TUESDAY HA-HA's 2*8*11
okay, i'm gonna do the autocorrects first, to make up for yesterday...
then back to the norm.
(^ death by snu-snu!)
The submitter says, “I loved shooting my Grandpa’s wedding. I loved meeting my new family even more. That’s my new uncle, the only person who’s jumping in this picture.” Wow, is your new uncle available for bar and bat mitzvahs, as well or is he more of a full-time crazy wedding guy? Because he looks awesome. His jump style reminds me of Michael Jordan dunking.
The submitter says, “I had a destination wedding and realized that I forgot my something blue…the granola bar was the closest thing around.” I like this idea! There could be a whole line of products called Something Blue Sustenance for brides to eat before the ceremony. Kill two birds with one stone, that’s what I always say.
Aww, these ladies should be frolicking in a field with white horses or something, not cooped up in a drop-ceiling gymnasium. Are there basketball hoops and bleachers in that room? I certainly hope not. Although I wouldn’t mind watching a slammin’ b-ball game featuring the bridesmaids in those outfits. Suits versus Medieval Gowns!
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--
Before you resign yourself to the idea that your eyesight is failing, clean your windshield. And your computer screen. And your TV screen. You might be surprised. #LFMF
--
^ UM... one of my tattoos is from winnie the pooh.
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--
Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML
--
Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML
--
Today, I was on the phone to a guy I really like from work. We'd been talking for about 2 minutes, when he said he was getting another call, and put me on hold. I was so excited to be on the phone with him, it took me a whole 15 minutes to realise he had actually just hung up on me. FML
--
Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML
--
Today, I was walking to the shops when I saw my friend about 10 metres in front of me, waiting at the traffic lights, by herself. Jokingly, I shouted out 'Who's that really ugly person waiting at the lights?' The girl turned around. It wasn't my friend. FML
--
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted 'F*** you!' making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
--
Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML
--
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
--
Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML
--
Today, my husband sent an email invite to his family about our daughter's upcoming birthday. Upon reading the email, his aunt clicked 'reply all' while emailing her husband and said, 'I'd rather say we're out of town than see that dumb ***** our nephew calls his wife.' FML
--
Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML
--
Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my 'corpse'. FML
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--
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I was on top. Once we were done my boyfriend got up to take a shower. I noticed a big brown stain where my boyfriend had been. Apparently his ****** caused him to shiiit the bed. FML
![]()
--
Today, I found out that my mom screams like a dying monkey while having sex. Even with my music turned up all the way, I can still hear her through our paper thin walls. FML
--
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year old son comes in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML
--
Today, to enhance our sex life, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex in our local mall's parking lot. The feeling of getting caught is fun and exhilirating. Until you actually get caught. FML
--
(352):
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
--
(404):
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
--
(618):
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
--
(775):
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
--
(612):
She said 'don't make this weird' and then proceeded to sniff me.
--
(317):
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
--
(541):
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
--
(513):
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
--
(201):
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
--
^mmmmm
--
(603):
Dude, you face planted, there was no 'bar fight'.
--
(610):
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
--
enjoy![]()
then back to the norm.
(^ death by snu-snu!)
The submitter says, “I loved shooting my Grandpa’s wedding. I loved meeting my new family even more. That’s my new uncle, the only person who’s jumping in this picture.” Wow, is your new uncle available for bar and bat mitzvahs, as well or is he more of a full-time crazy wedding guy? Because he looks awesome. His jump style reminds me of Michael Jordan dunking.
The submitter says, “I had a destination wedding and realized that I forgot my something blue…the granola bar was the closest thing around.” I like this idea! There could be a whole line of products called Something Blue Sustenance for brides to eat before the ceremony. Kill two birds with one stone, that’s what I always say.
Aww, these ladies should be frolicking in a field with white horses or something, not cooped up in a drop-ceiling gymnasium. Are there basketball hoops and bleachers in that room? I certainly hope not. Although I wouldn’t mind watching a slammin’ b-ball game featuring the bridesmaids in those outfits. Suits versus Medieval Gowns!
--
Before you resign yourself to the idea that your eyesight is failing, clean your windshield. And your computer screen. And your TV screen. You might be surprised. #LFMF
--
^ UM... one of my tattoos is from winnie the pooh.
--
Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML
--
Today, I dropped my Xanax. It wasn't until after I washed it down with some water that I realized it was still on the floor and I had actually swallowed a pebble of cat litter. FML
--
Today, I was on the phone to a guy I really like from work. We'd been talking for about 2 minutes, when he said he was getting another call, and put me on hold. I was so excited to be on the phone with him, it took me a whole 15 minutes to realise he had actually just hung up on me. FML
--
Today, scarcely having time to look at myself, I quickly got dressed and went to work. Only when I got there and saw my reflection in the bathroom mirror did I notice that the colour and detail of my black lacy bra could easily be seen. I work for a construction company. Full of men. FML
--
Today, I was walking to the shops when I saw my friend about 10 metres in front of me, waiting at the traffic lights, by herself. Jokingly, I shouted out 'Who's that really ugly person waiting at the lights?' The girl turned around. It wasn't my friend. FML
--
Today, I was driving to work when I was almost hit by a teenage driver. I gave her the finger and shouted 'F*** you!' making sure that she heard me. I then saw my boss glaring at me from the passenger seat. FML
--
Today, I cried harder than I have in years. I was babysitting, and watching Pokémon to pass the time. It was the episode where Ash, Dawn, and Brock on the show went their separate ways, and may never be together again. FML
--
Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML
--
Today, my husband who asked for a divorce four days ago announced his engagement on Facebook. His new woman's profile picture is my engagement ring. FML
--
Today, my husband sent an email invite to his family about our daughter's upcoming birthday. Upon reading the email, his aunt clicked 'reply all' while emailing her husband and said, 'I'd rather say we're out of town than see that dumb ***** our nephew calls his wife.' FML
--
Today, while stocking shelves with canned goods, a kid no older than ten ran down the aisle, knocking down everything in his path. He was followed by his mother who was laughing hysterically. FML
--
Today, my boyfriend asked me to play dead so he could have sex with my 'corpse'. FML
--
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I was on top. Once we were done my boyfriend got up to take a shower. I noticed a big brown stain where my boyfriend had been. Apparently his ****** caused him to shiiit the bed. FML
--
Today, I found out that my mom screams like a dying monkey while having sex. Even with my music turned up all the way, I can still hear her through our paper thin walls. FML
--
Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I reached climax. While I was screaming, my 4 year old son comes in with his water gun because he thought I was in trouble. FML
--
Today, to enhance our sex life, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex in our local mall's parking lot. The feeling of getting caught is fun and exhilirating. Until you actually get caught. FML
--
(352):
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
--
(404):
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
--
(618):
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
--
(775):
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
--
(612):
She said 'don't make this weird' and then proceeded to sniff me.
--
(317):
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
--
(541):
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
--
(513):
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
--
(201):
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
--
^mmmmm
--
(603):
Dude, you face planted, there was no 'bar fight'.
--
(610):
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
--
enjoy
