Vent Part II

Well as most of you may know, DH kids were left of to MIL house yesterday bc we are 'moving' while I am also studying for a 'final' for Monday. Anyways, she always told DH to take his kids, blah blah.

DH assumes she will help us in the sense that she might care for them when we may want to go out. Yeah Right is what I always tell him.

Well, she calls DH non stop this morning to pick up his kids bc she is too busy preparing for tonights dinner. (they are celebrating mother's day). I mean what she can't have them there watching tv while she cook? or take them with her to the supermarket? I'm like what the hell, this is the mom you expect to help you. Plus he is going to pick up his kids clothing and now will be taking them with him because dear MIL is too busy!

This is what I am worried about in regards to time for ourselves. I know his mom is not the perfect 'grandmother' that really cares so much for her grandchildren (certain action make me realize this). What also gets me mad is that she is the 1st person to expect me to be fine with what all is going on.

My mother claims that she won't be babysitting DH's kids because its not her responsibility, but I know if we really need her to bc we are doing something important (not partying) she will. She even suggested to watch his kids while he goes pick up their clothing.

I just get upset bc DH's mom always fakes the funk that she cares so much about them, but if it was my mom and she knew we were going through issues like this she would say fck mothers day, dinner (obviously not cause she would do all that with my kids) but she would make sure that I her daughter and her grandkids come first. And DH lives in this fairy tale world that his mom is really going help him with his kids.

Vent over...I will be going back to studying. This whole thing just threw my whole focus off.

How old are the kids??

I don't understand what the problem is. Are they really that bad that she can't make dinner with them around? I kind of doubt that. I feel so bad that you're going through this. I'm sure it's tough on EVERYONE in this situation, but I would at least hope that your dh's mom would be more willing to help. I can't say i'm surprised though. My grandmother was always the same way. When my mother got pregnant, the first thing my grandma told her was that she doesn't babysit. No congratulations, just that she's not that kind of grandma. Are you kidding me? And now she complains that we barely ever came over when we were little. Ummm... why do you think?? So some people are just not naturally nurturing like I think they should be.

And i totally get your mom. Mine would be the same way. If it's not YOUR grandchild, then you don't have that same love for them and willingness to sacrifice everything.

I think this is all just new & scary right now though. I hope that as time goes by, it gets easier and that your MIL helps you out and takes some responsibility for them. I'll be praying for you guys!!! Seriously.

what is your Dh saying or doing about all this? i don't know but this all seems too chaotic, something has to be done about this and soon. FOr the sake of the children also, i mean this is no way to grow up. At this point the mother doesn't seem to care that much, she seems like a mess and i think your DH has to step up and come up with a solution. He should want his kids to be in a better environment and to somehow resolve this. Whether its going to court, seeing a group therapist or something. Would it be nice if his mom watches the kids? yeah but i'll say its also not her responsibility, if she does it then great but she has no obligations to do so unfortunately. Doesn't mean im saying that it wouldn't be great if she did and im sure your dh would love the help but again if she is not going to do it then he has to do it himself.

Before this, did your DH have custody? Like when did he see his kids, was it every weekend, every other weekend, once a month?

I know you're upset but just curious what your Dh thinks about all this and what he is doing, if i missed a post about this sorry.

Life doesn't turn out as expected, just gotta figure out a way to make it work. Don't know why but this reminds me of my grandmothers situation a bit, i dont know how she did it but god bless her. My grandfather many many many years ago had an affair, had a baby with another woman. The woman he had an affair with, was in the house when her house went on fire and 75% of her body was burned, she was in the hospital for a very long time, had to have so many surgeries and obviously couldn't take care of her 1 year old child. My grandmother knew the child had no fault and took her in and raised her and raised her like her own. I am sure it wasn't easy, and like i said i have no clue how she did it, she is a better person than me bc not sure if i could do that, not in a situation like that with an affair involved. But she thinks of her as a daughter, my mom thinks of her as her sister. My aunt now has 2 kids and its my grandmother that watches them. The son is a teenager now and older but for example my aunt has a 5 year old daughter and my grandmother watches her all the time and adores this little girl and brings her so much happiness.

Just saying that i think most of us, and people in general have unexpected things happen in life. Hey even those of us with no kids in our lives whatsoever, can't go out every weekend. Would I love to? of course, do i keep saying i want this-YES!!!! but you do whatever you can.

However, with the way things are going for you now its not right or fair for anybody. it's not fair to you, or the kids. I kinda think that right now your DH has to really step up. He and the children's mother had this child and brought them into this world and have to take responsibility for this. They need to come up with something that makes everyone happy and is right for all. Until someone steps up and really fights to make things right, this will be a never ending cycle and i am sure this isn't what you want. If she needs to be threatened with child support, or not seeing them then thats what needs to be done. Seems like at this point there is nothing else you can do but take drastic measures