For those of you that don’t know… Aidan’s father and I were best friends who stumbled into a mistake that lasted a lifetime. At the time, we thought we were close enough for love. In actuality, we hardly knew each other. At the time, my heart broke into a million little pieces when he left…
I spent my entire pregnancy holding myself together gathering whatever strength I had to get through each day. Slowly the hurt his father caused me faded away to a sting, eventually healing forever. I documented my thoughts for one day I knew I would read back, amazed at how far I have come. How truly resilient the human heart is.
I knew I would heal.. And I knew my son was given to me for a reason.
I started writing to him while I was pregnant. I wrote to myself in a separate journal. My emotions were so mixed with sorrow and joy, I never wanted to mix the two… I knew eventually, joy would prevail.
Today marks his eighth birthday. So I thought I would share a letter I wrote to him the night he was born
My dearest Aidan,
A short time ago I saw your beautiful face for the first time and realization has set in that this relationship is forever. Everything I have done in life, every experience, every memory, every beautiful breath has lead up to this moment. My life revolves around you now, for now you are my whole world. You represent my growth, you represent my strength… most of all, you represent everything good in this world. As much pain as I am in right now, as much as I thought I wanted to give up, it is all worth it because I find myself counting the moments until I can see your beautiful face again, and looking forward to bringing you home and starting our new life together. You are the reason why I am hanging on through this because you are my strength and you remind me why life is so worth living. You are my best friend and I cannot imagine loving anyone as much I love you. I finally understand what it is like to love someone unconditionally. I promise to be the best mommy I could possibly be, because you deserve it. I cannot wait to start our adventure together. Just be patient with me.. I promise to be patient with you.
I love you,
Mom.I apologize at being a sap but words cannot express how thankful I am for this child.
Aidan:
I love how your lower lip still pouts when you’re about to cry.
I love how you sing to yourself when you’re playing in your room.
I love how you cannot listen to music without dancing.
I love how you have this wild obsession with wanting to be a cat.
I love that at your kindergarten graduation you told everyone you wanted to drive a bus for a living.
I love how big and green your eyes are.
I love that whenever I let you sleep in my bed, no matter how hard I try to move to the other side of the bed, you always end up RIGHT next to me.
I love that you still love to cuddle.
I love that you always apologize to me after we’ve had a fight.
I love how you never seem to be able to lie to me.
I love how you have a new girlfriend every year, depending on who’s in your class.
I love how still say ‘retending’ for ‘pretending’.
I love how the day you took your first steps, it was quickly over shadowed by you discovering your p enis.
I love how you went through a phase when you were three where all you said was ‘ooooooh wow’.
I love how your eyes smile when you’re laughing.
I love that you still allow me to kiss you goodbye, even though you are embarrassed.
I love how when you were 4, your favorite color was pink.
I love going through the phases of Elmo, Bob the Builder, Thomas the Tank Engine, Hot Wheels, and Star Wars respectfully.
I love how sensitive you get when you’re having trouble with your friends, but you manage to hold it together.
I love how when we brought you to church, you studied the paintings representing the procession of Jesus and when you got to the end you pronounced in horror ‘Nana… they killed GOD’
I love the boy you are becoming and as hard as it is sometimes, I love that I have faith in that you will be a GOOD kid.
I love that I could easily sit here for days writing down all the reasons why I love you.
Happy 8th birthday, my best friend.
