what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
janwinterbridejoy
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what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
i honestly have a huge problem with the whole 'our' money thing i have been working since i was very young with my parents business and always had my own money and saved or spent as a pleased. my dh can be a bit cheap and i hate explaining to him that yes i did need to buy that 50 dollar vase since all my purchases are for the house now. i guess im asking how does everyone else deal wiht it or am i making a big deal out of nothing. i do have friends that have secret stashes and they say it makes there marriages a whole lot easier because they dont fight about money. any thoughts?
Valentinegirl
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
Joy, we kept our seperate accounts and have a joint account for our bills. This works well for us so we can spend whatever we want cause it's our own $. We put a certain amount a month into the joint to cover all our joint bills and a little extra to save.
VickiC
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
I didn't find the money thing hard at all. We started combining bills while we were engaged, so I guess I got used to it. We don't justfy purchases to one another unless it's a significant amount.
If it works better for you guys, maybe you should have your own account for 'mad' money. I know lots of people who do that as well.
xjulietx
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
I think the hardest thing so far has been sleeping schedules. DH is so stressed between work and his MBA classes that he gets tired before me, even though I work two jobs. It is tough to find a happy medium where it is not too early or late so he gets his sleep and I get done what I need to do.
JimmysBride
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
Posted by Valentinegirl
Joy, we kept our seperate accounts and have a joint account for our bills. This works well for us so we can spend whatever we want cause it's our own $. We put a certain amount a month into the joint to cover all our joint bills and a little extra to save.
We did the same thing and it seems to be working out pretty well so far. The only money trouble comes in now because we are having a baby and that means more of our own $$$ has to go into the joint fund... and of course that leaves us both with less in the end.
But really this system works best for us because I am the saver and DH is the (big) spender. We both have different spending styles and I know I would go nuts if I knew how much and exactly where he was spending it.
Plus I need to be in control of my own finances and so does he. We both have slightly different ways of doing things but we are both control freaks about it.
So, he has his personal checking and savings as do I and we have a joint checking. Our paychecks direct deposit into our personal checking accounts and each paycheck we each transfer a set amount into the joint for our common bills (mortgage, LIPA, etc). Whatever's left over in your personal account is for you and and your personal bills.
usuk2004
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
I think it's just getting along on a daily basis. That must sound awful to everyone, but Dh and I never lived together before we got married and honestly sometimes it's hard to adjust to one another's moods. I can't be 'up' for him all the time, sometimes I get depressed and then he thinks it's him. He has a hard time dealing with my mood swings. I have a hard time dealing with his anal-ness and lecturing...it's hard work!
1017Bride
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
Sleeping schedules can sometimes pose a problem because he goes to sleep later than me and wakes up earlier than me.
jozieb0925
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
The hardest thing is compromising and making decisions together. For example, he likes that sofa, I like this one. For the most part, I got my way with the house decorating, but it was a slight struggle to get there..
Janice
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
for me it was def my inlaws. We were never close, and now that my inlaws are starting to have families of their own, my DH wants to be a great uncle, so we send tons of things to his nieces (bil is in the military, so we rarely ever see them) and sometimes we don't even get a call saying the gifts were received. Now DH wants to put money away for the girls in CD's, I don't have any nieces or nephews on my side so this is all new to me, I feel bad telling DH to cool it with the money, he works hard, I just feel like it is not appreciate. So, I guess the instant aunt thing kind of threw me for a loop
nov04LIbride
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
Nothing, it has been one wonderful experience after another...
Let's see, discussing how much to save and spend, when to go to bed, who gets the computer, who gets to watch the big TV...
PrincessRose
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
Not being Rachel Cohen anymore.
reg426
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
We had money issues, too, at first. I had a method for paying bills, as did he. Our methods did not quite gel and I didn't always agree with how we were paying bills, i.e., sending bills in before our next paychecks were deposited so you don't really know if the money is in the account when the check is processed. Also, we had a 'wedding fund account,' which became the 'home fund' after the wedding. To me, it was strictly to be for the specified things. To him, it was an account to be used if our regular checking account was running low. (The extra account was a money market fund that we could write checks against.) To me - the defeated the whole purpose of the account which was to SAVE. We were having way too many silly arguments about this, so I let him take over paying the bills. Now it's no problem. We don't really have any financial disagreements, thankfully, - and I'm the spender out of us, and he never inquires about how much I pay for things or asks why I bought certain things.
From what I hear financial disagreements are usually THE biggest adjustment after marriage. But, we lived together before and I think that's one reason why we were able to work it out without killing each other.
Would he miss it if you took out an extra $100 or $200 from each check to use for your own purposes? If not, maybe a separate account is the way to go.
Good luck!
TwoBugs
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
Posted by PrincessRose
Not being Rachel Cohen anymore.
I'm having the darndest time figuring out what to do about my last name. Giving it up has been harder than I thought it would be. But having two names is really long, and quite a mouthful when I introduce myself to people. So I still haven't decided what to do...
PrincessRose
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
Well, TwoBugs, I just kept my maiden name as a second middle name. Many women take their maiden name AS a middle name, but I have a special attachment to my middle name. So I just kept it. I'm still Rachel Cohen, but ummm, only sorta.
TwoBugs
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
Posted by PrincessRose
Well, TwoBugs, I just kept my maiden name as a second middle name. Many women take their maiden name AS a middle name, but I have a special attachment to my middle name. So I just kept it. I'm still Rachel Cohen, but ummm, only sorta.
Okay, wait, this might work for me, but just to clarify: your maiden name is now your middle name (one of two), not a non-hyphenated part of your last name?
PrincessRose
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
My maiden name is now a second middle name. I didn't want to bother with two last names.
So my initials are RCCG, and when I sign things it's Rachel C. Greenspan, just out of convenience. I have to say that the two middle initials being the same letter does add to the convenience factor. But one of my BMs is Amber DGS. She's the one who gave me the idea in the first place.
ETA: My SS has all four names, but my DL would only allow one middle initial.
Janice
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
we have always had joined accounts since high school, DH would make my car payment and I would pay our insurance, we would get paid him one week, me the other, who ever was just paid we used that money. Now, we use his money, and my checks get put away for our down payment. We mainly wanted to do this, so that we are always a one income family and won't be beyond our means when I become a SAHM. just a few quick questions for your split accounts:
when you go out to eat, does one person pay, then you just settle it when you go home?
when you plan vacations, do you split that as well, what if one person makes more than the other?
thanks
Kriss2c
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
Posted by usuk2004
I think it's just getting along on a daily basis. That must sound awful to everyone, but Dh and I never lived together before we got married and honestly sometimes it's hard to adjust to one another's moods. I can't be 'up' for him all the time, sometimes I get depressed and then he thinks it's him. He has a hard time dealing with my mood swings. I have a hard time dealing with his anal-ness and lecturing...it's hard work!
We are having the same issues and we did live together before marriage.
TwoBugs
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
Posted by PrincessRose
My maiden name is now a second middle name. I didn't want to bother with two last names.
So my initials are RCCG, and when I sign things it's Rachel C. Greenspan, just out of convenience. I have to say that the two middle initials being the same letter does add to the convenience factor. But one of my BMs is Amber DGS. She's the one who gave me the idea in the first place.
ETA: My SS has all four names, but my DL would only allow one middle initial.
Thank you so much for this info! I don't know why I never thought about this possibility! This sounds like the perfect compromise.
Theoretically, if your middle initials were two different letters, which would you use if only one were allowed on something?
Sorry for being a dork and highjacking this thread...this has been a constant source of confusion and stress for me.
PrincessRose
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Re: what is the thing that you find the hardest to adjust to about being married
Posted by TwoBugs
Thank you so much for this info! I don't know why I never thought about this possibility! This sounds like the perfect compromise.
Theoretically, if your middle initials were two different letters, which would you use if only one were allowed on something?
Sorry for being a dork and highjacking this thread...this has been a constant source of confusion and stress for me.
I totally understand!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't take credit - Amber's the brilliant one.
Anyway, I would probably continue to use whatever Middle Initial I was used to. Like if I had been Rachel C Smith before marriage, I would probably be Rachel C Greenspan now. For no other reason than changing my signature as little as possible. Because I'm lazy.
