This one's a doozy - so stay with me & I REALLY appreciate your input....
Dave's best friend, let's call him Matt. Matt got married a month ago, in Nova Scotia. We went to the wedding, naturally, as Dave was in the BP. That trip cost us roughly $1,800 once all was said and done. Needless to say, they did not get a gift, but we gave them a card.
They are now having their NJ wedding, tomorrow & we're unsure as to what to give them. I looked back, and for our Long Island wedding (they live in NJ, near us), they gave us $400.00. The only cost he incurred during the planning of our wedding was splitting the cost of the bachelor party with everyone who went & the suit rental.
What do we give them for tomorrow?? I'm inclined to say $300, because we spent EVERY LAST PENNY we had to go to their last wedding...
We are a VERY generous couple overall with ALL of our friends (for birthdays, and just everday overall), but this is just at a very bad time for us. Their wedding really, really hurt our finances & we have had to cancel our 'dream honeymoon' because we have finally faced reality that we can't afford it.
I know it's not all about the money....but I just don't want to hurt their feelings... What are your thoughts???
apriladam9206
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
Give them what you can afford.. I'm sure they were very grateful that you were there to share the wedding in Nova Scotia and they know that it wasn't cheap.
Don't strap yourself so you can keep up with the Jones'
dimples092907
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
Personally I would give them what they gave us, but if financially you can't, then $250-$300 is definitely more than enough. Do what you can do, people understand that any amount is appreciated.
PegaLega
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
Give them what you can afford, Im sure they would understand since you traveled to their wedding in Nova Scotia and they know it cost you-any gift would/should be appreciated
mbg1007
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
I dont know if Im the only one thinking this but if you spent that much to go to their Novia Scoita wedding only one month ago, i dont think youre obligated at all to give a gift at their second wedding one month later. .
MayWeddingGrl
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
since you went to their destination wedding I don't think you should feel obligated to give them a gift for their local wedding. give what you can afford, even if thats $100. seriously in the end, you would hope they would understand.
davenjess
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
thank you all girls - when i get home - i told dave i'll pull up the votes & show him what you all said!
MJDoc12
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
Posted by mbg1007
I dont know if Im the only one thinking this but if you spent that much to go to their Novia Scoita wedding only one month ago, i dont think youre obligated at all to give a gift at their second wedding one month later. .
ITA
you already did one wedding and have to pay up for the second wedding? considering the costs involved...i don't think you should HAVE to give something
but if you absolutely had to--i would give the min. i could afford. you shouldn't break the bank to attend 2 weddings for the same people.
HeatherRose
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
your very generous to have spent 1800!! I really don't think its REQUIRED to give anything more. if you attended and really can't bring yourself to walk in empty haned though a small presnt off their registry will do but I wouldn't spend more then 200. (i'm only saying this b/c you say money is tight, if it wasn't I would give whatever you would normally give at a wedding)
davenjess
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
Posted by HeatherRose
your very generous to have spent 1800!! I really don't think its REQUIRED to give anything more. if you attended and really can't bring yourself to walk in empty haned though a small presnt off their registry will do but I wouldn't spend more then 200. (i'm only saying this b/c you say money is tight, if it wasn't I would give whatever you would normally give at a wedding)
that's how much it cost us to get there, stay at the hotel, rent his suit, pay for a rental car and gas, etc...
(yes - i'm still a little bitter about it, we really needed that money to be a down payment on a car for Dave)
TJ22908
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
I honestly don't think you even need to spend $200 on a gift if you already spent so much to go to the 1st wedding. I don't think they should be expecting anything from you guys so if you give them something it should be really appreciated!
MushesGirl
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
Posted by apriladam9206
Give them what you can afford.. I'm sure they were very grateful that you were there to share the wedding in Nova Scotia and they know that it wasn't cheap.
Don't strap yourself so you can keep up with the Jones'
i couldnt agree more. well said.
i had a similar situation where a friend of mine ( a guy) got married on LI, dh(then bf) and i went to the wedding and gave a gift. then they had a south african wedding that only i went to, the airfare was 1500 and i stayed at his mom's so no hotel cost. however i didnt give another gift at the south african wedding, i gave like 'gag' gifts: a book on different types of pot (LOL he was a big smoker), nipple covers for her and some other stupid thing. but no more cash.
LauraD419
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
I voted for 200 at the very most. You spent a lot of money on their first wedding, you are not obligated to give them anything else and they should understand that.
We had family come in from Colorado and we know it was A LOT for them financially. They did not give us a gift but I was touched that they spent so much money to fly across the country and spend our day with us. That was the best gift of all...being with our families. JMO
davenjess
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
thank you so much girls - really....this poll was the first time dave ever sat down & read word for word what you all had to say... he was impressed with the thought put into all the posts and was just like, wow...they're really cool.
we just checked their registry and they didn't get a lot of stuff - so we're thinking that next week, when we're on a little better footing, we'll go to Macy's and get them their bedset and some sheets (totallying probably $250 if we hit the good sales)..
This way - they get something they'll USE A LOT and we're not totally tapped out...
Summer07Bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
Give them what you can afford.
missK
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
I am sure they know how much it may have cost you to go to there destination wedding.
I would give what you can. Its the thought (yes easy to say) but dont strap yourselves to make a good impression. You can always make it up for if and when they have kids or another celebration..(1st anniversary?)
EmberLynn
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
I would say give them what you can comfortable afford. If that isn't much, you can always try to get them a very nice gift. At one wedding I went to with my DH, (it was his friend) we gave the couple a picture of the two of them when they were younger in a double frame. Leaving one side empty, which they put a picture of my DH and the groom on their wedding day. It was a gift they both treasured.
ChristineAaron08
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
I say give what you can afford. I dont think their feelings will be hurt.
Daisy Bride
Posted:
Member since
Re: Wedding Gift Question
if i were them i wouldn't expect a gift. it's their second celebration & you were there for the first. I think I would probably give $100 or $200(just because it's nice to give something since your going) but if you didn't give anything I really think it's fine
