TUESDAY 1/12 NWQOTD!!!!

Good morning girls!

I have so enjoyed reading your answers lately! I hope I've been doing an OK job with questions.

Onto today's question ...

Did your parents' relationship influence your relationship style in any way? What have you learned to do or not do in a relationship from them?

Mine did 100%. My parents split up when I was 10 - my dad cheated on my mother and moved out of our house and into his mistress'. 16 years later I still have not forgiven, nor forgotten, this. But instead of affecting me negatively I think it only fueled me to be 'good,' so to speak, in my relationship. I have strived my entire adult life to find someone stable and settle down and have a 'normal' life. I want to have a family and provide them with that stability that I lacked as a child. That is my largest goal in life. Along with this comes a 100% no cheating policy, which DH shares with me from being cheated on in the past. I would never, and I would have no tolerance for it being done to me. No ifs, ands or buts.

So in those ways, my parents' dysfunction has resulted in my functioning relationship. Many children of divorced parents will grow up to not believe in marriage or not trust a relationship to stick, but I had the opposite result. I work to prove that marriage and relationships can last, and can work.

My parents had a very strange relationship, which when I was younger I thought was normal because all my friends had single parent families so it seemed normal for what our situation was.

My parents never got married and they both lived seperate at their moms house, we lived with my mom at my grandma's house and my dad would come and go as he pleased. Every once in a while we would all go on vacation together, but I never wanted to go with all of them, so my brother and sister would go and I would stay home with my grandma. I guess at that age, I knew it was strange but didn't want to admit it.

When I was 16, we all ended up living together and my mom would cater to my father and I would yell at her. I had alot of resentment towards my father for things and felt that a man shouldn't be catered to and knew that I would never do that EVER.

This got very long, so yes, their craziness showed me what I never wanted to have in my life, I wanted a relationship that was going to be on the same level

Mine did, my parents are still happily married. They have been for 38 years and they are still very much in love. I have learned from them that its important to communicate, its ok to be mad, and you should laugh together. Being silly and childlike together is the key to keeping young love. Don't be jealous, my dad is a dirty old man and my mom never gets jealous because she trusts him, and because she trusts him he is trustworthy. And always say I love you, every night. There is so much more I have learned from them.

And everything I say about my in-laws, I have learned similar lessons from them, also married 38 years, and you can see in them how much they love each other in the way she takes such care of him in his illness and the way he needs to be around her.

We are very lucky to have two wonderful marriages influencing our lives.

definitely. when i was 2 and a 1/2 my biological father left after cheating on my mom and being a very dysfunctional human being. my mom raised us on her own, at first we had to see him every other weekend, there were visiting battles, etc... but after not too long.. i never really saw my biological father again. my mom met this guy when i was about 6. they are now married and he is who i consider my father. he raised us and completely took over the role of 'dad'. and i'm very happy about that. (he adopted us, we changed our last name when i was 12 and i call him my 'dad' now)

but my mom and dad now still have a pretty good relationship...i just view it as a little 1950s...like my mom caters to my dad, he never used to pitch in around the house, etc. things like that. since my mom was in the hospital though this past november, he's really changed and helps her a lot.

wow i'm rambling... i guess what i mean is all my varied past experiences have taught me: that marriage is a commitment that takes a lot of work and can be challenging but is worth the effort and more. i won't tolerate cheating (neither would DH), no drugs ever/ no excessive drinking either. .. not that we can't enjoy a few drinks etc, just that is something that comes from my biological father and his dysfunction and how it scarred me a bit. and finally, the BIGGEST way my mom and dad now have changed me is that i'm a very empowered kind of woman, it is 50/50 around the house, i don't cater to someone or put myself second, and i believe that DH has to take care of himself first as well. it all comes from that saying, you have to love yourself first. and finally, i want to have a stable life, that has a solid foundation, and one in which my future children can feel those feelings of calm and stable - things i've never been able to feel growing up. in DH i've found someone that seems to have been tailor made for me and i learn more and more how lucky i am (...and hey, he's lucky too!) :o)

I think they did. My parents met young. They have always been very real. They met at 20 & 22 and had me a year later. I think this made me feel like I wanted to get married, and have babies young. DH & I were engaged at 19. Didn't get married until 24, and a year later I am pregnant. I think seeing my parents married for the long haul has made me realize that if they could get through it all so can we. They raised a family with much less than DH & I have so that helps calm my nerves.
I think I have learned about conflict resolution from them. I remember being younger & they would be fighting about something, it would get heated, and then someone would do something to break the ice. Example: My mom would turn the sink hose on my dad. It would break the tension. He would get mad for a minute, and then try to retaliate. I think I do this w/ DH, if we are fighting one of use will just say or do something to stop it.

What wonderful and insightful answers so far, girls!

Keep them coming!

My parents have been married for almost 26 years now, so I was lucky enough to come from a home that wasn't broken, so that influenced me, because I would obviously want to do everything possible to make sure that my home never breaks apart. Even despite almost losing the house when we were younger and eating rice for days and strain they received on account of my dad's previous marriage. So I guess that taught me perserverence.

My grandparents marriage on the other hand....whoooboy. They've been married well over 50 years and hate each others guts, and it's a sick situation and that's taught me to know how to have the strength to call it quits if it ever gets to that point.

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Posted by julesrbf

Did your parents' relationship influence your relationship style in any way? What have you learned to do or not do in a relationship from them?

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Not really.

I know, I stink for not answering better....

I am such a different person around DH than I am with my parents or than they ever were around me. I guess I learned to be my own person from them, and that's worth a lot.

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Posted by springsandra

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Posted by julesrbf

Did your parents' relationship influence your relationship style in any way? What have you learned to do or not do in a relationship from them?

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Not really.

I know, I stink for not answering better....

I am such a different person around DH than I am with my parents or than they ever were around me. I guess I learned to be my own person from them, and that's worth a lot.

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You don't stink! First of all, it's just a QOTD and second of all, if that's what you learned then that is what you learned!

My parents have been married 36 years and still going strong. There is no perfect marriage. A marriage always has it's ups and downs. Of course you'll have arguments but who doesn't? My parents are very much in love still and are blessed with 3 great kids who honor and love them dearly!

I've learned from my parents to always communicate with your spouse and Never go to bed angry!!! I hope to have a loving, lasting marriage just like my parents! They are my heros and my mentors!!!

DH parents are divorced, and the only influence that had on our relationship is DH taking so LONG to ask me to marry him lol he didn't want to turn out like his parents