Want to write a review but feel bad I can't rave like most? Am I the only one?
Posted by MLAngelo
You also just finished it all... give it some time. When all the stress wears off and your left with the memories and photos you might feel different. the more time that passes the more they appreciate the day they had. For now focus on the end result.
I stumbled across another bride's recent post about feeling lousy that her wedding day wasn't the BEST day of her life. I enjoyed my day. I really did. It was truly beautiful and nothing major went wrong. Thing is, I want to write a review but I can't seem to come to grips with some parts where I feel angry or disappointed so it is ruining my memory of the day. It doesn't help to read these reviews about how great vendors were and how everything went perfect from other brides. BTW, I don't think every bride on here is writing a review. Also, I think it's dangerous to expect perfection or something so 'over the top' leaving no room for anything but disappointment. That is why I am taking the advice of MLAngelo (above) who made the point that as time passes, I'll appreciate the day more. So here is my anti-review for now-just to get it off my chest. Sorry to sound negative and unappreciative but I need to rant.
My story
I got married May 29, 2010. I am a late bloomer and a young 40-something never married, no kids. I had your normal wedding with a large bridal party. However, I find myself comparing now to other brides and their raving reviews and as they say, 'Compare, Despair'.
Everything was beautiful and for the most part, everything went fine, no major problems. I was oddly calm but I think that happens to me for big moments sorta like being in shock. I kinda floated thru the day like a dream. Problem is, esp when you plan for a long time, the expectation level is soooo high, there's almost no way to go but down. And, the pressure to feel like it's your BEST DAY ever, is not realistic. There are so many days in your life, even some odd, nothing days where you happen to be in a good mood or something spontaneous happens and you always have fond memories of that particular day. It really is one random day out of your life and not a fairy tale, perfect event. I had to remember it's truly about getting married to FH and while I had fun for months planning, I finally started getting stressed over the details and sick of the planning and anticipation. By the end, I was kinda glad for it to be over so I can move on and plan other things for our future.
For me, I was so excited, such a girly girl with all this stuff but I happened to be unemployed in a dreadful economy and between FH and I, we only have my mother to help pay and she is 78 yrs old. So without much money and high expectations, I cut corners and I guess that's where I see differences. Not sure if reading other bride's reviews are helpful as they seem to be able to afford so many little things that I just couldn't and yet we spent a lot of money.
Photographer
I loved my photographer but she's only been doing this for 4 years which I found out afterwards. Everyone on here luvs her and recommended her plus I liked her gallery. Photography is my hobby so I know a little something and can see where better shots could have been taken plus I can see other's photographer's work on this site. She does good work and is a wonderful person and I plan on writing a good review but the brides she's worked with RAVE and I can't do that so it makes me feel bad. I feel bad writing anything negative about any vendor that truly tried and did their best but I really don't want other brides to make the same mistakes and I'm not about to fake it. I've learned a lot and want to pass it on but hate to be negative. So again, wondering if I should bother writing a review?
DJ
Another gripe, I didn't make it clear enough to the DJ about MUST PLAY songs. I am sooooooo disappointed as I can't believe certain family songs and personal favorites weren't played.
Limo
While the limo drivers were nice overall, the limo company never called to confirm so we wound up with a $400 balance the day of the wedding. It was thru an 'all wedding vendors under one roof' so the lack of direct contact was the mix up there. Who remembers the 20% tip was in the contract and then the overtime and sales charge? We didn't hire them directly. Anyhow, the limo picked up FH at the hotel and the first thing he told FH was that he owed $400. Then, while I was waiting in the limo and before walking down the aisle, the guy popped his head in and told me the same thing. I was stumped but had no choice but to shrug it off until after the ceremony to deal. On the way down the aisle as a married couple, both drivers buzzed around us like vultures for this extra $400. Luckily I put aside for the over time I knew about and FH had some cash in his wallet. We paid and went on with our day as there was no reason to let it ruin things. But still, I am annoyed and I think rightfully so.
Wedding Dress
All my life I was a size 8 or at times even a 4. Really don't think it's cuz I'm older, maybe partly, but I am on medication that put 50 lbs on me these past few years and I really can't seem to diet or exercise to get it off. I tried but it's hard. Then my mom wound up in the hospital with congestive heart failure 3 weeks prior to my wedding. Luckily, she was fine for my wedding day but it freaked me out earlier that month. My knee was out of whack so I had to stop going to the gym 2 months prior so I just accepted it and said 'F' it. Most brides on here are prob younger and very thin and then there's me with thick arms and a double chin and ughhhh! I loved my dress but I'm not sure it was flattering to my body/waist and, why is every dress strapless!!!!!! I luv cap sleeves so I had my dress modified and added caps but the back was horrible and while I wanted to say something, the seamstress was shutting me up as it was a week before my wedding and all I heard was how busy they were and that it was too late to make changes. I went home wondering if I should say something before I regret it but I didn't and now I regret it. First the material and color didn't match as I'd would have liked. I hated the back. Then the cap sleeves tore during the garden formals so I snipped if off at the CH for a different look and to feel less restricted but then my dress was slipping down as if was altered to fit WITH the caps. I am horrified that no one told me how much my corset/bra was showing at the reception which I found out recently when I got back my pro wedding pics. The photographer took so many pics and close ups without telling me to pin it up nor did anyone else tell me. What were people thinking? I found out afterwards that guests didn't want to mention the bra showing so as to not embarrass me. Then, when I got out of my shoes into flats the dress was too long so I tripped over my dress the rest of the night. My bustle broke and that was an extra pain. I wanted a comfortable yet pretty, 'end of night' reception dress which everyone talked me out of cuz it wasn't 'practical' and 'too much money' and I should have listened to my gut. That's what I learned from this wedding. To go with my gut feeling and since then it has worked out every time.
Another thing in the world of bridal fashion is that the European dress sizing is two or three sizes bigger. As a size 14, I think my dress was ordered as a size 20! Then I had to bear trying on sample size 10 dresses that didn't fit me while most other brides were thin, young brides trotting about comfortably.I hated how the seamstress pinned down the front to make it look like a sweetheart neckline. My boobs looked like they were falling out all night.
Wish I could look at my wedding photos and feel pretty but I don't. I also think it's a matter of perspective. If you aren't feeling good about yourself, in my case I never dreamed I'd be a fat bride, it's hard to be thrilled! I have a friend who was 5 months pregnant and walking down the aisle. She doesn't have the fondest memories of feeling pretty either.
Venue-bridal attendant and cake
Another gripe that is not beneficial to being on this site at times is that I hear about other brides from the same venue who got things I didn't because apparently they bitched. My bridal attendant wasn't so attentive that I feel the need to rave? I barely knew what she looked like and had she been so attentive, my bra wouldn't have been showing, right? :) The cake came with the venue but one bride got her cake with 2 extra tiers and fondant for no extra charge. My cake was a bit lop sided and they smoothed out the buttercream to make it look like fondant which it doesn't so it winds up looking like wet paint. It was pretty enough so I didn't let it bug me too much. But afterwards, to find out I could have had fondant if I bitched too, well that's annoying to hear. And I always love the wedding cake and was excited about it.
Shopping for undergarments and other stuff
I also didn't feel all that catered to as a bride. I went shopping for my corset and some bold, older, loud mouthed lady came in and they were short of help, so I wound up standing around naked in the dressing room not getting attended to. Once again I wound up struggling between not wanting to be a ***** nor an *** for being too nice. I figured maybe I was watching too many bridal shows where it's like no other bride ever existed. Again, I think money talks and I had to be conservative with my money. Also, the squeaky wheel gets the oil and I was very conscious about not being a bridezilla.
The End Result
Guess I'll give it some time to get over the minor disappointments that seem to be taking over my wonderful day and the fact that I married a great man, had the most beautiful weather ever with flowers and all my closest family and friends came from far and wide to be there. Still, a girl's wedding day sits in her mind like a Disney flick for all her life and if you are fanciful like me and are going to compare your day to others, you'll likely fall victim to some disappointment and feeling gypped. Maybe I'll give it some time so I can forget the minor aggravations and appreciate the day for how wonderful it truly was after all. And then maybe, I can sit down and write a review that I am excited about.
Thanks for listening
