Using your wedding as an ultamatium

One of DH's friend has been with this girl for almost 10 years. she has been giving this guy so many ultamatium's for getting a ring.. Christmas, her birthday. you get the picture. she even said if she doesn't have one by the time of our wedding she wouldn't come. well she was there. But there was a wedding that we were both invited to last weekend. Guess what did the same thing only this time she really didn't come (last minute).

How would you feel about that? i mean aren't you coming to celebrate my wedding? why couldn't she put aside your own problems & be happy for this couple. i am not sure how much this girl stiffed with the extra plate or if screwed up her table arrangements.

I feel bad for her that she is with this guy & DH told me her BF has no intention of getting married. but don't take it out on other people

She sounds desperate...and immature. If you are going to give an ultimatum then at least make it a good one and be prepared to deal with any outcome...including the fact that he may not come through and then cut your ties!!! As far as using someone' s wedding as an ultimatum, I would never put someone else's special day in jeopardy like that, but add to the list above selfish as well...maybe that's why he won't marry her...

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Posted by Songstress

That is very childish and immature. And who would wanna practically force someone to marry them. I would never have given DH an ultimatum to marry me. Thats something Id want him to do on his own. She's acting very immature.

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ITA
I can understand after that long wanting to know if marriage is even in the cards....BUT i wouldnt go about it that way

Sometimes people can't get past their own personal stuff and it is too painful for them to enjoy or take part in somebody else's happiness.
I am afraid if she attended I am sure she would not be much good company anyway. It was probably better off.

Also - unless you know for sure she stiffed the I wouldn't assume she did. Besides they always have a year to make it up.

On a separate note - ultimatums rarely work out - I personally feel like it is an insult to make one to someone. This is not the RED CROSS
I think this individual sounds like she could use some good therapy - and if the guy is having her hang on fully knowing her feelings.. than SHAME ON HIM TOO

She can't be flippin serious

Not attending other people's weddings after saying she would is just plain RUDE. If hope he took someone else and was able to enjoy & celebrate.

i think she is constantly reminded that they are the last ones not married. everybody is married and/or have kids.

i wouldn't want to force somebody to do something they don't want to. they are both are at fault. even though he told friends they are never getting married he has taken her 'ring shopping'. but so far no cigar!

it just gets tiresome of hearing the ultamatiums

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Posted by Dee0522

I can kinda sorta understand how she must feel... giogn to a wedding just reminds her that she ISN'T having one anytime soon and it brings all those feelings to the surface. It's hard to enjoy yourself and be happy for other people when you are miserable. But I agree with the others... to use someone else's wedding say as a 'deadline' is a little crazy. If she has been with this guy for 10 years, then she needs to sit him down and have a mature, adult conversation about their future and what they both want. If this guy really has no intention of getting married and he knows that's what she wants THIS badly, then why is he staying with her? This doesn't sound like it can end well!!

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yup. exactly

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Posted by carolinebr

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Posted by Dee0522

I can kinda sorta understand how she must feel... giogn to a wedding just reminds her that she ISN'T having one anytime soon and it brings all those feelings to the surface. It's hard to enjoy yourself and be happy for other people when you are miserable. But I agree with the others... to use someone else's wedding say as a 'deadline' is a little crazy. If she has been with this guy for 10 years, then she needs to sit him down and have a mature, adult conversation about their future and what they both want. If this guy really has no intention of getting married and he knows that's what she wants THIS badly, then why is he staying with her? This doesn't sound like it can end well!!

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yup. exactly

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I went through this myself and after awhile it really starts to hurt !! But I wouldnt not go to a wedding b/c of that but I was always sad at them

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Posted by roan126

I think I'd be more annoyed that she cancelled at the last minute and I had to pay for her plate. Unless she was someone who was close to me or DH, I dont think I'd care that so much that she missed the wedding.

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I kind of agree here...i guess it depends how she knew the person who was getting married. If she was more of an 'and guest' invite then I don't think it matters other then the fact there was an RSVP yes...

I waited over 6 years to get engaged. Although I never gave an ultimatum, I totally understand why someone would. It gets very hard after so long when you love someone. That being said I told myself I would never want to get married based on one....so i never did it...but like someone else said if you are going to give one then you better be sure you follow up and are prepared to cut yourself loose b/c empty ultimatums are even worse!

i feel bad for her. she is looking for any excuse to get her ring that she wants and she probably thinks that if she can upset her boyfriend enough he might do it, i am sure it was nothing against the couple getting married.

as my mom says, her man needs to either 'S hit or get off the pot!' it's not right leading her along like that... or to quote my mother again, 'Why buy the cow whenyou get the milk for free!'

tough situtation though