LIWeddings.com
Post New Topic

Vent...has anyone else dealt with this?? UPDATE at the botom!

dolphinlover83 Posted:

Vent...has anyone else dealt with this?? UPDATE at the botom!

Since we've been married, DH and I have been very good with money and most decision making. We try to always talk to one another before buying pricier items even if it is for both of us. But today he crossed that line...

He comes home from work telling me he found a deal online and wants to get it. He shows it to me and it's a GPS. Now he bought me a GPS probably a little over a year ago and it's been sitting in the house except when we go on vaca. So I get mad and tell him he doesn't need it ($125) and he tells me he wants his own! I tell him he can have mine, and he says it's not 'his.' So I storm off and guess what he does...yup, he orders it! He's also been talking about buying a new comp because his is 3 yrs old (works great though!). And he has been talking about buying a new car since the winter since he wants a sports car. I knew about his car interest and expected that and can deal with it...but I find it more offensive to just go order the GPS knowing we have one just because he wants one and knowing how I don't agree with it! He just keeps saying that I don't control the money and I can't tell him what he can or cannot buy! Part of me wants to go buy something super expensive but that's just spiteful since I've never bought anything for myself unless I needed it, so I know I won't do it.

Has anyone had this before and if so, how do you deal with it?? I'm really frustrated and upset because I totally feel betrayed and even asked if he's going to start doing things behind my back now, since this was no big deal for him. He of course says no saying this wasn't behind my back!!!!!! I really am just so upset and need to vent and maybe hear from girls who may have experienced the same thing!

Thanks!
miamimerger Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this??

Hmm, I don't know how I'd feel. If it was my DH, I wouldn't think it's a big deal because I know how he is about his electronics. Also, along with our joint accounts, we both have our own personal accounts. I would be annoyed though if he took it out of our joint account after I just said I didn't want him to get another one. Having our own personal accounts definitely helps from having arguments like this though!

EmiNoa628 Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this??

Honeslty I've learned that I cannot control DH's spending decision. He doesnt spend our money.. So if he wants to get something I will not get upset. BUT!!!! You DH made a childish move! If you already have one why buuy another... Now I would throw it in his face that thats immature and talk about the expenses. Finances are a big deal in any relationship. Compromising specially when living together and spending $$$ is very IMPORTANT. Just communicate and don't go spend money to show him its ok! Just wait for the GPS and return it!
AugustBridein09 Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this??

During wedding planning DH bought a toy helicopter...it was like $85. At first I was like 'What?!?!!?!' But then we acutally played with it together and it was fun.....then like a month later he never touched it and we ended up giving it away to one of my cousins.

The point of my story is the same way we would go out and really want something i.e. a handbag or pair of shoes that we really might not NEED but WANT, they have the same desires. I wouldn't be mad there are bigger issues and problems than him going and buying a gps. JMO
FuTuRe MrS MaZz Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this??

Just wanted to tell you that most guys are going to go out and buy whatever they want regardless of how we feel... Its just what they do... Dh has done it plenty of times... I talk to him every other day about him and his expensive lunches everyday but he doesnt listen to me... He just doesnt see things the way i do... But hes his own person and ultimately makes decisions for himself... Our bills are being paid, we're not in debt, and not struggling so eh whatever... I can live with it for now... choose your battles wisely Men and their toys is like a lost cause for us women
dolphinlover83 Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this??

Thanks ladies!

I know the whole 'boys and their toys' saying but it's just frustrating because I don't know the drive behind it. I don't know if it's because he never really got gifts as a child and this is freedom now (he did and still does gets t-shirts, underwear and socks for birthdays and Christmas). I guess it just doesn't make sense to me since I don't go out and just buy things for myself, I wait for a holiday or birthday.

If there was a reason and he just explained it to me, rather than 'I just want it' it might be less frustrating!! Grrr!!!

I just have to keep telling myself it's all about learning new things about each other every day since getting married since we never lived with each other before...

Thanks again, ladies!!!
StaceyWill Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this??

My DH would buy something new every week if I didn’t stop him. I remember one time where he HAD to have Guitar Hero or Rock Band (I can’t remember which one) and so $200 later, he played it for about a week and now the drum set is a towel rack in our bedroom. He does still buy things every now and then, but if it’s waaaaaay unnecessary and expensive I say no and try to explain to him why he doesn’t need it and for the most part, he listens. He is clearly the “shopper” in our relationship.
Iluvpoodles Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this??

I wouldn't make a big deal about it. My DH loves electronics too and wanted to buy a new computer, gps, all stuff unneeded and we discussed it and his idea went out the window. If it was something that cost a couple of hundred, I'd make a big deal then.

christine2010 Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this??

DH & I discuss all purchases that we make. We also have a general rule that when purchasing something new we have to throw something old out.

We also have numerous bank accounts. We each have our own checking & savings accounts & 1 joint account. If either of us spend money out of the joint account the other one is notified immediattly.
geegee827 Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this??

DH and I keep our money separate so we don't deal with this. Don't get me wrong, we still fight over 'joint' purchases but our individual purchases come out of our individuval accounts. It saves a lot of headaches.

FutureCap Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this??

DH used to go to so many Met's games and was always buying tickets... when I bought the house and he knew it would be ours we had a talk and he calmed down a bit. I make more money than him so I think now he knows we talk about buying most things that fall into the 'fun toy' category! Now instead of met's games we do more concets... since I actually enjoy those too!

MikesBride2B Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this??

Honestly, this is why DH and I have our own personal accounts as well as a joint account...that way I don't get upset when he spends his money stupidly (like $40 universal remote controls ) and he doesn't get upset when I buy tons of shoes.

I don't think its right what your DH did and I would be pi$$ed as hell if DH spent money out of our joint account on something I had already said no to.
dolphinlover83 Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this??

yeah, we don't have separate accounts, we joined it all together.

His rebuttal to this whole thing is that I don't control the money and he has never said I can't buy something, but he just happens to 'forget' when I look at something small and only a few bucks, he says 'do you really need that?' Apparently it doesn't work both ways, but he feels that I'm taking too much control of everything and therefore, it seems like this was his way of proving to himself and maybe even me that he still has control. Ugh...

I can let this go, but it better not start getting worse....

Let's see how today goes when he gets home....
dolphinlover83 Posted:

Re: Vent...has anyone else dealt with this?? UPDATE!!

So I was told yesterday (Tuesday) that he didn't buy his GPS and he just told me that to see my reaction. So of course, I'm quite happy inside seeing that he will not just do what he wants...but of course, I did get on his case about lying to me...

This also opened up a really good convo between us.

Thanks ladies for all of your support and help!!! You're the best

Reply to this topic

Log in to reply or quote a post.