the other day, DH said we should join a reform temple and start going and although i have nothing against temples, it's just not for me. I celebrate the holidays on my own (at home). To me, going to temple to be a waste of time and energy.
Anyway, I'm mad at DH for bringing this up 3 weeks after we got married but not ever mentioning it before ... it's like 'hey, now that you're stuck with me, i'm going to start making you do things you hate and you have no choice'. Our whole relationship, he's been anti-synagogue (saying how he used to be forced to go with his family when he was young and how boring it was and how he hated it). i kind of feel like he was being deceptive in not telling me that he did in fact want to start going.
i pretty much told him i refuse to go ... but he can go on his own. but i'm still hurt about him acting one way before the wedding, and a diff way after.
i thought women were the ones who change after marriage, not men () .... what the ef?!
julesrbf
Posted:
Member since
Re: what do you think ...
Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz
anyone can have a change of heart ... and things that werent so important then, can be more important now... for whatever reason... seems to be the beauty of marriage- we all have to roll with the punches KWIM? Just tell him what you told us, you're not interested in doing that at the moment, you've been there done that, but if he wants to then he should for himself... you too might even have a change of heart down the road!
ITA a trillion percent - this is exactly what I was going to say.
I don't think he tricked you or married you under false pretenses. Beliefs can be fluid and may change as life changes. Marriage is about riding out the waves together.
rdubs
Posted:
Member since
Re: what do you think ...
I'm actually in the complete opposite situation as you. I would like to be a more practicing Jew and DH refuses to go to temple and says he will never attend temple in the future---as he puts it, there will be no Bat Mitzvahs for our children. He has always been anti-religion and today I am celebrating the new year with both sets of our parents on Long Island while he is back in the city working.
This is something I knew going into this marriage, that I will someday I will be taking our kids to temple without him. I can't push Judaism on him. Your DH needs to understand that you have your reasons (whatever they may be) for not wanting to go. I think he should observe as he desires; however, the problem lies in the cost of joining a congregation. I don't have this problem YET because I'm not ready to join a congregation in NYC and can still go with parents on LI on High Holy Days. I guess I don't have a solution in the end but I think as a married couple, you can make different decisions and one person can observe while the other chooses not to.
