and they were talking about life after the wedding, and it made perfect sense to me. The wedding planning became my life over the past year. Once the wedding is over, your whole life changes. And in my case, I did the majority of the planning on my own, so I'm the only one that felt the change. I feel kind of like I'm in Limbo. My DH have been living together for years, so I wouldn't say the change in the living arrangements is part of it. I've been trying to get out and do more. My DH has been very supportive, after I explained that it's something I need to deal with that in no way is his fault. He even planned a weekend in Toronto (I live in Buffalo) for us to give me something to look forward to.
I'm not sure I have any advise, since I'm still trying to get out of my 'rut', but you're not alone. I've been feeling a little better each day, so you've got to believe there will be an end to it
Jen
sha11209
Posted:
Member since
Re: stuck in a rut :(
ALL I CAN SAY IS THANK GOD FOR THIS BOARD! I THOUGHT I WAS ALL ALONE IN FEELING THIS WAY! WE WERE MARRIED IN OCT, PURCHASED AND MOVED INTO A COOP B/T NOV. AND DEC, AND NOW THE HOLIDAYS...I FEEL SWAMPED AND NOT INTO THE HOLIDAYS AT ALL! WE ALSO LOST MY GRANDMOTHER LAST FEB. SO THIS TIME OF YEAR HAS BEEN HARD. MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE ALSO BEEN FIGHTING AND I ALWAYS FEEL LIKE IT'S MY FAULT(IT'S NOT THOUGH!) THANK GOODNESS I KNOW THERE ARE OTHERS OUT THERE LIKE ME! THANK YOU!!!
NovemberSue
Posted:
Member since
Re: stuck in a rut :(
I think its probably because you have to get used to living together.We lived together for almost a year before we were married so nothing's really changed for us. You went through a change and it takes a little getting used to.I'm sure everything will be fine,just take it day by day.
