Thursday NW QOTD

Good morning ladies! First I want to say that this is NOT meant to stir up any trouble at all. Every situation is different but lately I've been seeing so many B2B posts about having to please certain people with your invites/ceremony/flowers/choice of band or dj etc. It always confuses me a little because I know when I planned my wedding it was MY WEDDING and my (or really ours - me and DH) ideas.


So I'm wondering, did you have to do a lot of people pleasing when it came to your day of choices or did you and your DH choose everything without thinking of others' (and possibly others who were paying for the wedding) opinions?


Now I'm not saying it's terrible to do this, but it just always makes me since I never had to worry about that.

The only thing I did to people please that I did not want to do was to register for China bc dh and I live in a apt and prob will for a long time bc we have to stay close to our parents for thier health reasons and we thought it was waste. My step mom made me do it and shhhhhhhhh i wont tell FH but I swoon over my China now even though it sits in boxes I am excited to one day have the perfect Martha Stewart Thanksgiving dinner at my house even if i have to wait anther decade

I kept asking for opinions, but no one would offer me any... so I just did it all myself with what I thought we would both like.

I had one great aunt express annoyance over our having a buffet instead of sit-down meal, but that was something we weren't going to budge on, and all our guests loved it (since the food was AMAZING!!!!) so it was no big deal.

No, no way. We paid for the wedding ourselves and even if we hadn't, I can't imagine spending all that money on something that we didn't want.

I mean, here and there we acquiesed (MIL wanting to be escorted by her brother and not her niece and nephew, which we thought was cute - of course that was her choice, inviting said niece and nephew to begin with because we had a no-kids policy and they are 10 and 12) but for small things that would not change our day. My mom flipped when I told her we were not having a church wedding and she got over it.

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Posted by springsandra

I kept asking for opinions, but no one would offer me any... so I just did it all myself with what I thought we would both like.

I had one great aunt express annoyance over our having a buffet instead of sit-down meal, but that was something we weren't going to budge on, and all our guests loved it (since the food was AMAZING!!!!) so it was no big deal.

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Me too! I kept asking my parents or DH’s parents for opinions on things and they kept saying “It’s your wedding, do what you want,” even when I actually WANTED their opinion!

But I guess I would have rather had it that way than being afraid that things we did would upset anyone.

Since DH & I paid for our wedding it was OUR wedding 100%. I did take suggestions & consider certain things that made sense & applied it. But in the end it was everything we really wanted. Im too much of a control freak to allow another person other then DH to plan our wedding. We were so happy with everything. It was the best day ever!

In the beginning I didn't want a big wedding, I just wanted to run away somewhere with DH and just get married, but his parents would have died and killed us. So we had the big wedding, which in the end, I loved having.

The only thing that we had to run past anyone was the RH, DH wouldn't sign a contract unless his father approved of the place. This led to a big headache for me and me going to about 15 places and having a mini-breakdown over RH and saying thats it, we are having it here and I don't care

After that DH didn't want to know anything about the wedding except for how much, which was fine with me and I also stopped telling FIL's what was booked so everything would be a surpise on the day of

Well my parents covered the entire cost of the wedding, so I did yield to them a little. But my parents have never been one to push their opinions on me, even to a fault. (When I picked my college they wouldn't even give me there opinion until I made a decision for fear they would sway me.) My parents were the same with the wedding for the most part. My parents had their opinion about the place but even know they know the Lessings and Korbs (Captain Bills) personally and Southwood Ho would have given us a good deal as members, my parents were supportive and accommodating when I chose Lands End, where we knew no one. In fact they knew I liked it so much they encouraged me to choose it.

My parents yielded to me on colors and videographer completely and spoke their opinions by request on the dress, flowers, decor and photographer. And even though my mom is extremely traditional she reluctantly allowed me to have my pocket fold invitations with color on them.

The only place I really let me dad make the call was the band. My father had been collecting cards from bands since I was 18, only to discover over half the cards were from A Current Affair, so I went to hear them immediately and we booked them the next day. But even so it was ultimately DH and my decision.

Were I did yield to my parents were cost related decisions.... the decision to switch to all tall centerpieces was theres, because I never would have made the call to spend that money. The decision to do so many DIYs was my moms. The number of guests, the size of the bouquets, the number of pieces we hired for the band, the particular photo/video packages, these decisions were all left up to them. They also helped make food decisions as they were the ones paying for the meal.

I also had to yield to my mom with a lot of etiquette related decisions. Using old fashioned proper etiquette was extremely important to her.

As for guests, well yes, I yielded to both our parents a lot and pretty much gave them free range to invite who they wanted, after all its as much their party as ours, especially with them forking out the $$. But my parents were great about it and allowed us to invite over 5 tables worth of our friends, so no complaints.

My mom and dad gave us a good chunk of the wedding cost (they were paying for the whole thing and then I kept adding things on so we paid for them. They were totally like 'we're giving you this money but its your wedding do what you want' .
Our wedding was 100% us. I even wrote a list of requirements for my shower b/c I'm very controlling and things have to go my way.

(I read my own post...I'm such a BRAT!)

I was pretty lucky and I didn't have to do much pleasing...I had to extend farther in to extended family on DH's side than I would have thought necessary, but as it is we still didn't even make our minimum, so I guess that wasn't a big deal. But we picked the place we wanted, the decor we wanted, everything else we wanted. No one really butted in on that. The only thing we 'had' to do, which wasn't bad at all in theory, is have a Saturday night wedding because DH's parents were helping with the RH cost to make that happen, because they didn't want to inconvenience their guests by having to take off on a Friday from work or having it be on a work night Sunday...which is awesome in theory, except that that weekend, Friday and Sunday were gorgeous and Saturday was the monsoon from hell! I wonder what my pictures would be like if we had the Friday or Sunday instead

Oh I think it was pretty much our wedding. . I would ask for opinions and my parents sometimes gave them but they honestly didn't care at all what I did/didn't do - they each wanted to invite a few friends but that was fine with me - it was really almost all of our friends and of course family but it really was our wedding. .all my dad asked was to give a toast. . .

It was truly 'our' wedding. Heck - I'm 41 and really 'over' the whole people pleasing stage of my life

However, I did try to be considerate of people's feelings. Even though we paid for 99.9% of the wedding ourselves (my mom paid for everything I wore, flowers and favors - his parents NOTHING), I wanted to acknowledge my mom's contribution in some way and felt the only way to do that was to put 'together with our parents' (without their names) on the invitation.

The only other thing I did was let my mom and FMIL pick 'their tables' - they each got a family table and a friend table.

nope..we did what we wanted and were pretty lcky cause nobody really bothered us

or maybe they didnt care

technically...i SHOULD have...but i didn't! and i've got no regrets!

Yes, my mother. She is extremely opinionated and hard to please, and my parents paid for our reception and a ton of other things for the wedding, so I did have to listen to her bittch a LOT. In the end it was all good though!! Even though she drove me effin crazy for 15 months, by the end I just started completely ignoring her!!!!