Back in February, I cut all my hair off. I had beautiful, long dark hair but I was just so sick of it...wanted something new. I had never had it any other way. I got it cut like a longish layer bob, but it was definitely short - a good 4 inches above my shoulders.
Well my husband hated it. Like BADLY. He was extremely mad..wouldnt' even talk to me for a day. It was ridiculous and of course made me feel really badly. He continued hating it and has never let me forget it. This is a major point of contention for us and I still cannot believe how he has and is behaving. Anyway....as time went on I started to not like it. More than likely because he constantly has something to say - whatever the case is, I want to grow it, but it's taking a long time. In the meantime, I go to get the front shaped, get it blown out, etc. Never touch the length. Well I just got home from a salon visit, and they cut some layers in to frame my face a little, and I had it blown pin straight, and I felt really good. I came home and bumped into my husband, who looked at me, raised ONE eyebrow which I HATE, and said - 'looks like you got it cut', and I said 'I didn't' and he just said 'whatever' and smirked and left.
I am so upset. I wonder if it has ever occurred to him that I dont' like my hair either and I am trying to make the best of it? Or has he thought that maybe being 5 months pregnant, gaining a pound a day that I might need a 'your hair looks nice'? I mean LIE if you have to. Would it kill him to just LET IT GO?!? Sometimes I just think how unfair he can be...
It will blow over. Thanks for letting me vent.
stacedz
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
I don't quite get the men and LOVING LONG HAIR deal either. My MOH's husband hates when her hair is short and he has alopecia!! He doesn't know what it is like to have it. I like Lisa's theory, the fear of them losing it. My husband likes my hair long too but it just doesn't look good long and it is hair and it grows back, so I do as I please.
I think what your husband said was quite hurtful, preggo or not, but I bet it looks great!!
ChristineC68
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
Jenny & Trish
That's terrible that your husband's could make you feel that way.
My DH is the opposite, he wants me to cut it shorter and I hate it! go figure
michele31
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
I look at it this way- my hair is mine and he didn't marry me for my hair cut so he should not hurt my feelings because of it. I think this is very unfair Jenny. You deserve better. Tell him that his actions have truly hurt your feelings. I am sure that there are times in ALL of our lives where we want to try new things with our hair style or clothes or makeup. You should have the freedom to do so. I bet I would think you look beautiful!!!
Helene718
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
It really sounds like he is being unfair to you. You should talk to him and tell him how hurt you are. DH does the same thing to me. I grew my hair for the wedding and now I just want to chop it off. It is just too long and it doesn't look good at all. I know he would be so upset if I did though. What is with these men and long hair?
jenny11.9
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
I took all your GREAT advice, and though I don't feel I got through 100% he definitely knows that I was hurt. He just keeps saying 'I loved it so much long' - like some kind of robot stuck in program mode. But agrees to stop harping on it. It feels like it's somthing kind of between us permanently. I simply cannot understand allowing that much importance on a physical attribute.
Thanks so much for your heartfelt responses! I know I am always beautiful somewhere cause of you ladies!!
christine1221
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
jenny .... sounds like you're working to resolve the situation, but I wanted to send you some anyway.
I feel very bad reading this. No one should make you feel this bad about how you look ... and I agree being preggie you need EXTRA SUPPORT now, not criticism!!! (not that its acceptable at anytime, but so much of how we feel about things now is tied into our changing bodies). I think you were brave to cut off your hair & update your style & good for you that you did!!
When someone loves you they consider YOUR feelings more than their own. He's been very selfish, inconsiderate & hurtful to make such a huge issue out of nothing. I hope this comes to a resolution & that you'll feel better.
natasha
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
The other ladies are right -- he needs to know his behavior is unacceptable. I just wanted to send you some hugs
Cira
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
Same here Jenny ... just some hugs .
Also ... I think you look great ... in your preggo shot, your hair was shorter. I don't think your husband realized that he was hurting your feelings. So I am glad you spoke with him ... hopefully, his attitude will change.
VickiC
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
for you Jenny & Trish.
Jenny, I'm glad you guys are coming to an understanding. I hope he finally realizes that it's not about him - it's about you!
NovemberSue
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
I would talk to him and let him know that his comments are hurting you. I'm sure you doesn't even realize his teasing is making you feel so bad. I'm sure you look great.
dkga1026
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
Jenny, I also know how it feels to be gaining a pound a day and the importance of compliments at this point our lives!! I am sure your hubby will cool it now that you've spoken to him.
Nora101004
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
I was reading the post, and I said to myself, Self, I don't remember writing this. I didn't cut as much or as short as yours but my FH feels the same way. It hurts. My mom says, how short is his hair? I just threaten to cut more off each time and color it red'der. MEN!
Sonicstef
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
That is absolutely unacceptable behavior. Pregnant or not - its a husbands job to make his wife feel beautiful no matter what. Im sure there are times when you stroke his ego b/c you know it would hurt his feeling if you were brutally honest about something - so its time he learns that its a two way street.
Tell him about it and do it now! He needs to know that he upset you and that you deserve better (and you will demand it if necessary)
Ouch, that sounded very Nazi like - hahahah
shamma
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
ouch Stef, just read your response. You tell him. Jen did you take any pix of the new do?? I would love to see it. I love short hair. Roger and I used to go to the barber together, we both had the same haircut. I loved it. Ease, ease and more ease
jlf41
Posted:
Member since
Re: venting and saddish
Jenny I am glad you spoke to your DH about your feelings. Regardless of what it is that is making you feel bad, don't keep it in. I speak from experience and understand that sometimes it just seems easier to let it go and not make an issue. It will just fester and fester until some time goes by and it starts to fade- you begin to feel better and wonder why you were ever upset in the first place. Then WHAM - something else happens and it brings up all of the old stuff that you never addressed and this time it feels even worse because the old wound never really healed. Believe me, this was a problem for me for a long time- I would just let the little issues pass by, not wanting to rock the boat and in the end, that strategy is terrible! Good for you for talking, even if he didn't get it 100% at least the issue is out there and you are not dealing with it alone.
