Weird Dreams - sort of a vent/need advice

You're not weird. Dreams sometimes are where our thoughts about our current or past situations haunt us. Honestly if your time with him was as traumatizing as you say I can totally see having these really bad dreams and nightmares with him. I wish I had a solution for you. All I can provide you with are hugs and the knowledge that there is nothing wrong with you for having these dreams.

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Posted by bluekat16

You're not weird. Dreams sometimes are where our thoughts about our current or past situations haunt us. Honestly if your time with him was as traumatizing as you say I can totally see having these really bad dreams and nightmares with him. I wish I had a solution for you. All I can provide you with are hugs and the knowledge that there is nothing wrong with you for having these dreams.

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Agreed, if it's in your head somewhere it will eventually poke it's little head out in your dreams. I sometimes dream about an ex that literally ruined my life and made me feel like dirt. He made me not want to ever have sex/date any other men ever again. I just think about how happy I am with DH and how miserable my ex is now.

Maybe what you can do before you go to bed, is think about something good. Don't let the thought of him cross your mind. Read a book, or watch tv, or just before you go to sleep think about something really , really great. Make a scenario for yourself, think about winning the lottery and what you would do with the money, or what you would do if you were married to Brad Pitt lol I dunno. See if that helps?

its weird because i dont find myself thinking about this person in real life and especially not before i go to bed

i think that i just wish i never had sex with this person - like did you ever do something with someone and then you felt dirty afterwards? like ashamed? its like all these years a part of me still feels like that - but back then, when it was happening i dont ever remember feeling that way.....its almost like my older self is looking back at my younger self and im disgusted and then for whatever reason i have to re-live it in dream form!

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Posted by Future Mulligan

its weird because i dont find myself thinking about this person in real life and especially not before i go to bed

i think that i just wish i never had sex with this person - like did you ever do something with someone and then you felt dirty afterwards? like ashamed? its like all these years a part of me still feels like that - but back then, when it was happening i dont ever remember feeling that way.....its almost like my older self is looking back at my younger self and im disgusted and then for whatever reason i have to re-live it in dream form!

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hmm ok so I was way off. You don't have to answer this if you don't want to but was he the only person you've ever slept with besides your DH? If that's the case, maybe you just wish DH was your first?

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Posted by MikeandJess

Maybe you're just so happy with the way you're life is going right now that in the back of your mind you feel scared that something is going to screw it up. In your dreams you're reverting back to a time when you dated someone you know you shouldn't have, and it was a time when you weren't sure that you're life was going in the right direction. Ok so basically,I think your insecurities that you think something is going to ruin your happiness is being brought forth in your dreams hence an old, not so great relationship ruining your happy marriage.

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i never thought of it like that - and that makes sense - i always thought it was b/c i was so grossed out at myself for even doing it with him in the first place but this makes A LOT more sense

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Posted by MikeandJess

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Posted by Future Mulligan

its weird because i dont find myself thinking about this person in real life and especially not before i go to bed

i think that i just wish i never had sex with this person - like did you ever do something with someone and then you felt dirty afterwards? like ashamed? its like all these years a part of me still feels like that - but back then, when it was happening i dont ever remember feeling that way.....its almost like my older self is looking back at my younger self and im disgusted and then for whatever reason i have to re-live it in dream form!

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hmm ok so I was way off. You don't have to answer this if you don't want to but was he the only person you've ever slept with besides your DH? If that's the case, maybe you just wish DH was your first?

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No - he wasn't my first - so that is why what you are saying actually makes MORE sense!

i thought that it had something to do with just the sex part b/c that is what happens in the dreams - i have sex with this person......i wasn't seeing past the sex part of the dream - but what you said makes a lot of sense actually - b/c its looking past just the sex part.....even though i wish i didn't even kiss this person and i have no idea how i ever even dated him - i think its more than just regretting the physically intimacy - so what you said makes more sense.....i just never looked at it that way

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Posted by Future Mulligan

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Posted by MikeandJess

Maybe you're just so happy with the way you're life is going right now that in the back of your mind you feel scared that something is going to screw it up. In your dreams you're reverting back to a time when you dated someone you know you shouldn't have, and it was a time when you weren't sure that you're life was going in the right direction. Ok so basically,I think your insecurities that you think something is going to ruin your happiness is being brought forth in your dreams hence an old, not so great relationship ruining your happy marriage.

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i never thought of it like that - and that makes sense - i always thought it was b/c i was so grossed out at myself for even doing it with him in the first place but this makes A LOT more sense

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yay me and 6 years of a psychology background serving some sort of purpose!

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Posted by MikeandJess

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Posted by Future Mulligan

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Posted by MikeandJess

Maybe you're just so happy with the way you're life is going right now that in the back of your mind you feel scared that something is going to screw it up. In your dreams you're reverting back to a time when you dated someone you know you shouldn't have, and it was a time when you weren't sure that you're life was going in the right direction. Ok so basically,I think your insecurities that you think something is going to ruin your happiness is being brought forth in your dreams hence an old, not so great relationship ruining your happy marriage.

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i never thought of it like that - and that makes sense - i always thought it was b/c i was so grossed out at myself for even doing it with him in the first place but this makes A LOT more sense

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yay me and 6 years of a psychology background serving some sort of purpose!

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well, we always say thank god i didn't end up with this person, it really would have ruined my life....and thank god i am with a man like DH....it was just a part of my life that i disliked so much - and its true that i never want to go back to that part of my life, or have those feelings again, so what you said about it being more of a fear and insecurity thing makes sense.....and you are right, i am so happy now, so happy that you wonder how could this be true - kind of like waiting for something bad to happen b/c its just too good......so it really does make sense......thank you, i feel better knowing i might not be a crazy freak who dreams about terrible random sex with an ex