VENT - Update at bottom

MLAngelo Posted: Oct 09, 2009 10:38 AM

VENT - Update at bottom

I need to vent.

So July 27 was DH's birthday. That weekend we were going to the NJ shore one last time before the wedding. The week before I talked to his mom and we decided I would bring the cake and she would come down with my FIL (its less then a hour from their house) and we would have a birthday dinner with his extended family whose shore house is two down. So we get down there Fri. Sat his brother comes down and informs us their parents are not coming, so much for our plans. I spend all weekend trying to get the family who is there to recognize his birthday and finally I get BIL to take the cake out on his cousin's pontoon boat and were eating chocolate mousse cake as it melts in the middle of the bay. That was his celebration.

Fast forward to Sept. His little brother turns 24 and we have to leave the shore early on the only gorgeous day of the weekend, drive up to his parents for a birthday party. MIL cooked a beautiful dinner with multiple entrees. They have two cakes for him. Everyone in his family comes and brings gifts.

Now this weekend is FIL and the middle brother's birthday. We have to go to NJ Sat night to go out to the restaurant of BIL's choice. He chose a restaurant that is 40 minutes South of their house (almost Philli) to celebrate. We are going at 8pm and DH and I have to come back to LI that night because we have long standing plans for Sunday. We are not really celebrating FIL's birthday because he has IVIG treatments all week and won't be up for it and their is a chance his father won't be able to even come. But MIL was yelling at DH insisting we be there.

Now why is DH's birthday the only one thats not important when he is the son who does the most for everyone? Why do we have to kill ourselves to go to his brothers birthday (he's 26, its not a milestone birthday) when he didn't even call DH on his and didn't come to our e-party because he coudn't get off work. He manages a Chevys, come on.

I am so aggravated and really do not want to go tomorrow.

Sorry for the vent. Thanks for listening. I am so mad about this.

LadyDuda81509 Posted: Oct 09, 2009 11:10 AM

Re: VENT

yeah that would totally annoy me too!!

well is good that your DH has you to celebrate with!!!!
next year you go all out and INSIST they all be there!

MLAngelo Posted: Oct 09, 2009 11:20 AM

Re: VENT

Next year is his 30th, they better be there.

Cassie15 Posted: Oct 09, 2009 11:40 AM

Re: VENT

I'm speaking from experience with my own in-laws. Sometimes I learn that you have to put your foot down when enough is enough. I know you may not want to complicate DH's relationship with his parents as well as your in-laws. However, if you don't have that talk with them, they will always have expectations from the both of you whether it's dinners, birthday celebrations, holidays, etc. The same thing happened to us time again and again. Until, I finally had that talk with my in-law, it felt like I can finally breathe easier. I explained although we would love to be there for family dinners, etc. we can't always make it due to work, prior plans, travel (esp if I don't have the car, train ride is almost 2 hrs. to their place in bklyn). If it's really out of your way and you won't be able to make it, def let your in-laws know and don't overwhelm yourself if it is not something important like a wedding, retirement dinner, etc. Best of luck!

Tomlaur0808 Posted: Oct 10, 2009 02:00 AM

Re: VENT

Im so sorry you had to go through this Michelle... Family can be really eff-d up sometimes - the really sad & scary part about things like this is that people like MIL has been that wasy for so long she doesnt even realize what she is doing & that it's SOOOOOOOO wrong! Sending lots of hugs your way to get you through this!

alli3131 Posted: Oct 10, 2009 08:38 AM

Re: VENT

It might be because of all the wedding things for you and DH. My birthday was the day after our wedding so it came and went this year without even a Happy Birthday....but I Knew this would happen. DH's birthday was a month after our wedding.....he got phone calls but really it was again close to our wedding we couldn't expect people to do much since we just had the biggest party of our lives.

I would just chalk it up to being a busy time celebrating your wedding and move on.

KittyGags Posted: Oct 10, 2009 08:52 AM

Re: VENT

Sounds like your hubby should be sick tonight!

MLAngelo Posted: Oct 11, 2009 09:53 AM

Re: VENT

So we went to NJ yesterday and at about 5pm we all drove the 50 minutes South the Charlie's Other Brother, a restaurant that was the sister restaurant to the first place Jonathan (BIL) worked that is no longer open. I get why he wanted to go there, and the food and atmosphere are good, but not a 50 minute drive good. DH wanted to stop and get Jon lotto tickets, to which I reminded him that he didn't even get a phone call from Jon on his birthday.

But after dinner we went out with my two BILs and their GFs and it was probably the most fun I have ever had with them. I like their GFs and had fun with both of them. Justin's GF I know well, but Jon's I never spent much time with. So it was nice.

Still annoyed but at least we had a good time.

But they better celebrate DH's 30th.

springsandra Posted: Oct 11, 2009 09:23 PM

Re: VENT - Update at bottom

Glad to hear things turned around and you had fun!

MrsDrinkh20 Posted: Oct 11, 2009 09:31 PM

Re: VENT - Update at bottom

Oh my goodness I so hear you....we have the same issue in our family. Our birthdays (which are 5 days apart) werent even celebrated but we celebrate the other siblings birthdays with dinners out, birthday cake, gifts the whole nine!! I'm sorry you had to deal with this.

I'm glad you had a good time though!

sophisticat13 Posted: Oct 12, 2009 12:39 AM

Re: VENT - Update at bottom

Posted by MLAngelo

So we went to NJ yesterday and at about 5pm we all drove the 50 minutes South the Charlie's Other Brother, a restaurant that was the sister restaurant to the first place Jonathan (BIL) worked that is no longer open. I get why he wanted to go there, and the food and atmosphere are good, but not a 50 minute drive good. DH wanted to stop and get Jon lotto tickets, to which I reminded him that he didn't even get a phone call from Jon on his birthday.

But after dinner we went out with my two BILs and their GFs and it was probably the most fun I have ever had with them. I like their GFs and had fun with both of them. Justin's GF I know well, but Jon's I never spent much time with. So it was nice.

Still annoyed but at least we had a good time.

But they better celebrate DH's 30th.

So glad things turned out well!!!!

JMO....I hope you don't mind...but I wouldn't leave anything to chance with them as far as DH's 30th...I would plan a surprise party for him yourself so he isn't let down, KWIM? Sorry you might have to think that way but I have found it's always better to be proactive when ppl have disappointed you in the past.