Unreasonable before kids....

Is it totally unreasonable to say I want a house before we have a baby?
My husband told me I need to 'rethink my plans' because we're getting old (we're 28!) and he doesn't want to be an old parent. And he wants to quit his job and work for himself full-time so we can't afford a house anytime soon.
I also want to travel some before we have kids.
I'm not being unreasonable right, I think he is!

I agree with you about the house.
Children and everything that they need require so much space. It's important to be financially comfortable prior to having kids, too.

neither one is being 'unreasonable'..its just how you both feel and will take some adjustments and compromise.

i too want to have a house before we start ttc...so i know how that goes.


GL with all of this.

I feel the same as you do ... and we're 30!

We live in a very small 1 bedroom apartment. There is no way I want to bring a baby home to this place. And there is no shot in he!! I am going to deal with packing and moving with a little baby around, moving suckks enough as it is!!!!

i can see both of your points... but dont force yourself to start trying if you are not ready! im 29 and DH is 34..and we just started trying not too long ago.. you still have some time.. maybe wait a year and see where you are from there... the way the market is now.. maybe you will have a house by then!!

Sounds like you need to sit down and have a long talk with your DH and lay all your hopes, dreams and priorities on the table so you each fully understand the other's point of view.

That said, we got a house before we got married because we reached a point where our rent was going to go up (again) and we realized we could have a mortgage for the same amount or maybe even a little less and OWN what we were funneling so much money into. Buying a house requires a significant down payment, assuming you want to put money down to reduce your mortgage costs. Even if you're only putting 2-5% down, it's still multiple thousands of dollars. For me personally, I wanted to have the house before anything else happened that would be expensive (including the wedding!) so we could get the best house for the money we had. I think that's an important consideration. But I can also see things from your DH's point of view. It might just be that he doesn't understand that women are having kids perfectly safely well into their 30s-40s. Having him go to a doc appt with you might clear up some concerns if he has them.

Good luck!

Thanks Ladies.
We always talked about all this, he just suddenly changed his side of the plan and I am SOOOOOOO not ready yet, and unbelievably practical.
:)

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

neither one is being 'unreasonable'..its just how you both feel and will take some adjustments and compromise.

i too want to have a house before we start ttc...so i know how that goes.


GL with all of this.

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I agree with Jess-Dh says the same thing. He wnats the houe before kids BUT he doesnt wnat kids after age 35 for him and we're almost 6 years apart sooooo.... I am 27 now-he is 32. I do not see me finishing grad school, starting teaching, tenuring, buying our house and ready to have kids, in 3 years.

So we lock horns but like Jess said, just calm down, take a breath and figure out a compromise. If you love one another, you will work it out. I WOULD be wary of havign a kid if you're unsiure about finances though. Will working for himself be a guaranteed steady paycheck? That is something I would sit down and discuss cause baby needs to eat...and needs diapers, milk....clothes...

Definitely not unreasonable. DH says the same thing-he wants a house first. BUT if we wait to buy a house it will be another couple of years...so he has talked to a few people who now have houses and we both have agreed that we want to be looking to buy at least before we have kids.

ETA:Also, almost everyone I have talked to has also said that if you wait to have kids to do all the things you want to do you will never have kids

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Posted by Aug07OFCbride

neither one is being 'unreasonable'..its just how you both feel and will take some adjustments and compromise.

i too want to have a house before we start ttc...so i know how that goes.


GL with all of this.

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I agree, you are both in this together, so no one is being unreasonable. You just have different views. He needs to take your wants and needs into consideration and you, his.
Sounds like the two of you need to sit down and talk, come to ome sort of a comprimise. Good luck