To give or not to give.....

februarybride Posted: Oct 03, 2002 11:03 AM

To give or not to give.....

Tonight is the wedding of my DH's co-worker (which happens to be the boss' son). They came to our wedding (4 people) and didn't give a gift - not even a card!

I'm torn as to what to do.... we have to go - out of respect to his boss (it's a really small company). Should we give a gift?? Shoud we be as generous as we normally would?? The entire company is going and we don't want to be talked about as 'cheap' especially since we just got married and everyone else was VERY generous- but they don't know he didn't give us a gift.

Am so confused -

The truth of the matter is it shouldn't make a difference - we should give as we normally do...I guess it's just that they won't even care that we gave a gift and they didn't...ya know?

What would you do?

Cindy Posted: Oct 03, 2002 11:08 AM

Re: To give or not to give.....

This is a hard one. We didnt get a gift or card from some of my husbands family (he has given many gifts to them) and we cant understand how or why. When people go to a backyard bday party they give a gift or if you go to someones house for dinner you bring something, so why do people do this at a formal affair? It would be SO hard for me to give something. I dont know what to tell you, but please let me know what you end up doing. This has been an issue we have a hard time understanding.

alina Posted: Oct 03, 2002 11:22 AM

Re: To give or not to give.....

I would give a reasonable give, not overly generous...

Karen H Posted: Oct 03, 2002 12:42 PM

Re: To give or not to give.....

Rather than give cash, see if anything on the registry is on sale, or give something nice that is on sale, like a crystal vase or candlesticks. It will show thought and make a nice presentation, and you can spend less that you would if you felt you had to cover plate costs - it's also harder to compare.

Claud2001 Posted: Oct 03, 2002 01:58 PM

Re: To give or not to give.....

As usual, I wholeheartedly agree with Karen H...she always has very thoughtful and considerate suggestions!

natasha Posted: Oct 03, 2002 02:44 PM

Re: To give or not to give.....

I agree with Karen. You can get something really nice, and show them that you have better class than they do.

michele31 Posted: Oct 03, 2002 04:01 PM

Re: To give or not to give.....

Honestly I would give a small gift, maybe $100.
I would not worry about what they might say. The truth is 4 people went to your wedding and didn't even give you a card. I would not give them my normal gift, but I would also not stiff them because that is not my style.

MichelleW Posted: Oct 03, 2002 04:04 PM

Re: To give or not to give.....

I honestly would not go empty handed, but I wouldn't be overly generous either

NuBride Posted: Oct 03, 2002 04:41 PM

Re: To give or not to give.....

I second that to Michelle.

februarybride Posted: Oct 03, 2002 04:42 PM

Re: To give or not to give.....

Thanks so much ladies! I'm going to try to get to the mall and pick something up - never thought about buying a gift . If not...will have to give $$ how much - will let my DH decide!
thanks again

NuBride Posted: Oct 03, 2002 04:42 PM

Re: To give or not to give.....

P.S. I just realized you said 'tonight' is the wedding, Wow Thursday night weddings are getting more and more popular.

shamma Posted: Oct 03, 2002 04:52 PM

Re: To give or not to give.....

People think people who stiff you on gift giving, will feel bad when you do the opposite, but if that is who they are that is who they are.

Do what makes you comfortable

jpsgirl Posted: Oct 03, 2002 11:51 PM

Re: To give or not to give.....

this is said and done already since it is midnight on thurs, but I am curious - if the 4 people that came with the boss felt it was perfectly acceptable to not give a gift, then why wouldn't they think it was acceptable for them to not get one? Also, how did you guys that didn't even get card from some people deal with that - were you worried that some cards were lost?

Cindy Posted: Oct 04, 2002 10:51 AM

Re: To give or not to give.....

I kind of feel the same way. If someone doesnt give a card or give, do they expect to get one in return? JPS...there were cards missing. None of them were actually so to speak missing though. One of my husbands cousins mailed us a card and check after honeymoon and said it couldnt be helped, someone else left theirs home and gave it to us shortly thereafter, and two other couples which are husbands cousins who came with their spouses, I confronted one of them saying, 'in case it was stolen so you could put a stop to the check' immediately said to me they were waiting for us to return home from our honeymoon to send a gift. We have been home from honeymoon for over a month and nothing. He is very upset that they did this. I dont know if this happens all the time, but I would NEVER go to a wedding empty handed!