TOPIC OF THE DAY FOR 10/17/02

Ok, now that the holidays are approaching, how do you handle them -- your family, his family, split them up, have everyone over your house?

For us in the beginning it was once big stress-filled thing -- especially since his parents are divorced and that meant one more house to visit!!! We would try to split it up, which turned into a nightmare!!! My sister and extended family live in Jersey and his mother lives in the Poconos, so we would spend half the day in Jersey and then rush home because his mother would come down and spend time with her, THEN rush over to see his father and other grandmother (who, thank God, live not far from us). After doing this for 2 years, we finally got wise last year and said it's my family on Christmas Eve and his on Christmas Day. We still split Easter, but only because it was in Astoria this past year. Thanksgiving was easy because his grandmother had it.

I'm kind of dreading this again because I feel like we never get to enjoy any meal or anytime spent w/anybody because we're constantly looking at the clock and dealing WITH TRAFFIC makes it even worse!!!!!!!!

My ideal would be to have everyone over our house, but Joe FLIPS over that saying where are we putting all these people -- he makes it sound like we live in a shoebox!!!!

Well since both our families live so far from one another we can't split the day (My parents are in FL and his are in Nantucket), so we just try to take turns each year.

Last year we spent Thanksgiving in Nantucket and Christmas in FL. And this year we are planning to stay in FL for Thanksgiving and go to Nantucket for Christmas. We were going to have Thanksgiving at our house this year but his parents can't make it because the flights are too expensive.

Well we have a pretty interesting solution too. Our families don't live very far apart.

His parents and my parents, brother and sister all live within a 5 mile proximity in Brooklyn and his sister lives about 1 mile from us (about 30 minutes from our families in Brooklyn).

We try to alternate Easter and Thanksgiving between our families.

For Christmas - since my family does the Italian Fish dinner, we have Christmas Eve at my Parents' house and then Christmas Day with my In-Laws.

This usually works out because his family doesn't even celebrate Christmas Eve.

As for hosting holidays:
Unfortunately, we can't have both families at the same time - it's about 30 people and we currently can't fit that many in our Dining room

We really believe in the traditional sit-down dinner so it's important for us to keep it small (by that I mean about 15 people). What we've tried to do is alternate hosting holidays for his family or mine (i.e. we host Easter for his family and Thanksgiving for mine)

The only problem with this is that we end up hosting almost every holiday for one family or the other. This prohibits us from visiting the other family on these holidays.

I guess there's no ideal solution.

We'll have to see what this year brings. We have Thanksgiving with my family this year but I don't think we're going to host. This way we can visit my in-laws for dessert.

I cannot participate in today's QOTD, I never host, we either go to my mom or we go to hubby's family. maybe when I grow up I will do some hosting. Hubby and I did it one year for Xmas and it was good. Hosting is a lot of work, I respect the ladies that do all the dishes all by themselves. When hubby and I hosted we made it sorta pot luck, but we did most of the cooking.

One thing I can say tho' is that I think hubby is unfair it seems as if he only wants to go to his family for Thanksgiving dinner every year. I told him it cannot be that way, I tell him we have to alternate.

Edited to add my Thanksgiving dilemma

I'm dreading this...it was the one issue we had during our pre-cana. To date, we've split the holidays. Our parents live around the corner from each other, so we'd run back and forth (with Al doing most of the running - he'd end up eating 2 meals to make everyone happy). We'd try to coordinate dinner & dessert but his mom would always run hours late and screw up the schedule.

I'm not doing that this year. I want to be in one place and just enjoy it. I'm willing to do Christmas Eve at one house and Christmas Day at the other, but I don't know how well that will go over.

I guess realistically its not gonna be easy. We'll probably still end up running around but no more double dinners!

It doesn't help that we live 3000 miles away so none of them see us very often.

My mom offered to invite my in-laws for the holidays but they didn't go for that. His parents are rather strange when it comes to social things and they're very strange when it comes to in-laws.

This is why we're not going to home to NY for Thanksgiving

This is already a problem for us. Not only are BOTH sets of our parents divorced so that we have 4 families to see, but my family lives on long island and his in Philadelphia. Last christmas day, we wound up spending morning at his moms in pa, afternoon at his dads, and then driving back home to NY in the evening. Not a fun way to spend the holidays

Oh Kim, I can TOTALLY sympathize with you!!!!! I'm used to going to one house and staying there, none of this watching the clock and running here there and everywhere!!!

We do X-mas at one house, X-Mas Eve at another. Last year I did Thanksgiving at my house, which ended up being the official face-to-face meeting between the families. I had a nice time (it was about 10 people total, which wasn't too crazy) & would definitely consider hosting it again. Easter is a toss up.

My MIL is not a big cook, in fact she's incredibly laid back about this kind of stuff. (Yes, I know how lucky I am!) And my Mom would love to have us over all the time, but she's understanding about our obligations. Plus, she's getting older too, so the stress of putting together a big dinners is getting rough.

My family is in Arizona, and Hubby's is here. For the past 3 years we've gone to Arizona for Christmas. That was always what I've done, and Hubby started joining me a few years before we were married. This year, my parents are coming here, to see our new home, so most of the celebrating will be at our house, our way. Hubby's already said that if his mother complains about the drive from Queens, then she doesn't have to come. (she won't come out on Sundays because of 'traffic' going home)

Holiday's used to be a big deal with his family, but his grandmother stopped doing anything after her husband died, and Hubby's mother goes for the easiest out since she worries that any stress or work will aggrevate her fibromyalgia. He really misses the big family events and we're the only ones with enough space to squeeze them all in, so we're going to go for it!

I'm excited about Christmas at our house, but know that I'll also really miss going to AZ because I haven't seen my new niece, born last April, or her older sister, who I haven't seen since last Christmas. However, my brother married a Jewish girl and they've agreed to raise the children in her faith, so they really downplay Christmas and unfortunately it's put a bit of a damper on family celebrations.

Thanksgiving is going to be about 24 people here, Christmas eve will be a big open house for friends and family, Christmas day will be here with my parents, and a nice dinner later in the day with some family, and New Years we're considering doing First Night in Sayville then coming back to our house. I'm exhausted already! Thank goodness I have those 2 weeks off from work!!!

I'm lazy, so this is copied and pasted from another thread on the NWR board .

Patrick usually works on the holidays, so I am accustomed to spending them with my family. Last year (our first married holiday season) his mom kept saying that even though he was working, I should still spend at least part of Christmas with his family. I didn't know what to do! I don't feel comfortable spending time with his family without him, and I have lots of relatives that I only see on Christmas. His family holiday gatherings include the same people we see all year. No rarely seen relatives. I wanted to cry because I felt like I was in such a hard position, and Patrick wasn't on my side, for the very first time EVER! In the end, I went to his mom's for dinner on Christmas Eve (missed out on the Italian Feast of 7 Fishes at my mom's which I look forward to EVERY year), and spent Christmas Day with my family. It was very uncomfortable for me to be without him at his parent's house, and I felt very alone. I WILL NOT do that this year. If Pat's off, we will do Christmas Eve with one family and Christmas Day with the other, but if he's working, I'm going to my mom's house, CASE CLOSED. I know how spoiled and selfish that makes me sound, but I was so sad to be away from my family on Christmas. His family is nice to me, but just not 'family' yet. Hopefully that will change.

We've also tried sharing a day, but 1 family always gets the short end of the stick, and you can never relax and enjoy yourself because you keep looking at your watch. It stinks.

Wow...seems like a lot of traveling going on here!

My problem with the holidays is that his mother is alone (divorced) and does not drive, and we are basically her only family that is nearby. MIL has a brother in Queens, but he has his own family stuff going on, and my husband's brother lives in CT and doesn't want to travel on a holiday. My family is in Buffalo and NJ. We basically had to spend every holiday with her, and she is not a good cook.

I hadn't spent a holiday with my family in ages, so I put my foot down and we spent last Thanksgiving in NJ at my sister's. He was so happy to have good food

I hosted Thanksgiving for his family one year, but my MIL had me in tears one hour before the meal by making nasty comments about the menu (traditional Thanksgiving) when she is used to an Italian meal. She refused to cook anything, by the way. I didn't win any points by yelling back at her that the Pilgrims didn't eat pasta.

Personally, I want my husband to myself for one day during Christmas. I think I may just have Christmas eve for us, with lots of romance, champagne and candlelight.

We alsterate holidays. But Xmas Eve we always go to my inlaws house, and Xmas we go to my parents. Easter...we alternate. Thanksgiving. Im FINALLY hosting it.

My parents are deceased so there isn't all the tugging for togetherness that you all experience.
I used to go to my Aunts house in NJ for xmas eve and day after my parents passed.
The first yr we were dating, we went to robs aunts house in the poconos..and had xmas eve dinner with all his fam and cousins (they celebrate xmas cuz his aunt is catholic- so rob has celebrated both holidays since he was little). The next morning we drove 3 hours to sthn NJ to be w/ my aunt and cousins. We had a nice time, but towards the end of the evening, it didn't seem like they were prepared to offer us lodging ( which they always did),..,I dont remember how I managed it but the point was brought up that we weren't going to drive another 2-1/2 to 3 hours to go home to bklyn that night...and so we slept over.
From that point on, pretty much, we did not go down to NJ to celebrate xmas...sometimes they had made alternate plans and we didn't know about them until a wk b4.

The way things work out now, we alternate xmas with robs sis ( lives in fla). Last yr they came to us...stayed at a close friends house for a day or 2 then the eve and 1/2 of xmas day with us.
This yr was our turn to go down to FLA but we wont be able to....what with the baby due just then!


SO, his sis and her hubby and 2 kids are up here this weekend- for my shower!!
(yay! for robs family- NONE of my family members can make it to the party. only 2 of them have legit reasons why- the rest of them are just as lame as they were for EVERY event I have put together)